Ice Blue

Chapter 13

As soon as we arrive at the mansion, I get off the car and run inside, as fast as possible, hoping he won't catch me before I reach my room but I already hear him yell.

"Anastasia!" his deep voice is loud and deep. Way too close. I stop on the stairs and take off my heels to move faster but he already reaches the entrance. I'm panicking. "Get your ass back down here!" I see him take off his jacket and aggressively throw it on the ground while I grab my heels and continue running up.

Why is this man chasing me? Because he wants to find out the truth. He discovered something and can't let go of it now. The blonde woman, the beard guy and my dad are forgotten. He has a new topic that he wants to know everything about and he apparently doesn't understand that I don't want to talk about it.

"Leave me alone!" I shout and panic when I see him walk up the stairs. It excites me because I don't know what will happen and what he will do to me, if he catches me. Him following me excites me. This little game is exciting. My skin starts tingling again and heat flows towards my lower abdomen but I don't stop. I continue turning to the right and running down the hallway for my room.

"Don't you dare to run from me!"

I enter my room and just when I'm about to shut the door closed, he shoves his hand through the door and the doorframe. I scream, feeling caught and scared for my life, as if he'll murder me for enjoying girls. He throws the door open when I back off and my heart is hammering so hard and fast against my chest that it hurts. My legs are shaking but he can't see that through the dress. I swallow. His deep stare has me on a chokehold and I can barely breathe. He looks like a hungry animal that's about to rip me apart. I'm so nervous that I'm nauseous.

"You're bi?" he doesn't yell anymore. He sounds out of breath but not because his endurance is awful. This situation and subject are doing this to him. His shallow breaths give away what he might be thinking but I don't even want to guess it because I'd be too embarrassed. His eyebrows are pinched together, not too hard and angry. More irritated and confused. I don't know what this does to him or what he wants. Would it change anything, if it would be the case? If I'd be bi?

"I'm not..." I tell him. Now he's frowning hard. He thinks I'm lying and I can already see his muscles tensing so hard that they're about to rip his shirt apart so I hurry to explain. "I like girls. In a sexual way." I admit. I've never told this anyone else before because I was scared of judgement and I liked keeping it to myself. It makes it more special and exciting. I didn't want Max to think of me differently or ask herself if I'm asking myself how it would be to hook up with her from time to time. Or my other friends. They shouldn't be questioning me. I didn't want anyone to find it hot, exciting or weird. There was no opinion needed. Nobody needed to know about my desires and fantasies because they belong to me and it excites me even more when it's private.

"I don't think I can imagine having a relationship with a woman. I just like the sexual part with them and I don't know what this sexuality is called but I don't care." I tell him, not knowing what he will do with this information and why it's so important to him. I've been trying to avoid this situation for so many years. I knew it would happen sooner or later but not like this. Somehow I have to admit that it doesn't feel too bad. Maybe because Valentin is a grown man and not a teenager and his reaction thrills me a lot.

I watch him square his shoulders. Something about him is different now. He takes a few steps forwards but I don't back off. I don't want to seem insecure about it. I'm not ashamed and I'm not regretting it. I'm only nervous because I never spoke about this before. I'm not used to share my thoughts and fantasies with anybody and I'm not sure if I'm ready to do that now. With him. I don't know how to explain it or speak about it without feeling like I'm giving away a piece of me, yet I have to realize that it doesn't bother me too much to tell him about it.