before you love me | jjk

chapter fifty-eight

━━━༻ ˚✩‧₊ august 2021₊‧✩˚༺━━━

Narae raised her fist to knock on Jungkook's door, giving it three short raps. A few moments later, he opened it, his hair still damp from having just taken a shower, face fresh and dressed comfortably in sweats.

It hurt to look at him.

"Hey." Came his soft greeting.

"Hi." Was Narae's equally soft response.

He opened the door wider and gestured for her to enter. "Come in."

He led her to the couch, somehow realizing that she needed space, and sat on the armchair rather than next to her as he usually would have done. He was so attuned to her needs.

It hurt.

"Did you want anything? Tea? Some snacks? I think I've got one last pack of Peppero hidden somewhere because I knew you'd finish them if I gave it to you all in one go..." He said as he got up again to begin looking around the room.

Why did he have to be so caring? It hurt it hurt it—

"I'm fine thanks. I don't need anything right now." Narae stopped him before he could start turning the room upside down and distract her from what she came for.

He nodded and moved back to sit in his chair.

Jungkook was tense and he didn't know why. He just had an uncomfortable feeling, like he should be prepared for something. He was on edge and it was unsettling him.

"So, what did you want to talk about? Is everything okay?" He asked, voice coated with concern.

She decided against answering his question and instead asked one of her own, "What would you do if our relationship got leaked?"

The question was so left field that Jungkook was stunned in momentary shock. "Is this what you wanted to talk about? Why does everyone keep asking me that? It's not going to happen."

"But what if it did?" Narae pressed. She needed an answer from him, one that would stop her from doing what she knew she had to do.

Jungkook was resolute, "But it won't. It can't."

"And why can't it? Why would it be so bad if it did?" Narae dared to ask.

"Because everything I've done up to this point is to make sure it won't. And if it did... I would be letting so many people down. And the fans... what would they say?"

"What about me?" Narae asked.

"Sorry?" Her voice had been so quiet, Jungkook barely heard it.

"What about me Jungkook?" Her voice came out stronger this time, "Where do I fit in all of this?"

Jungkook was confused. Why was she asking that when the answer was so obvious?

"What? All of this, everything that I've done, every action that I've made has been done with you in mind."

"Are you sure about that?" Her words were accusatory but her tone was anything but.

Jungkook stilled. "Of course I'm sure about it. Yes, I know I've fucked up, but that doesn't mean I had bad intentions. My only thought was you."

"So when you denied me in front of that model that was for me yes? When you didn't defend me with that whole interview thing, that was for me right? When you didn't even let me touch you when you had collapsed – that was also for me?"