Seasons #1

Azrael

As I lay on my bed, I stare up at the ceiling. I don't stop the tears as they run down my face. I let the pain of my migraine consume me. I take deep breaths to stop the nausea from coming up. She saw them. She saw my cuts and my pain. She didn't say anything, she just stared. I feel so sick to my stomach. I run to the bathroom and release it all. I wipe my mouth on a towel and rub water over my face.

I sigh and strip down naked. I turn on the hot water in the shower and step in. I let the steaming water run down my back. I stand there until the hot water runs out. I wash my hair and body and grab a towel as I step out of the shower. I look at myself in the mirror I see my dark blue eyes. The curve of my mouth. I look at my cut arms and the silver scars. I turn around to look at the permanent bruise on my back I've had since I was twelve. It still hurts to the touch.

Am I worth anything? What is there to live for? I've got nothing to stop me from ending the pain. Would anyone even care if I did it right now? What's the point of going on about life if its too painful to even stand? Who is going to stop me?

I get dressed and blow dry my hair. I brush it down and then brush my teeth. I wash my hands and dry them off.

I climb back into bed and lay down holding my knees up to my chest. I quietly call out for help. I admit to myself that I'm not okay. I unfold myself and lay on my stomach. I steady my breath and close my eyes.

***

"Azrael! Get up!" I hear Meredith and slowly open my eyes. I sit up and feel the pain in my wrist as I pull myself up. I grab it with my other hand and hold it tight to my chest. "What happened?"

"I got into a fight at school yesterday." I rub my wrist trying to numb the pain.

"I need to take you to get it checked."

"No!" I say too fast. "I - I cant." I pull up my sleeve to show my red arms. "I don't want them to - you know."

"They won't I promise, please Azrael. Let me get you checked."

I nod in agreement. She leaves the room and waits for me downstairs.

***

"Its sprained." The nurse says to Meredith as I walk out into the lobby. "We wrapped it and called in a prescription for my pain medication if he needs it." The nurse smiles at me. "You're good to go. Enjoy the rest of your day."

I walk out to the car with Meredith and get in. I put on my seatbelt and sigh. "I don't want to go today."

"Okay." She replies as she puts her seatbelt on. "Let's go get some food and have some one on one time?"

"I'd love that." I smile at her and she smiles back. We pull out of the hospital parking and my stomach flips. Excitement or anxiety? Whatever it is I let the feeling consume me.