Calloused

33

I sat at the picnic table, Fiero was across from me. I continued to chat with my cousins. We drank wine and continued to eat the rest of the fruit.

 He wasn't one of them. He was visiting to help with the training of the recruits. I wasn't sure why he was here and not with my father and H.

I tried to ignore the looks he kept giving me. The charming smile as well. He would interject in the conversations we were having every so often.

The sun started to set. The sky erupted in a collage of bright pinks, oranges, reds, and some purple. It was breathtaking.

I felt someone staring at me, so I looked behind me. H stood there with my father. He had his hands in his pockets and a busted lip. I got up from the picnic table and went to investigate his face.

My father went over to the table, he smiled at me as I passed by him.

"What happened to your face?" I asked H quietly as I moved his chin down so I could look at his lip. He brushed my hand away, grumbling under his breath.

I was taken aback by his actions. I looked at him with a strange look.

"Doesn't matter." He said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"I see you've met Fiero!" My father called to me. I pulled my eyes away from H and turned to my father.

"Yes, he's been a gentleman. Very charming." I smiled. I could hear H's heavy breathing behind me, signaling that he was trying to contain his anger.

"Come join us!" Fiero said, inviting H and I over.

"I'm gonna go back to the room. Stay out here as long as you'd like." H grumbled. I heard his footsteps as he decided to walk away. I was unsure what to do. H seemed upset, but my family was asking me to join them again.

I shook the thoughts away and decided to join my father at the table. He sat next to Fiero. They discussed how the training was going.

"Styles isn't one to socialize. Isn't that, right?" My father smirked as he nudged my shoulder playfully.

"Unfortunately, not." I admitted. I was disappointed that H didn't stay. I wanted him here with me.

"He should learn to be. Especially if his woman wants to be." Fiero shrugged.

My father stayed silent, probably agreeing with him.

"He can be. It just depends on the company." I smiled, picking up a grape and eating it.

"She's feisty, I like that." Fiero smirked, picking up an orange and peeling it.

"Don't forget it." I said, giving him a look.

"I won't." He flirted with me. His charm was hard to ignore.

"Well, I'm going to bed now. Goodnight, everyone." I smiled. My cousins got up and hugged me. They kissed my cheeks and wished me sweet dreams.

"Ciao." Fiero called after me. I looked over my shoulder.

"Ciao." I smirked as I started heading back towards the house.

"Goodnight!" My father called after me. I turned and smiled at him.

"Goodnight, Papa!" I called back to him.

I walked slowly, enjoying the soft breeze against my skin. The sun had disappeared, the sky was now a soft purple blue color.

As I exited the garden, I continued on the path back to the front door.

I could hear the distant sounds of laughter and chatter as I entered the house.

There were several people roaming around. I snuck up to the room H and I were staying in, trying not to meet any more family for the day. I felt exhausted after spending a few hours with my cousins. It was nice, though, getting to talk with them about anything and everything.

I opened the door slowly; H was sitting in the windowsill.

I closed the door behind me and stood there for a few minutes, waiting for H to say something. I wasn't sure if it was the wine or what I was thinking, but what I said next would completely flip the scales. 

"I need to come clean about something." I sighed as I sat down on the edge of the bed. I had my back to H.

I continued speaking as he stayed silent.

"When I left a few years ago... something happened... I found out I was... p-pregnant." My throat felt dry as the words left my mouth.

H still didn't respond, so I continued.

"I had him at a hospital in Arizona, but he was born dead. I couldn't bring myself to tell you. I wasn't ready to admit it to myself. I was in denial that a part of us no longer existed on this earth." I felt the tears well up in my eyes.

H was still silent.

"Why aren't you saying anything!" I cried out, getting up and looking at him. He just stared at me, no emotion on his face.

He got up and walked past me. He left the bedroom, leaving me there alone. This was much worse. I would have preferred him to scream at me, to break something. At least then, I would know he was still feeling his emotions.

I sat on the bed and cried.

What have I done?

If me leaving didn't break us before, this might be what does.

~~~~~●H's P.O.V●~~~~~

I walked for hours, trying to wrap my head around what Skyler had confessed to me. I couldn't think straight. I was too shocked to speak.

Why didn't she call me, I would have gone to her?!

Why didn't she tell me sooner?!

She shouldn't have been so selfish! She should have told me!

The thoughts swirled around my head like a tornado. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream. I wanted to break things. I shouldn't have walked out on her... but...

Our son.

Her words replayed over and over again. We would have had a son. We would have named him Dominic or Jonathan. We would have taken him to his first day of school and taught him about the dangers of the world. 

I would have taught him self-defense and proper gun safety. Sky would have taught him to be gentle and nurturing, to care for others within reason. We would have taught him to be cautious with his trust. My chest hurt at the realization. It felt like I had just been socked in the stomach. I wanted to throw up. 

"Fuck!" I screamed, pulling at my hair.

I collapsed to my knees below an old oak tree. I pressed my hands into my eyes. I tried to stop it, but I couldn't as I felt tears fall from my eyes.

I grieved for our son.

The one I never got to hold.

The son I would never get to meet.