Just Keep Driving - Jeremiah Fisher

017

It seemed like everyone had their own plans tonight, so I decided to take it upon myself to go to Liam's party. I wasn't used to flying solo when it was summertime because I at least had one of the boys accompanying me. Usually it was Jeremiah, but tonight we were drinking to forget him and these past few days.

I made myself a drink at the counter, and went to mingle. Though before I could do any of that I found myself standing in behind Steve and Conrad.

"Yo, who's Jeremiah hooking up with these days?" Conrad asked Steve

"Uh, no one. Oh, my ... No, actually, no, no, no. Shayla has this crazy theory, bro. She thinks he's hooking up with Rachel." Steve said and this made my heart race.

"Really?" Conrad asked as he made eye contact with me

"Well technically I guess you can say we were, but he's a hard one to tame boys. And I don't like sharing." I said dropping myself into their conversation. I pointed towards the front porch where a bunch of girls were attached at his hip cheering him on.

Seemed like Jeremiah wasn't so phased by our conversation this afternoon. It made me start to think, which is exactly what I came here not to do. So instead of conjuring up what could have been, I hosed it down with a martini.

"Those girls don't mean anything to him. You know you've always been his girl ever since you guys met." Conrad tried to reassure me, but I gave him an eye roll and took another sip of my drink. "Rach-"

"Yo, boys! Hey, check it out! It's an ice luge! Come try it! Steven, come on!" Jeremiah called out. Both the boys turned which opened up enough of a gap for Jeremiah to see me. I don't think he was expecting to see me, but as soon as he did he started making his way over.

I went to make an escape because I sure as hell wasn't ready to have another conversation with him. Though as I started to make a break for it both Steven and Conrad grabbed me by the bicep. I rolled my eyes and stopped my getaway.

"Looks like you guys need to talk so imma bounce" Steven said, letting go of my arm and made his way deeper into the party. Conrad followed in pursuit.

As soon as Jeremiah got to me he asked something I wasn't expecting to hear. "Late night drive?"

"Are you sure that's safe?"

"I just got here, and haven't had enough time to drink anything" he answered, and without waiting for a reply he grabbed my hand and led me to his car. I had to ignore the butterflies that were building up in my stomach.

***

We were driving in silence for a while. For the first time ever this silence was awkward. Neither of us knew what to say.

"I - uh, I think there is something wrong with my mom" He finally said, and the grip he had on the steering wheel turned deadly.

This was not the conversation I thought we would be having right now. Selfishly I wish it was a conversation about us, and not about his mother. Not because us is all I cared about, but because in no way was I ready for this conversation. This was a bombshell I was not ready for.

I started to panic, I cannot do this. My hands started to sweat and it felt like the car was becoming too small for me. It felt like all the wind was knocked out of me, and I couldn't catch my breath. Tears started to blur my vision and I started to shake.

"Rachel, fuck are you okay? Rachel!" Jeremiah said, finally looking over at me when I didn't answer him. I could see the panic in his eyes because there was nothing he could do at that moment. He then put his blinker on and went to pull over.

"NO" I said panicked. "Take me home! Take me home now, Jeremiah please" I said in the most broken voice. Jeremiah then swerved back onto the road and made his way back to our houses.

"Please Rachel, tell me what's going on. Are you okay?" He said in a frenzy. He didn't know what to do or say in a time like this. All I wanted to do was hold him and tell him everything. Though Susannah crying telling me not to tell the boys popped into my mind. I stopped myself. I was at a crossroads. This cross road was killing me alive, and I'm not sure how much more I could take.

I didn't answer him, instead I sat silently sobbing. I hated that he had to see me like this, because it just makes matters worse.

I could see my house in the distance and that meant I was almost home free. It took only a minute more before we reached my house, and when we pulled up I didn't even wait for him to put the car in park I just hopped out. Before I could go inside, Jeremiah called out to me in the most desperate voice.

"I don't know what has been going on this summer Rachel, but I want you to know I'm always here for you. I know things between us have been shitty lately, but just know I value this ... whatever it may be. The only reason I chose Belly at the tournament is because my heart was craving normalcy. Things have been different between us. I can feel it, and not because we kissed or expressed our feelings ... that all felt really right. You have been different this summer, everything has been different this summer! You're blocking me out and I - I truly don't know what to do. I miss you so much"

I wanted to tell him right then and there. I probably would have if it wasn't for his phone blasting his ringtone. He answered and by his face I could tell it was urgent. He looked at me with broken eyes and then shook his head in left.

I fell to my knees sobbing. I felt so selfish.

I don't know how long I was crying for in the middle of my driveway, but next thing I knew my mom was helping me up. She held me in her arms, and whispered soothing things, but nothing would soothe the ache I had in my heart.

What has summer come to?