November 12th, 2010
Tick, Tick, Tick...
Just like that it's over.
The blood on my hands, it isn't because of me. It's because of him. All because of him.
I hope this will never happen again. Never again. Nothing I say will bring them back. No matter how hard I hope, no matter how hard I pray, nothing will bring them back. These scars remind me of them. They haunt me no matter where I go. All because of him.
Despite fighting to stay awake, I passed out.
EARLIER IN THE DAY...
The rumours are spreading like crazy. Our situation seems bleak. Practically the entire town knows of Padre's disappearance and how he allegedly joined the rebels. I can't really stop these rumours or change everyone's mind so I resolve to avoid these gossiping crowds.
I come back home to a destroyed Madre and Kamila. They seem blank; Madre is knitting and Kamila is sleeping. The silence, the deadness of the air, it's almost deafening.
I sorted the groceries into different cabinets and began washing the unclean dishes with water from the nearby stream. It flows from the nearby mountain so it's quite clean. I couldn't help but think sullenly about Padre again.
tick.
Kamila eventually wakes up from her long slumber and exits her room. I greet her with a pat on the head and a cup of water. She smiles softly back at me but something makes me feel like the smile is just a shell of how she really feels.
"Karlos?" she called.
"Yes?" I replied. As she was speaking, I realised something had changed. She doesn't call me Karlos unless she is really sad. This broke my heart a little.
"Is everything going to be okay?" Kamila looks at me. "You're so strong Karlos. You're helping all of us. I'm sorry I'm not." She said this so matter-of-factly that my heart shattered more.
"Of course everything is going to be okay Kami!" I exclaimed, kneeling down to get a better look at her. I tried to look confident although I was hurting too. "Even if anything happens, I'll protect you."
Her sad eyes suddenly had a small glimmer of hope. It seems like I cheered her up a bit. Following this new opportunity, I hugged her as tight as I possibly could at the moment. She was shocked for a moment, but then she grinned at me in true hopeful joy—happier than she ever was these past few days.
tick.
Madre finished knitting her 3rd sweater today. It's a sky blue sweater with white stripes all around. I don't know why, but it reminds me of the flag of the United States of America: the land of Freedom. She sets it down and begins making another. Her repetitive cycle.
Kamila hopped on the couch and turned on the TV. She kept switching through channels but the ones that she liked a.k.a the cartoons and Western shows were nowhere to be found. This is because the media is being controlled by the Communists; all the channels are state-owned and all "democratic propaganda" were removed. Basically, all channels outside of Paraméncio were banned.
As she's not able to find a channel that she likes, she turns off the TV and just daydreams. I never know what she's thinking about. I sit next to her and ask what's wrong but I am only met with silence.
Kamila blankingly stares at the TV and mutters, "Kaka, I love you."
My heart warms up as I process those words.
YOU ARE READING
At What Cost?
AzioneA boy fresh out of high school is dragged into a bloody civil war. He sees the bloody hell that he's trapped in and tries to figure out which side to help. As he navigates his new brutal life, he gets hit with bombs, gunfire and many other close br...
