Just Keep Driving - Jeremiah Fisher

001

TW mentions of cancer and loss of a loved one 

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"Rachel, honey aren't you supposed to be on the road to your grandmother's" my mom screamed from the bottom of the stairs.

"I know I know, I'm just finishing up my packing" I screamed back.

Even though I count the days until I'm back in Cousins, the first day is always the most nerve-racking. My thoughts always get the best of me because I always think what if this year is different. What if something happens and it hurts our little family dynamic. Every year obviously it's proven wrong, but this year felt different.

"Sweetheart, I know exactly what you are thinking, and you do this every year! I promise you everything is going to be okay Susannah and Laurel won't let anything happen" my mom reassured me with a confident smile.

God I was going to miss that warm smile that melted away all my worries.

"Are you sure you can't come? '' I said before registering my words. It was such an inconsiderate thing to say knowing the circumstances. Though I'm glad I said them, I wanted Cousins to be a good memory for the both of us. Where we can both spend our summers happy again, and celebrate dad's life together.

"You know I can't" my mom's reassuring smile faltered into one that held so much sadness behind it. "I want you to go and live your best for the next three months. Do not worry about me please"

I gave her a nod, and a sad smile.

"Okay I guess I'll get going then. Don't want to keep Evelyn waiting"

***

Usually when I arrive in Cousins a wave of security blankets me, but something felt different. The uneasy feeling heightened when I entered the driveway of my grandmother's house. Usually she's there greeting me with open arms, but she was nowhere to be found. So as soon as I parked the car I started my track to try and find her.

She wasn't in the kitchen, or her living room so I went around back. That's when I found not just my grandmother but Susannah and Laurel as well. My heart broke at the sight because Evelyn was holding the two other girls as they cried in her arms. It looked like a personal moment, but something told me I should confront them and ask what was going on. I felt like I was finally going to find out what was making me so uneasy.

"Grandma, Susannah, Laurel. What is this about, are you guys okay? What is going on?"

As soon as they heard my voice they all jumped. Laurel and my grandma looked at me with sadness while Susannah looked at me with fear. Her look confirmed to me she did not want to tell me what was going on. Though she knew she was caught and would have to lay the truth on the line.

"Oh my little Ray of sunshine I'm so sorry you have to find out like this" Susannah spoke with tears streaming down her face. "I - I'm - I'm sick"

"Sick? Sick how like the flu or something" I blurted out trying not to think of the worse. My limbs were on fire and my hands began to shake. I knew what she was going to say though, but I didn't want it to be true.

"No sweetie, my cancer has relapsed and I'm deciding not to go through with treatment again" She said without meeting my eyes.

"What, no no no. That's crazy you can't not do treatment" I said as a tear made its way down my cheek.

"Honey, I want to go on my own terms and be me for the remainder of my life. You remember how hard it was the first time for me, and also how hard it was for your dad when he went through his second treatment"

"Don't ... Don't you dare try and use my dad as a way to justify your decision" I said angrily

"I want one more happy summer, please! And don't tell the boys I want this to be their perfect bliss before I'm gone"

"Did you tell my mother at least"

She still didn't look at me. I was so angry and I'm not this way usually. I'm civil and will talk the situation through. Though Susannah sounded like she was dead set on her choice, and there was no if's and's or but's about it.

"She would have come!" I cried "We could have all been together for your last summer. Why are you being so selfish" I was at the point where I was just word vomiting out of anger.

"Now Rachel, there's no way to speak to Susannah!" My grandmother finally stepped in.

"No, Evelyn she's right. I should have put more thought into it. I should have reached out, but I was too afraid. I don't want to hurt Grace more than she already is" Susannah said

"I need time to think" I said, backing away from the three ladies, and none of them made a move to stop me. So I took that as my confirmation that I could leave, and that's what I did I left and ran until my lungs gave out. I found myself at a strange peer where I found the most unlikeliest of people.

Conrad.

He had a joint in one hand, and a beer in the other. This was different for him .. so out of character. That's when it hit me Conrad knew about his mother too.

So much for a blissful summer. 

***

Hello!!

This chapter might feel like a lot but it's needed to push the plot. Plus I've never been one for slow starts :)

Also I was hoping someone would notice my ironic pick for Rachel's mother lol