Smack-dab, in the Middle of Nowhere (Waste Stories #1)

43. Tornadoes Left, Right, and Centre (Part 3)

Terrance Leeland yelled loudly as he tightened his metal pipe around the grey mutant's neck. He wrapped his legs either side of the giant's disgusting body and squeezed tightly, using as much power in his lower body as possible so as to not fall off the bucking creature. At the same time, he pulled on the pipe and used his stub hand to hold it in place, trying to starve the thing's brain - or whatever it had as a replacement - of oxygen. Then it would fall down to ground level and he'd have all the time in the world to do as he pleased.

"Hold still, you ugly grey bastard," he growled, squeezing even tighter.

It whimpered loudly and dropped its heavy wooden club, staggering in big circles as its arms, both large and small, flailed outwards in panic. Terrance felt an immense satisfaction at being on the other side of the strangling, his neck still coloured by the bruising of Phoenix's attack the other day. He decided to pump the pipe a few times to add more panic, and for a little flare. In quick bursts he'd yank the pipe inwards, then again and again. The creature whimpered and whimpered, stumbling and staggering all the while waving its arms around in every direction. Terrance didn't bother ducking out their way, for he was confident that the muscles in its big arm were too gratuitous for it to reach behind itself and grasp at the adventurer. But, just to be safe, he kept one eye on the monstrosity all the same.

After a minute of squeezing, the giant mutant's movements began to ebb. Its staggering slowed, arms held lower than previously. Terrance Leeland grinned evilly, snickering confidently to himself. He always felt such ecstasy when he was winning, like he could hold an erection for days on the pure pleasure of the thing. He pumped the pipe again, forcing the creature to gag and choke so that it would wear itself out even faster.

And it did. Gargled coughing noises escaped out from under its big mask, and soon it fell to its knees, strangled moans of pain wheezing out from its closed throat. Terrance let go of its torso and stood firmly with two feet on the ground, the monster now low enough that he could comfortably stand whilst still holding his pipe in place. For good measure, he put one of his black boots on the small of its back and pushed, all the while pulling with his pipe.

It had a great effect, too. The stupid creature let out a particularly pathetic gag and its body went almost limp. But, just before it was dead, Terrance released his pressure. He didn't want it to die just yet. He needed it alive so that it could see and feel every ounce of vengeance he had planned for its ugly face.

He'd drag this out as long as he could.

* * *

The great grentuputron beast spewed its fire and noise down onto the ground, and Randolf the Conqueror, Ruiner of Worlds, Bringer of Shadows and Lord of Rabbit-Like kind saw human after human explode into bloodied pieces as its rivers of hellfire struck them down. Helga Who Eats Your Internal Organs had never returned, and so The Many Sons and Daughters of the Grentuputron Moon were charging in blind, as foolish as it may be. But the great beast might awaken at any moment, and it could not be allowed to escape.

Together they weaved their way through the legs of the clashing humans, fighting their way through the angered storm as it drove dust and stones in their fur and eyes. One of The Many Sons and Daughters of the Grentuputron Moon, a rabbit-like fellow by the name of Hondor the Strong and Mighty and Sometimes Wise, had been struck by a falling weapon and cleaved in half by the thing, which did not go down well with his scar-faced life-partner, Filder the Fast and Sly and Always Wise. She did something to the human's internal organs Randolf the Conqueror, Ruiner of Worlds, Bringer of Shadows and Lord of Rabbit-Like kind had never seen before, was highly impressed by, and would never forget.

The group had slain four humans by the time they finally managed to break through the throng and reach the spiked, scaly hide of the great beast. It towered above them, a veritable titan of a creature, that rocked and shook violently as its humans unleashed their devastation on other humans. Without needing further prompting, The Many Sons and Daughters of the Grentuputron Moon started climbing the thing, finding easy footholds between its scales and its spikes. Strangely, its head seemed hollow, with great cushioned padding and many human things inside it. Randolf the Conqueror, Ruiner of Worlds, Bringer of Shadows and Lord of Rabbit-Like Kind could only guess as to the symbiotic nature of the beast and its humans, but he knew that he wanted nothing of the sort for him and his people. The humans ate rabbit-like creatures, and in kind, the rabbit-like creatures ate humans. That was symbiosis enough.

"Mawp mawp, mawp mawp mawp mawp!" came a noise somewhere over their shoulders.

A human had spotted The Many Sons and Daughters of the Grentuputron Moon clambering up the beast, and was pointing at them and yelling with its bizarrely complex mouth noises. Another human appeared, both armed with close-quarters weapons, and they started chopping at the beast to shake off Randolf the Conqueror, Ruiner of Worlds, Bringer of Shadows and Lord of Rabbit-Like Kind's mercenary group. Nervous of this unfortunate turn of events, he beckoned for Filder the Fast and Sly and Always Wise, and Barolf, Wielder of Many Strengths, to leap from their footholds and attack the humans. They did so with skill and bravery, landing on the human's faces and slashing into them with claws and teeth and more claws.

The rest of the group continued to climb the great scaled cliff of the beast, but the humans atop it were alerted to their presence.

"Mawp! Mawp mawp!" one shouted.

"Mawping Mawp!" shouted the other.

One of them brought forth a small shiny block with a handle at one end and a hole at the other, aiming it towards The Many Sons and Daughters of the Grentuputron Moon. It erupted with noise and smoke and flame, its powerful magic tearing a hole through the slender torso of the bird-like Harhar'a'keet. Her blood splashed across her dog-like friend, Woof, who growled loudly and bared his fangs in response. His eyes changed at that moment, from determination to blood-lust. He howled to the storm and changed climbing direction, heading straight for the human with the magical block. She unleashed her fire on Woof, and his head burst open, body falling limp to the dust below.

"Mawp mawp!" screamed the human with no magic, for the only remaining mercenary, Brinhold the Undoer of Life, was almost upon him. There was a brief scuffle at the top of the beast, and then Brinhold the Undoer of Life fell from his lofty position, his life undone. Randolf the Conqueror, Ruiner of Worlds, Bringer of Shadows and Lord of Rabbit-Like Kind suddenly found himself entirely alone on the great scaled hide of the grentuputron beast, its two humans both staring straight at him.

* * *

All around Smack-dab's garden, the battle raged. The Starry Place soldiers had no idea, but their numbers dwindled with each passing second, Farmer Brown's mighty truck carving great swathes of death among their ranks, even amid the tumult of the dust storm.

On the other side of the battlefield, Bert's Battalion fought bravely against the farmers, clashing with axes, clubs, and many an impolite word. But try as they might, they struggled to break through the Farm's front line, unable to coordinate any semblance of a coordinated strike in the midst of the howling winds and raging filth.

The Battle of Smack-dab turned ever closer in the favour of Farmer Brown.

* * *

Can you imagine if I just left it at that? No more parts. Just a big ol' cliffhanger and then I disappeared into the ether. To be fair, it would be very "Wattpad novel I was enjoying but then it stopped and never came back", which is very chique I hear.

Alas, the only thing that could keep us going now...is a li'l vote. Maybe a sneaky comment. Oh go on, you know you want to.

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