Time

V

Aris "Toota" Matthews
Charlotte, NC
June 2, 2020

I woke up to bright lights and saw an IV in my arm, so I figured I was in the hospital.

It took a minute for my eyes to adjust to the light but when they did I saw my mom sitting beside me with her head on the bed sleep, my brother was sleep in a chair against the wall and Hari was laying in Nauticas lap while they both slept on the couch in the room.

I looked around and saw on the clock it was 4:32 in the morning. I just sat in silence for about 3 seconds before I laid my head back and burst into tears.

I was happy. I was so happy to be alive, to see my daughter again, to see my mother again. I was happy I'd get to have a second chance and I was going to do my best to make sure I lived my life amazing.

But, I was also hurting. Not just physically, but emotionally. I couldn't understand what I did to deserve this. Everything hurt so bad. I did everything I was supposed to as a woman, as a girlfriend, and ended up hospitalized in return. I just had pure bad luck when it came to relationships, and I was done.

I tried to keep quiet as best as I could but when I raised my arms up to wipe my face I woke my mom up. I looked down at her and saw her with tears in her eyes too and we instantly hugged and cried more.

My mom was my best friend. She had her flaws and our relationship definitely wasn't perfect when I was growing up, but she's never once given up on me and she's always the person I call to. It felt so good to be able to wrap my arms around her again.

"I know you're hurting but I got you. You didn't deserve any of this and I promise she's going to get what's coming to her. You cry and you hurt, but you do NOT let this consume you, do you understand?" she asked me while wiping the tears from my face

I just nodded my head, I was too emotional to speak.

"and you don't worry about Tahari, you both need some time and I don't want you back in that house right now so y'all are coming to stay with me for a couple weeks. I think both of you need to just be surrounded by love right now, but if you feel like you need some space from the world let me know and I can make that happen, too. Nobody blames you baby, especially not Hari. We got you" she told me as she hugged me one more time

"Thank you, mommy. I'm so sorry" i said as I cried even harder.

Everything she said, I genuinely needed to hear right now. I didn't need to be told it was going to be okay and I didn't need to be asked. That's not how I coped. I just needed some good advice and a hug, and most of the time I would be okay.

I looked up and saw Nautica staring at me with a sad smile, and my eyes started to water again.

"Thank you" i mouthed to her while my mom still held on to me. I don't know how long she's been here, but I was grateful she was here. I realized she had my keys so I guessed Hari was able to get help for me.

My daughter saved me, and I was already so blessed and grateful to have her in my life but it just made me even more appreciative of her.

Me and my mom let go of each other, so I asked Nautica to bring me Tahari. I just needed to hold her, to feel that love.

Once she was in my arms, I hugged her and started kissing her all over her face to wake her up how I did every morning. She slowly started to flutter her eyes awake before she realized who's arms she was in.

"MOMMY!!!" she screamed before she started crying.

"Shhh, it's okay baby i'm here. I'm not going anywhere, I promise" i whispered to her as I held her and we both cried.