The Strong and Silent Type [DESTINY2XOC] (NO LONGER CANON)

Confusion and Desperation- Witch Queen

I... I don't know what I know anymore.

After all these years, all that info-dumping Gwaine did whenever I was curious about the universe was true. I mean, I knew his gauntlets were true Ahmkara, but I had no idea you could bond with them in that way. I mean, I guess I should have known with the encounter I had with mine, but I didn't think someone could be so stupid as to-

Who am I kidding? I would have too if things were desperate enough. And he was a New Light at the time, so he wouldn't have known.

But Hive Ghosts. Hive Guardians.

I have so many more questions that need answering.

Gwaine, Vulkan and I had been on Mars. Savathun's ship had barged in while Ikora was still getting things settled with Eris and the Hidden and the Cabal and the Darkness. Mars had reappeared after being essentially gone from the system for a good long while. Then Savathun showed up. The three of us charged into her ship. It was fun- nerve-wracking, but fun. It was a nice feeling to be doing something so serious again.

It was odd as it was- we walked in there and Savathun's Throne World reeked of Light. But when we saw....

The Hive Ghost. We killed a higher up Hive and a Ghost spawned in its place and revived it. The moment it was up, it bent the Light to its form- it used Void energy and molded it into a shield, like a titan. We killed it again, and Gwaine stood before it, breathless and jittery and panicked. None of us knew what to do- but Gwaine followed his whim (or the whim of his gauntlets- I'm now starting to realize those things have had a lot more influence over him than I first believed) and brought the Ghost into his clutches, crushing it in his gloved hands. It screeched in horror as it died.

"What the fuck was that?!" Vulkan yelled, furious and confused. I remained silent- as I always had. "That... that was a Hive Ghost." Silver spoke in tremors, shock overflowing in his tone. How could he not be- we were all shocked. And horrified.

We learned bit by bit what had happened. Savathun tricked the Light- tricked the Traveler into granting her the Light. So we used the Dark against her. Shaped old forms into new ones- crafted glorious glaives and various other weapons that tore through her ranks. We helped her remember, and in turn, she thanked us by trying to kill us.

But then we helped her remember too much. We gave her knowledge of how she, the God of tricks and cunning, was tricked by her own worm. And in her rage, she grew sloppy. We killed her for it, but her Ghost, Immaru, got away. A bit of a prick, he is.

And after it all, I still felt lost. So I kept working- working to try and distract myself from the maddening confusion and anxiety it all caused. We dealt with her dying worm, giving it a host in the form of a gun. We obtained answers from it and Mara Sov. I worked with Caital and Saladin and Crow to try and halt the Lucent Hive guardians from stealing the Light of our guardians, and committing other atrocities by having Caital and her Psions invade their mindscapes.

Outside of that, I had nothing more to do. I continued to wander Savathun's Throne World, lost within the beautiful fauna and flora- how I hated it. I collected more of her memories for the sake of digging for answers, but instead got more riddles.

I went to Gwaine, seeking answers. Usually I'd go to Osiris, but after getting his letter... after discovering he willingly became Savathun's pawn... I didn't know what to do, but I wanted our first interaction after that to not be business. Because the thing is... I would have done the exact same thing, if I had been in his position. And... I know that to be a fact.

"All those things you used to ramble on about- about the Krill, the Witness, Dark and Light, Paracausality- it's all true?" I had asked Gwaine, desperation in my tone.

"Just as true as you and your timelines." Gwaine answered.

"Shit." I actually muttered the curse, running a hand through my hair. I was overflowing with nerves- I felt like I was about to explode. He gave me a surprised look and let out a deflated and anxious laugh, trying to lighten the feeling of it all. My mind wasn't on that, though. It was more of the realization I had a library- an archive to the universe sitting beside me.

I needed more- I needed to know everything about everything. And who better to ask than the man that could obtain all that just by asking the silver bones wrapped around his arms.

I don't know why, but my brain can't forget things- or at least it's really hard to. I can't say that with complete confidence since I forgot everything upon being Risen and a bad concussion can make my memory foggy until I die again and reset my brain- and if I'm "foggy" for too long, I can fully forget things, or have a hard time remembering at the very least. 

So when Gwaine decided to lay it all out for me, even in his insane madman-methods, I held onto every bit.

Silver helped me log it all, too- can't be too careful with information like this. But he knew better than to even consider sharing it with anyone. The odd thing was that it seemed as though it was the first time Merlin, Gwaine's Ghost, was hearing a lot of it too.

My hunger, or thirst- whatever you may call it- for knowledge was quenched... somewhat. And for some time, I felt relaxed by the notion. My need came back soon after though, questions forming in my mind as the information finally processed in full, and Gwaine said he couldn't answer all of them. "Why?" I signed madly. "Why not?!" He didn't meet my gaze through his mask, visor detached, scratching the back of his neck. "Because some questions not even my gauntlets will answer. They say I have to wait, or something. I don't know why." He sighed. "I'm sorry, Arjun."

I could tell there was more to it than that. There was so much more. It was easy to tell when he was lying. But he wouldn't say, and I couldn't pry it from him. So, with a huff, I left. I left, mind still reeling with the information he had bestowed upon me.

My anxiety swelled again, the thoughts of the Witness crowding my tired mind. For once I found I might not want my contingency plan to be a fall into the mind of an exo body I'd made. Maybe I could just turn myself into something more fluid, like an AI, just as Clovis had done with his own mind.

For once, I felt tired. I've been anxious before. I've been overwhelmed before. I'm an overthinker- I'm used to it. I've wanted a break due to the fatigue this job can cause plenty of times.

But never had I felt so tired.