[Book II] On my Own [ENGLISH]

Chapter 15: [February 2X20] Deal

No TW

The famous discussion between Seungmin and Hyunjin

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Seungmin was lying on his bed.

Felix had passed by an hour ago to relay to him a message from Minho, announcing that Hyunjin's heat was over.

The underlying message was clear to him. Prepare yourself, because Hyunjin is coming to see you.

The anguish tied his throat. The last three days had been horrific psychologically. The beta had really tried to weigh the pros and cons of agreeing to try to have that relationship, but he couldn't. He couldn't do that to Hyunjin.

The slight knock on his door almost caused him to go into cardiac arrest. He agreed to enter in a trembling voice, definitely not feeling ready for this discussion. Hyunjin gently entered, the hair still wet from his shower. He closed the door, standing awkwardly at the entrance.

Seungmin sat down on the bed, making room for him, but the young man didn't move.

"Hey." The beta said, a little clumsy.

"Hi..."

"Are you all right?"

"I've been better, but I'm going to survive... I'm just tired..."

Seungmin sighed at this discussion which shouted "discomfort". Hyunjin deliberately avoided crossing his eyes, while he was waiting right there. It pissed Seungmin off to see the boy he liked so clumsy.

"Hyunjin. Come here."

The older one looked up, seeing that the other boy had opened his arms for him, urging him to come and enjoy a hug. He barely hesitated as he advanced rapidly to Seungmin's bed, climbing half-way up his knees to cuddle in his arms.

The beta felt the other one thrust his face into his neck, while he held him in an iron embrace.

"I'm sorry." Hyunjin whispered.

"Why are you apologizing? If someone needs to apologize, it's me... I didn't come back..."

"I made you uncomfortable... I was scared and didn't know what to do. I called you instead of Minho-hyung, but I shouldn't have, it made you distant..."

Seungmin separated from him so that he could look at him.

"Hyunjin, you didn't make me feel uncomfortable. I was happy to be there to help you. It's just..." Seungmin sighed. "My brain started to think, and I couldn't stop it..."

"Minho-hyung told me that we had to take some time to discuss... Does this have anything to do with the kiss?"

"Yes... More or less."

The omega drifted away, looking away.

"I like you. I'm sorry if you don't. I thought you were... I didn't want to force you to do anything."

"I like you too, Jinnie..."

"So what's the problem?" He asked, confused.

The beta sighed, trying to gather his thoughts. He really needed to be consistent so that Hyunjin understood the problem. The older one just watched him, giving him time to think.

"I am a beta and you are an omega..."

Hyunjin frowned, ready to interrupt him, but Seungmin silenced him by putting his hand on his mouth.

"Let me finish. You're an omega. The best thing for an omega is an alpha. You'll be a lot safer, you'll have everything you need with an alpha. I can't... bring you much..."

Silence followed his statement, but Hyunjin's mean gaze was enough for Seungmin to understand the brown's thoughts. He grabbed his arm to remove the hand from his mouth.

"Are you finished?" He asked in a harsh tone.

Seungmin said nothing, looking away.

"All right, so now it's my turn. Damn Seungmin, what happened in your head during these three days?"

"It wasn't just the last few days. I've been thinking about it for months. I decided to wait until you present to decide, and then you showed up the other night and you kissed me. Everything I planned fell apart!"

"Seungmin, you spend too much time in your head." Hyunjin sighed. "Stop thinking for five minutes. The fact that I'm an omega doesn't change anything!"

Seungmin sighed, looking at the ceiling.

"Did you listen to me? An omega needs an alpha."

"I don't need an alpha. I need someone who loves me for whom I am."

They looked at each other in silence, trying to support their point of view through the gaze.

"I like you." Hyunjin sighed. "I don't see what an alpha could bring me more than you."

"Comfort."

"Minnie, I spent a year sleeping here and there. I am currently in a house, sitting on a bed. I have sufficient comfort."

"I meant psychological comfort." Seungmin grumbled. "Being safe, all that."

"Minnie, you're here. The pack is here. I don't need any more."

"I'm a beta, I'm not as strong as an alpha. I can't protect you."

"Protect me from what? The spider hanging from my bedroom ceiling? You'll do just fine."

The fact that Hyunjin was sarcastic, apparently ignoring Seungmin's anxieties, made him so angry. He felt that the young man was mocking him royally.

"What if we get attacked, huh?"

"We're a pack, Seungmin. We protect each other. Chan and Changbin will. That doesn't make you weak."

Seungmin swallowed up.

"What about kids?"

"Seungmin... We are 19. Why are you thinking about this now?" Hyunjin asked, rubbing his eyes, clearly tired.

"Because you might want kids someday."

"You know as well as I do that omega and beta can have children."

"It's harder than with an alpha."

"You know what's hard? Your heard. All I see is you trying to make excuses to run away because you're scared."

The beta looked down. Maybe he was afraid, but Hyunjin was the first interesting person he had known. He didn't want to experience the disappointment of having to leave him after living with him.

"You're not going to change your mind, are you?" The omega asked in a weak, disappointed voice.

"No... I'm sorry."

Hyunjin sighed. Silence invaded the room. Seungmin blamed himself. He knew he was hurting them both but he couldn't. He preferred to be hurt now, rather than be hurt later when his feelings get worse. He was sure Hyunjin was thinking the same thing. He was just too obsessed with his feelings to understand it.

"All right." Hyunjin finally said. "Let's make a deal."

The beta raised his head, meeting a determined look and a pinkie raised towards him.

"A deal?"

"One year... I give myself one year to find a potential alpha. If after one year I haven't found anyone who interests me, you try with me."

"It's stupid. We're far from many packs here, you won't meet many alphas. And then, what tells me you're really gonna look and not just wait for a year."

"Do you have so little faith in me, Seungmin? I promise you that won't be the case. Deal?"

Seungmin hesitated. The plan really seemed to be against him.

"Minnie, sometimes you just have to go for it. Stop thinking and listen to your heart for once, that's how you go for adventures."

The youngest grumbled before wrapping his pinkie around Hyunjin's and sticking their thumbs together to seal the promise.

"Deal."