Do You Love Me?

The Letter

Dear Natasha,

My beautiful Natalia, as you obviously know by now, I am no longer in the same room that you must be sat in. After our argument, you said those words. The ones that had certainly ended everything.

'Get out, don't come back' is what you said. "I'm so done with you." That's what you said Natasha. Maybe it was a heat of the moment sort of situation, but after all, you know me Natasha. I always take things too seriously.

In that moment it felt like everything was a lie. Like you used me. I was just there for your entertainment. It felt like you didn't love me and feeling unloved puts you in a very dark place.

Never feel unloved Natasha, if you're ever lonely just remember how much I love you. Still present tense you see. I'm so in love with you. In a way you'll never understand and quite inevitably, you'll never feel again.

I'm not coming back, I can promise you that. I really did want this to go on forever. Whatever this was. I've never met someone as beautifully stubborn and perfect as you Natasha.

I left for a number of reasons.

1. My obsession with you was becoming out of control. I've never felt so strongly about anyone, I know we're supposed to be soulmates and all so it's in some way natural, but I find myself becoming more and more attached everyday and it's too overwhelming.

2. Phrases such as "I'm done with you" always have meaning behind them. They don't just fly out of people's mouths impulsively. What I'm saying is, somewhere you must have had the feeling that you were actually done with me and you were certain about not wanting me to come back. That really hurts, Natasha. You hurt me.

3. It's hard knowing that we can never tell anyone about us. I want to be able to show you off to Alevler Evi, I want to be able to joke with the Avengers about your jealousy. Obviously not the one where you accused me of basically cheating, I know we're not a couple but I seriously had nothing going on with her.

4. I'm lying to everyone I know, so are you, that's not good for either of us. Eventually people were bound to find out, it's better that I left sooner rather than later else you would have lost everyone you've ever loved. I'm just one person, you'll get over it.

5. I know what I'm like. When dealing with conflict I just run away. I suppose that's what I'm doing now. But I'll have you know that I never turn back. Ever. You'll find someone better than me, someone good, it's possible to have more than one soulmate. You don't deserve someone who gets drunk after a silly argument. You don't deserve someone that you can't ever be with. That you can't go out with in the daytime. You don't deserve that.

I'm only going to ask one thing of you, don't forget me. You'll never see me again, but don't push the memories away. We had good times. Beautiful times. You should cherish them.

You'll always be the person that I'll describe as my first love when people ask me. My only love. I wont find another like you. You'll never understand the extent that I would go to be with you. But I can't. For the sake of your life, I can't.

Don't come looking for me. You wont find me. I'll always be watching you though, from afar.

Some people think I'm strong. But behind every strong person there's a story that gave them no choice. You made me feel strong, you made me feel powerful because how could I ever attract someone as figuratively royal as you.

The peasant is never an option for the princess.

Now that I'm away from you, I'll feel weak. Frail. Drained. You lit sparks in my heart and sent up fireworks in my eyes.

Natasha, baby, I love you but I must do this.

To save you.

I'll miss you and I'm sorry.

Yours always and forever,

Y/N.