Just Keep Driving - Jeremiah Fisher

018

"Hey dad" I said as I took a seat on Cousin's shore line.

It wasn't just any spot in Cousins, it was a secluded beach only few knew about. It was a spot my dad found, and shared with the rest of our Cousin's crew. It was where we spread his ashes when he passed away.

"I'm sorry this is the first trip I'm making to come visit you this summer." I said in grievance. A single tear rolled down my cheek as I thought about everything I wanted to tell him.

"Mom actually stayed this summer, she finally came to Cousin's after three years. Not under good circumstances though. Susannah's sick dad, her cancer relapsed just like yours did. She's deciding not to go through with treatment. Mom came down to spend one last perfect summer with her before she -" I couldn't get the words out as I choked on a sob.

"Before she passes." I finished breathlessly "I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it ... without you both. I will try for everyone's sake because I know the boys will need someone once she's gone. I know Conrad already does, he hurting so bad that he's shut everyone out this summer. I can't imagine how Jeremiah's going to take the news, I mean he already has an inkling"

I bowed my head trying to steady my breathing. I needed to get this out before the party tonight. I knew if I didn't get it out now I would surely break at the event when I saw Jeremiah again. I stayed at home for the past few days avoiding the Fisher's and Conklin's. It was a cowardly move but with Jeremiah already expecting that somethings up I would break and spill my guts to everyone. I couldn't do that to Susannah.

"Speaking of Jeremiah. We admitted feelings towards each other but I don't think either of us know where to go from there. He knows I'm holding back from him, maybe even knows I'm hiding something from him. He's hurting and I cannot blame him. He's craving normalcy, something I cannot give him, because once this secret gets out I don't think things will ever be normal again. I guess for us it's just right place wrong time"

It hurts to admit. I love this boy ... I think I have my whole life and things were finally falling into place. Though I know in these next few months he's going to need a friend more than anything.

I let out a big sigh and picked myself up off the sand.

"I love you dad, and miss you more than anything" I said as I made my way off the beach.

***

I was quietly making my way into the Fisher's residence to retrieve a pair of shoes Susannah was letting me borrow for the Ball tonight when I heard Steven and Jeremiah getting into it.

"Why are you taking Belly to the ball?" Steven said angrily

"What do you mean, why are you so angry?" Jeremiah said, backing away from him.

"Oh I don't know maybe because I'm thinking of how Rachel is going to feel when she sees you guys walk out together? Did you even tell her?" He said breathing heavily

"No I didn't" Jeremiah said scratching the back of his neck, looking down shamefully. "She hasn't been around to tell anyways"

"Oh, bullshit! She deserved to know" Steven said

I made myself known before it could escalate anymore. I honestly didn't care Jeremiah was going to the ball with Belly. They were just two people who needed someone, both Conrad and I have been pushing them away all summer.

"Hey, Steven, it's okay" I said, stepping in front of him. Steven looked down at me to make sure that it really was. Once he got the confirmation he needed from my eyes he gave me a tight nod and went on his way.

Once I turned around to look at Jeremiah he sucked in a sharp breath. He took in my appearance that I have let go for the last few days. There were dark circles under my eyes, and I was starting to look a bit thin in the face due to my lack of appetite.

"Rach, please just tell me what's going on" He said, reaching for me, and I wanted nothing but to melt into him and spill my guts. Though I couldn't, I had to do one of the hardest things I ever had to do in my life. I took a step away from his embrace. The hurt in his eyes almost made me crack.

"I'm okay, have fun with Belly tonight. You both deserve a night of bliss" I said softly, it was not meant to be ill intended in any way.

"I'm sorry for not telling you" He said

"You don't owe me anything Jeremiah" I said with a sad smile. "I'm the one who is sorry"

And I left it at that. I think he could tell that I wanted to say more but this wasn't the time.