Breaking The Rules: Book 2

Chapter 2: Leave Me To Drown

𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝙹𝚞𝚗𝚎 𝟺𝚝𝚑
Parker POV

Missing Miles always comes in waves, and tonight, I'm drowning.

It wasn't long after the New Year had passed when my parents decided that I was depressed and needed some serious help.

If I had to guess, they made that assumption because I didn't leave the house once over winter break, spent too much time in bed with the curtains drawn, cried every single time they dragged me into town and we passed the auto part store, hardly ate anymore, and was lucky if I had the energy to shower more than once or twice a week.

Mom, being the occupational therapist she is, seems to know every other counselor in the three states surrounding California. She managed to track down one of the best depression therapists in the area, and two weeks after the New Year, I met Mr. Doctor Khan.

Usually, when you read about heartbreak or see those heartfelt poetry blurbs on Tumblr about losing a loved one or whatever, it's easy to scoff at them when you've been single your entire life. I've never understood how a human could love someone so deeply that the mere absence of them rips a massive hole in their life.

At least, that's one of the many things that I could tell Doctor Khan before I broke into a massive panic attack.

It only took one session for the doctor to agree with my parents. Growing up, I always knew I had a touch of depression, but now I officially have the stamp of approval. I was, and still am, drowning in a numbing clinical mess of GAD, major depression, and even a little sprinkle of PTSD.

After that appointment, January was a whirlwind of doctor appointments and days spent portioning out meds packaged in yellow bottles.

And after that... I'll be honest. I don't remember much. My parents say that having a foggy memory is a side effect of all the recent events.

Sometimes I remember the phone calls and long nights spent FaceTiming with Miles. I can recall the All-Star conference a few months ago when Greyson was so angry with my performance that he pulled us out of there a few days early. There's no forgetting the handful of colleges that emailed me the following week, all of the subject lines starting with, 'We regret to inform you...'. After a while, I began to block out the number of teachers that kept me after class, asking why my grades were plummeting.

Miles is one of the best things that happened to my life, and then it quickly turned around to be one of the worst things. He ruined me.

Yet I still spend every waking minute checking my phone for texts, Snapchats, and phone calls. It's been over six months since I last saw his face, and he's still my lifeline.

Exhaling slowly, I roll onto my back on Miles side of the bed and rub my eyes with the palms of my hands. I pick the sleep crusties off of my eyelashes before reaching over and grabbing my phone. The screen lights up as I pick it up, eager to see if he texted in the last two hours I've spent sleeping.

Nothing. My screen saver taunts me instead. I changed it last winter after Rose, Forrest, Griffin, Miles, and I went to the diner together. Miles and I were sitting on the same side of the booth, a tangle of limbs, as he pressed a messy kiss against my cheek. Rose caught me in the middle of laughing, my eyes squeezed shut in adoration and glee.

It was the last picture we took together. Little did I know at the time that moments later, Miles would run outside to argue with his mom and beg for more time here with me.