Down Bitch *Plus size story*

11.5

Jamal POV

"Where is that coming from?" She asked and I shook my head.

"Nevermind, I got my answer." I sighed.

"No baby." She lied.

* Mom, don't lie to me!*
"Mamá, no me mientas!" I raised my voice. "Mommy please don't lie to me. I just wanna know the truth you know how I feel about being lied to." I tried to calm myself, the last thing I wanna do is disrespect my momma.

"Baby, why do you wanna know that baby?" She asked and sat beside me. "Like What is this all for, like what are you gonna get outta the answer, like help me understand" she sighed.

"Can you just tell me Mamá I don't know what I will get out of it but if you tell me the truth I will know." I huffed.

"Okay he was rushing to get to me because your Gma was tryna fight me and I was pregnant." I sat there with no feeling.

"What?" I asked.

"She was tryna fight me and I was pregnant. She came to me yelling about something with- I don't even know she said she wanted to kill me and I couldn't really defend myself. Then I called him and locked myself in my room til she left and I came out and your dad never showed up and I just decided to cook dinner for you guys because I thought he was at your game and-" she paused as she wiped the tears that fell from her face.

"Grandpa called me crying and he told me he was dead and I just like my fault like it was my fault. Like if I would've just handled the situation myself he would still be here. I am so stupid." She cried.

"Mom, you were pregnant?" I asked rubbing her back and she nodded. "What happened like where is it?"

"I got an abortion because I could handle the pressure and they said I was stressing to much and-"

"You aborted his last child." I moved away from her. "Mom do you know how important that baby was it was his last-"

"I was going through too much. I couldn't take care of another fatherless child that wouldn't have been fair." She cried and grabbed me and I removed myself from her grip.

"What is not fair is giving me a say or even giving that baby a chance to live. That is so fuck- I don't even know why I fucking asked!" I snapped and stormed to my room.

Joi POV

"What the fuck?" Brianna said as we saw Jamal speed past us.

"Maybe we should just go babe." Josh stood up. "You want me to drop you off Cece." I shook my head.

"I am gonna make sure he is okay then I just make Jordyn take me home." They nodded and I stood up and I hugged them and we said our goodbyes.

I slowly made my way upstairs to Jamal's room and his door was locked.

"Jamal baby answer the door please." He didn't answer so I went into the guest room and went through the second entry to his room.

I saw him sitting on the edge of the bed staring off into space.

"You okay?" I asked him sitting beside him.

"I am fine but you can go." He got up and went to the bathroom.

"Jamal I understand-"

"No you don't fucking understand!" He yelled and I instantly got scared "you don't fucking understand this shit is a daily battle for me! Yes you lost your dad to but you were like fucking nine! I was fucking 16 the time I need him the fucking most he was snatched away from me! So you don't fucking understand! Every game he misses I just want to quit! My mom is a fucking selfish liar! How could she kill his last child! That love shit doesn't matter when times get hard everybody quits so I am not even gonna waste my time messing with you! Now you can let yourself out or you can get kicked out one or the other but you're gonna leave." I looked at him in disbelief.

"Just because I was little doesn't me the death of my fucking father didn't hurt me. My dad was my everything just like yours was to you. Atleast your mom still acts like you exist, at least she fucking loves you. My mom doesn't give a fuck about shit but Jordyn and what sport she plays and what new pair of shoes she fucking wants. I have nobody! I thought I had you but I guess not. I lost my mom and dad on the same day. So fuck you! When did I ever say or act like my dad's death didn't affect me. I stay to myself with few people around me so I won't lose them. You the one that is walking around smiling and acting all fucking jolly. You always ask me why I never smile. My dad fucking left me man! The first man I loved and the first person to ever love me and the only person! I have nothing to fucking smile about! My happy place left me but I would never be mean to you because of how I fucking feel. I feel that shit everyday. Everyday I wake up I see my mom packing a special lunch and dropping Jordyn off because she is the perfect skinny athletic daughter she always wanted. Knowing I will never get that treatment or that love ever the fuck again."

"Listen-" his voice softened.

"This right here is why I isolate myself from people. Y'all all let me down and leave me. Just take me home you don't have to say sorry I am already hurt, sorry won't do shit to help it." I felt so hot with emotions but I refused to let him see me cry.

I am not weak!

"Joice listen I am sorry. I should have never said that to you because you are right. You have opened up to me and been there for me and I should never and will never talk to you like that. Ever again. I am so sorry." He hugged me from behind. "I am so sorry."

I can't cry! Don't cry!

"Whatever." I spoke lowly. "Just take me home."

"No I am not gonna let you go." He sighed. "I am sorry baby. I need you."

"Let me go." I tried to unwrap his arm from around me and started kissing on my neck. "Jamal please." I wanted him to stop but my body slowly started to give into him.

"Okay i am going to stop." he stepped back. "Listen to me Joi. I apologize from the bottom of my heart. You didn't deserve that." I sighed.

"I have to get home." My mind was racing ten miles per minute.

"I- okay let's go" he sighed.

I went into the living room and grabbed my things.
The car ride was uncomfortably silent.

Maybe I got too comfortable too fast. Maybe this is god's way of pulling me back to reality. Relationships are not for me. This is why I never wanted to do this shit. He is right, love doesn't matter and why should I waste my time.

"Bye." I said hopping out the car before he could respond.

"Hey, Joi." My mom smiled at me as I worked in the house. Her face automatically dropped."what's wrong now? What happened this time?" she sat her coffee mug down and rolled her eyes.

I just shook my head and made my way upstairs.

Closing my door I knew that this was a safe place to allow my emotions out. I flopped on my bed and cried myself to sleep once again.