The Dalish Warden (The Daughters of Thedas Book 1)

36: First Knight

Soundtrack:

King and Lionheart (Realin and Alistair's Theme)

When we returned to camp, Tristan basically tackled all four of us. Leliana looked relieved to see us. As did Zevran.

"Where have you been?" Leliana asked while Tristan was standing on Alistair's chest giving him a slobbery bath, fists on her hips and reminding me of Braylyn just then. "You disappeared for four days and no one knew where you'd gone! And the only thing Morrigan would say was 'They will return soon.'." Her impression of Morrigan was pretty funny.

"We had something we needed to do. It's done with now so no need to worry anymore," I said, attempting a reassuring smile. The others didn't need to know what that something was.

"Leliana, you should know that it shall take much to kill the Wardens here," Zevran said. "It is done, whatever they had to do and now we can get back to being a holy terror to Darkspawn."

I shook my head and walked towards Morrigan. She stood when I approached her. I pulled out the grimoire from my pack and handed it to her.

She gasped. "Mother's real grimoire, is it?" Her face had brightened. "I am glad you were able to find it after all. My thanks for retrieving it. And Flemeth?"

"Dead. Sten gave her the final blow."

She held the grimoire to her chest. "You have my gratitude. I cannot thank you enough for doing this. I shall begin studying this immediately and unlock the power it holds! Many, many thanks, Realin."

"You're welcome." I turned away to let her begin her study.

I was passing Wynne's tent when she stopped me.

"I must ask, Realin. What does being a Grey Warden mean to you?" she asked. I wondered if she asked Alistair the same question.

"It means I was chosen to do something important," I answered.

"There's that, of course, but there's more to being a Grey Warden than killing Darkspawn and saving the world from the Blight." I could tell she was winding up for a long one. "Ultimately, being a Grey Warden is about serving others, about serving all people, whether Elf or Dwarves or men." She must have known that I had been thrust into the world without proper training as a Grey Warden. I knew only what Alistair had told me, which wasn't much.

"You mean to say I serve as a protector?"

"As a Grey Warden, you are a guardian of men. And you guard them because their continued existence is more important than you are. Thus it is you who serves, not they." Not everyone was cut out to be a Grey Warden. Daveth had failed to master the taint. Jory had failed to master his fear. The thought of the rogue who'd escaped the noose only to die painfully from the taint saddened me. Perhaps it was better he died from the taint than torn apart by the Darkspawn.

"I suppose that makes sense."

"A good king, a true king who cares for his land, uses his power to rule firmly but fairly. He serves his people first and foremost. The king who does not do this, who believes he is entitled to his power, who abuses it and uses it for his own means, is a tyrant." I didn't plan on ruling anything, but I could understand the reference.

"So in a way, having power confines you?"

"If you live apart from others and your actions only affect you, then you may do as you wish. But if you have power, influence, and strength, your every action will be as a drop of water in a clear still pond. The drop causes ripples and the ripples spread. Think of how far they will go, how wide they become. How will they affect the pond? But I've lectured enough for today. I should stop before I wear out my welcome."

I smiled. Wynne had given me much to think on, even if she did tend to speak as if she were giving lessons at the Circle. She retired to her tent and I went over to the fire.

~~~

Leliana had retired and Sten and Zevran were on the edge of camp with Tristan between them.

Alistair joined me by the fire. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Better. How is your side?"

"Healed completely. Wynne has quite the talent in the healing arts."

I nodded.

"I was thinking about how Flemeth could have easily killed us. I don't know what I would have done had something happened to you."

I gazed at him and he returned the gaze. There was something in his eyes I had never seen there before.

"I would have lost it," I admitted. "I was afraid when you were knocked into the swamp. You have no idea how relieved I was when you surfaced."

"I thought you would be out of the fight when you hit the hut." He pushed a strand of hair that had escaped past the braid around my head back into place. "I thought...." he trailed off. His hand lingered a moment before he pulled it away.

I didn't know what I would have done had I lost Alistair. I couldn't think about it. I didn't want to think about it. All I wanted to think about was him. He suddenly leaned down and kissed me, breaking any coherent thought I had. It was the most passionate kiss I had ever had. There was lust there.

I broke away to catch my breath. "Alistair," I gasped, actually surprised at his passion.

"I've never felt like this about anyone," he said. "I've never..."

"I want you. But I don't want to push you." I didn't want to chase him away and ruin what we had by moving too fast. I hadn't felt like this towards anyone. Ever.

"You know that I've never done anything like this. With anyone. I was... quite sheltered, after all." Obviously, having been raised in the Chantry from age ten until Duncan recruited him into the Wardens. He stroked my cheek. "I care for you so much. Whenever I think of this, I feel like a bumbling idiot, all hands. I wish I could be better at this... I want it to be right."

I touched the hand that was stroking my cheek. "Just relax, Alistair," I said with a smile. I was sure he could hear the pounding of my heart at what I was about to suggest. "Join me in my tent only if you really want this."

"I really do, don't I? I keep telling myself that. I don't know. I'm willing to... give it a shot, if you are."

I smiled. "Yes. I'm willing."

"Right. I'm going to... stop talking now..."

I stood and went into my tent and Alistair followed.

~~~

We lay in each other's arms, panting and enjoying each other's company, my head on his chest and Alistair wrapping his arms around me.

"You know," Alistair said, running his fingers gently down my bare back and leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake. "According to all the sisters at the monastery, I should have been struck by lightning by now."

I smiled at him. "Not for that performance."

Alistair laughed. "Meaning it was so great that the Maker Himself has decided to spare me the usual punishment, right? Aww." I saw a blush start to appear on his cheeks. "You realize the rest of our little party here is going to talk, right? They do that."

"First smart comment and I feed them to the Darkspawn."

His laughter was hearty. "See? This is why I love you. So... what now? Where do we go from here?"

"I really don't know. We take it day by day I guess."

"Just so long as we're on the same wavelength. Good to know. Before we go, I just want to thank you. No one's ever made me feel this way. I wasn't... sure it could happen, in fact."

I put my hand on his chest "I feel the same way. I never thought I would feel like this."

He leaned in and kissed me. "Good to know."

I wanted to stay in his arms forever. Damn the Blight. Damn the treaties. I didn't want this perfect night to end.