Better Off Friends | Joshifer

33 - Yours by Midnight

Yours by Midnight

Today is December 29, two days before New Year's. And I still haven't broken up with Nick.

Yes, I promised Josh I would, and I would do it. I have a plan. I just haven't brought myself to do it.

I'm back in L.A. I haven't seen Josh for the past week, and I miss him so much already.

Those weeks I spent with him were the best of my life. Literally. Yeah, it may be filled with awkward feelings, but aside that, it was great. Even though I cried myself to sleep one night. It's still the greatest. Nothing could compare to it.

I guess it was a good thing that I opened up. Finally, all was okay. Except for one thing. I still haven't broken up with Nick. And I need to do it now.

I picked up my phone, but just as I was touching it, it ringed. It's Nick. Nice.

I took a deep breath and got ready for this thing. I can do this. You can do this, Jen. Don't ruin what you waited for your whole life, or you're just gonna regret it over and over again.

"Hey." I say in a chirpy voice. Which was unusual because I don't get high-pitched. Except when I'm nervous, so that means I am.

"Hey. I'm going to catch a flight later, okay? I'll see you." He says. He sounds excited, which even made it worse. It made me feel bad.

"Don't bother." It was almost inaudible, but I'm sure he heard it.

"What? Why?"

"Uhh." I sigh. "This is gonna be hard. But I'm sorry."

"I'm confused, Jen. Just get to the point already." I notice how sexy my name sounds with his British accent.

Oh God, snap out of it.

"I hate to do this over the phone, and with you miles away." This is the first time I'll ever do this. "But I'm breaking up with you. I'm sorry."

"What did I do Jen?" He asks, his voice getting choky. "Can we please work this out?"

"It's not you. It's me. It really is." I'm a horrible person. I just think of myself instead of other people. I think of my own happiness, and don't give a shit about other people. "I'm sorry."

"Jen!" He shouts, but I hang up. I lower my phone back to the sofa.

I lie down, and stare at the ceiling. I can't seem to think or do anything. Before I know it, my eyes are filled with tears. I don't know why I'm crying. I should be happy, shouldn't I? That the worst part is over. I broke up with him, I'm single, I'm free to do anything I want.

Ironically, the thing I want is to get back together with someone.

Then my mind starts to think about Josh again. I realize he hasn't called since he left Louisville. Usually, he would, but he didn't. Maybe he's busy with his family, just as I was.

What if he didn't break up with Claudia? And he'll leave me again.

No. Jen. Do not think that.

He was the one who planned this right? He promised me. He won't break his promise. He said he loved me. And that he would do anything for me.

Stop panicking.

I close my eyes, and breathe. Inhale, exhale.

Now. I'm a little okay. But the dread is still there.

Why don't you just call him? That'll get your worry off.

I picked up my phone and hit one on speed dial.