Seasons #1

Azrael

I was twelve. I remember it all. Every moment of it. I hear her scream every time I close my eyes. I see her bruised, bleeding body as she sits in that chair and cries out as the belt comes down on her bare skin. I see it constantly in the back of my mind.

I was sent to a home for troubled kids at the age of thirteen after I threatened to burn down my foster parents house because I was left alone with the brother of my foster mother. Why? Because men, that's why. I have a fear of them. Its not silly when you see them through my eyes. I know their not all the same but I have major trust issues. Childhood trauma. Thanks, Dad.

"Azrael, I need you to be serious about this. You can't keep running off every time something upsets you. Its time to grow up and live like a normal human being."

"I'm far from fucking normal. And grow up? I'm more grown and have been through more than a fucking old man! Don't tell me to grow up, Meredith."

I hate being told what to do and I hate when adults think they can overrun me.

"Azrael, that's it! I've had it with you today. Room time for the rest of the day and you will have dinner in your room and no dessert!" Meredith snaps at me.

"Fine with me." I smirk at her.

"Room now! I'll be in later to discuss the school you're going to with you." She turns to walk in the kitchen.

"Wait! Did you just say school? As in an area with people?" I frown.

"Yes, Az. School. High school with other kids."

"I- I can't be around other -"

"You will learn to overcome your trauma, Azrael. Its going to take time, but you will never learn to live with it if you don't face it. Now go to your room, dinner will be served shortly." She walks into the kitchen and I run up the stairs into my room.

I can hear the other kids in the room next to mine. They're a lot younger than I am and they're only here temporarily. They're foster kids, like I used to be. They're only here while the system finds foster parents for them. They will get to leave. I will never be allowed to leave. This is where I will spend my life until I'm allowed to leave.

***

"Do I have to go? Why can't I just continue my homeschooling?" I cross my arms in frustration as Meredith goes over this school thing with me.

"Azrael I've told you many times you need human interaction."

"I do! I have conversations with the other kids here."

"You need to be around kids your own age. Your therapist said you need to have more interactions with kids your own age so that's what you're going to do. You can't just spend all your time here with the little kids."

"This is stupid. I didn't even want to come here." I sigh and face away from her.

I feel her frown without looking at her. I hear the sadness in her voice as she speaks calmly.

"When you were brought to me, you were thirteen. I was informed that you were living on your own before they finally brought you to me. You were living in filth, you were so small for your age. You were scared to death of every man that came near you. You would scream when someone would try to touch you. You ran right into my arms and let me hold you as you cried until you fell asleep in my arms. Azrael, when you were brought to me I promised myself I would take care of you and love you like-"

"Don't fucking say it! No one can ever love me like she did!" Tears slide down my cheek and I wipe them on my hoodie sleeve.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't going to say that. I was going to say I'll love you like my own child." She wipes a tear from my face. "I have always been the only one you allow to interact with you. The only one who you allow to comfort you. I will always be here for you, Az. Always. Don't push me away."

I look up at her and smile a little. "I'm sorry. I appreciate all you do for me, Meredith. I love you, but not like I loved her. You have to understand that. I know you're my caretaker and I'm supposed to love you like that and everything, but I just can't. You have to understand that."

"I do. I love you like my own child, more than you're ever going to know." She smiles at me again and pats my leg. "Get some sleep. Tomorrow we're going shopping for clothes and school supplies." She shuts my door behind her.

I lay down and let the nightmares consume me.