Calloused

8

I woke up in a panic and shot out of bed. I immediately started pacing back and forth.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I said as I became frustrated with myself as I remembered what happened.

"No, no, no." I continued to say out loud. I didn't need anyone knowing about my condition, not like this.

"You should be in bed, not cursing the world." His voice sounded from the corner of my room, making me yelp and jump in surprise. I whirled around to find him sitting in my chair in the far corner of my room.

"H-how long have you been there? Jesus!" I growled, grabbing a pillow off of my bed and chucking it at him. He caught it, no surprise.

"Since you passed out." He glared, throwing the pillow back on my bed.

I glared back at him, my annoyance clear.

"You can go now, I'm fine!" I barked at him.

"Not gonna happen. As much as we both hate it, your father has given strict orders not to leave your side until the doctor clears you." He growled, getting up from the chair.

"So you better get your ass back in that bed before I put you there myself." He sneard, taking a step closer towards me with every word.

"I'm going to piss, not that it's any of your business." I snarled back, turning and stomping into my bathroom. I slammed the door behind me.

"Fucking prick." I grumbled under my breath. I looked in the mirror, observing that my clothes were changed. I brushed the thought away and did my business. Once I was finished washing my hands I exited the bathroom. H had returned to his original spot, sitting on the chair with his legs crossed. He scrolled through his phone, not bothering to glance in my direction.

I stood there for a moment, watching him. I hated to admit it, but seeing him brought back a lot of unresolved feelings.

"Bed, now." He ordered, his eyes still on his phone.

"Fine." I snipped. I sat against my headboard so I would be propped up. I grabbed the TV remote and turned on the 50 inch flat screen that was hung on my wall.

I flipped through several channels until one show triggered an old memory. It was The Vampire Diaries. H used to tease me about my obsession with the show. I felt my chest tighten at the thought. I changed the channel, not in the mood to watch it anymore.

I settled on serial killer documentaries for the rest of the afternoon.

There was a knock on the door witch made me perk up a bit. Niall's head popped in.

My saving grace!

"Delivery for Ms. Rivera." He smirked, holding a tray of food in his hands. I smiled, waving for him to come in.

Niall glanced at H, who gave him a nod witch he returned.

Niall made his way over to my bed and set the tray down next to me.

"Thanks." I sighed. A plate of French toast, bacon, and eggs sat neatly on the plate. There was a tall glass of orange juice to go with it.

"Niall, keep an eye on her, will ya? I'm going to use the bathroom." H grumbled, leaving the room.

"I see you two haven't killed each other, that's always a good sign." Niall commented once H had left. I rolled my eyes as I took a piece of bacon off of the plate.

"He barely speaks to me. I don't blame him though. If I had my heart broken and left without an explanation, I'd hate me too." I glared at the TV while I ate.

"Maybe, but deep down he still cares for you, even if he denies it." Niall shrugged.

"He shouldn't, I'm a monster." I laughed shaking my head.
"He has a girlfriend, like you said before he's moved on. It's what I wanted to happen." I frowned.

"You're not wrong, but I know he still has feelings towards you."

"How long was I out for?" I asked, changing the subject. It had become a well mastered skill at this point. Thankfully Niall didn't object or call me out on it.

"Two days." He frowned.

"I see, well at least I'm awake now." I shrugged in an attempt to brush it off.

"We didn't know if you were going to wake up. Kind of scared all of us. Can't have the empires future Queen tap out now, can we?" He chuckled. I shoved his shoulder playfully.

"You really think you could get rid of me that easily?" I smirked.

"Never." He held his hands up in surrender. H returned shortly after, sitting in the same spot once again. It felt like he was miles away, witch only made the realization that I had lost him, hit even deeper.

I finished eating and Niall left, taking the tray with him. I wrappedmy arms aroundmy kneesand huggedthem againstmy chest for security. I stared out my window, watching the guards do their daily patrols.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." I said softly, a part of me was hoping H wouldn't hear me.

"I only wanted to free you." I practically whispered as I rested my chin on my knees.

"You must hate me." I said even softer, closing my eyes. His silence made me think that he didn't hear me, like I wanted.

My eyes shot open as soon as I felt a presence in front of me. I lifted my head to find H staring straight through me. He stood at the end of my bed, glaring.

"You ran, because you were afraid." He spat at me. "You couldn't handle the pressure anymore, so you ran away from home like a scared little dog with your tail tucked between your legs." He shook his head angrily at me.

"I was here, taking orders from your father. Taking care of your responsibilities. For what? So you could come back here and act like everything is okay?" The vein in his neck was popping out at this point, so I let him continue despite the familiar pain that started to grow in my chest.

"You want me to act like we're just colleagues now? You want me to act like I didn't spend every moment of every day thinking about where you could have been or why you ran off? I spent a year and a half of my life feeling like I had failed you. I questioned everything I had ever done!" His face was red, I definitely struck a nerve.

"And just when I thought I had finally moved on, you come back! I just started seeing Anna, now I'm questioning everything all over again! Is that what you meant by setting me free? You have left me more damaged than I already was before I met you! So fuck you!" I had never seen H this angry before, but he had every right to be upset with me.

"I'm still sorry, for everything." I whispered, feeling my hands start to shake. I closed my eyes, cursing under my breath as I felt another episode coming.

"I'm sorry for all the pain I've put you through, so don't blame yourself for what's about to happen." I smiled weakly, seeing the familiar black dots cloud my eyesight. I couldn't breathe as my lungs gasped for air.

Just what I needed right now, another panic attack.