Rich

19 (Selene)

        As the day went on I felt more and more guilty for knowing what I know. Somehow Melanie was connected to what happened to Andrew's friend and she didn't want him to know about it. Did she do something on purpose or was it some kind of freak accident? I knew even if I tried to talk to her about it she would flip out. 

I decided instead to focus on my mother's journal. It had gotten to a good part. She'd written about me in the entry before, and I saw this upcoming one was about me also.

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It read:

        Selene, my moon who lit my sky when I couldn't see. Sometimes I look at her and wonder how she grew up to be so good. It wasn't by my example. She's good at school and kind. She doesn't fret about money. 

In fact, she always told me it was okay if we didn't have money because she didn't need anything like too many toys or too much clothes. 

A child shouldn't sacrifice something like that. They are meant to be selfish even if only for a short while, but she always understood the value of something and the fact that she couldn't have just anything she decided she wanted.

       She's my smart girl. Reggie was always smart, but he never applied himself. Maybe she gets the brain from him. Everything I've done in this life I thought I did for my Selene, but if I'm being honest with myself in these pages I know the truth. 

I was selfish. I wanted to have everything I desired. I didn't want to be okay with nothing, like my child was. I wanted everything for us. I didn't only date a man for his money. I just dated -only men with money. There is a difference.

We are conditioned to believe that a dollar that wasn't earned by ourselves is worth less than busting our ass for a dime. I never catered to that belief.

My sister never agreed with me when I told her if I was granted good looks that I should use them. Everyone has a talent. Mine was my beauty. Is that so wrong? Everyone makes me feel wrong for it, but I don't wanna be.

         But I asked myself, would I want Selene to follow in my footsteps and it hurt my heart when I realized the answer was no. I want her to have everything, but I didn't want her to date around and cycle through rich men who wouldn't treat her well or fulfill her. 

I got so lucky with David. It's like I knew my fate was 'abundance' and I chased it until I met him. David is the love of my life, no questions asked.

No matter what his kids think I'm here for David. The money is just a perk of falling for this man. I hope Selene believes that when I tell her. I hope she isn't like his kids and holds a grudge for my ending up with a billion dollar man. A man who also treats me right and values me. 

I put so much effort into the values of things that I had or wanted, but I never applied that focus on the value of myself. Not until him. He's taught me a lot. He's the reason why I want Selene to be more- Not want more.

She's brilliant and beautiful and she can pave her own way. She always has, even as a child. My strong girl. She seems passive and quiet on the outside, but she has a fierce heart like I do.

I pray she finds her 'David' in this lifetime and that she finds him sooner than I found mine. On days when everything hurts he is my sun and she is my moon.

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        I cried so much reading this passage. It was the most vulnerable and poetic she had ever sounded. She never talked this way out loud, but these written words on these pages were showing me a side of her I never thought I'd discover.