Surviving

Chapter eight

"I thought you were dead." Carl says hugging me as our tears fall on each others shoulders. "Come on. You can't get rid of me that easy." I say forcing a laugh. I look down and see my wrist it is still bleeding. Carl follows my eyes and grabs my wrist. "What did you do?" he asks sternly. "Not in here carl." I say dragging him to the kitchen. "Alright now what did you do?" he asks again just as stern as before. "I cut my wrist with my knife." I mutter looking at the floor. "Why?" Carl asks. "I wanted to see if I could still feel pain."  I answer timidly. "Ashlyn. That was really stupid. You could have bled to death." he answers looking for something to clean and wrap my wrist with. "I know. I thought I was going to die anyway." i answer looking at my feet. He finds a cloth that should work and cuts it in half. "I don't care if you thought you were going to die. You didn't. That's all that matters." he says wrapping my wrist up. He wipes away my tears and looks at my face which is probably covered in dirt. He walks out of the room and leaves me in the kitchen. i don't care to follow him. I sit against one of the cabinets and stare at my wrist. I watch as the blood trickles through the cloth. I don't bother to fix it. I just let it mix with the dirt on my skin. I sit and think of ways to just get out of this. I still have my knife i could just slit my throat. It would all be over. I deserve to die painfully and slowly. I let it happen to my family. My sisters. My mom. My dad. I think about how their screams echoed through my mind as i shot them and walked away. I deserve to go like this. I grab my knife with shaky hands and tears streaming down my face. I raise it up to my neck. I touch the cold blade to my skin. I am interrupted by Carl. He knocks the knife out of my hand and lifts me up. He holds me as tears fall onto my shoulders. I break away from him angry. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT! I DESERVE TO DIE! YOU DON'T GET TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME!" i scream as i grab my knife. I position it to cut my neck open. I stop as Carl falls to the ground his eyes closed. Mouth bleeding. I drop my knife and fall next t Carl. "CARL! NO! I'M SO SORRY! PLEASE COME BACK! I NEED YOU! CARL!" i say being ripped away from him by Rick and Michonne. I guess my sreams drew them back from outside. "PLEASE DON'T TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME!" i scream falling back to the floor. I watch as Michonne picks Carl up. Rick holds me back with tears of his own forming. "RICK! HELP HIM! DON'T LET HIM DIE! YOU CAN'T LET HIM DIE! PLEASE! RICK!" i plead trying to escape his grip. We fall back and wach as Michonne carries him upstairs. I turn around and cry into Rick's shoulder. He knows there is no point telling me everything is going to be okay so he just holds me as we cry.