Ice Blue

Chapter 19

He walks in, his clothes different from those he was wearing last night and this noon. He had the time to change and he looks even better than before. His messy hair makes him look unbelievably hot and his black hoodie gives me some vibes that I can't explain. His whole outfit and appearance makes me tremble. How does he manage to always look so attractive? Even when he is staring at me in silence he is making me nervous. His piercing eyes are so strong and deep that I can't escape them. They're pulling me in, even when I'm pulling away. They're making me freeze, even when I'm burning.

Why isn't he saying anything? Why is he looking at me like that?

I stand up from where I'm sitting. For some reason I expected a hug or any other intimacy as a greeting. Some kind of closeness at least. This is upsetting. He is so cold that I'm freezing, though he's not even close to me. That's why I tuck my arms under my arms. Should I say something? Maybe he's expecting something from me. Maybe I need to make the first step. It shouldn't always be him.

I open my mouth to say something but he's faster. "Grab something and meet me outside. It's cold." his voice is firm but he doesn't sound angry. That's a good sign, isn't it? Something tells me it's not. Why is he acting like a stranger now? I feel my heart drop, knowing that I was right. Nothing ever stays the same here or with him. I'm so annoyed and frustrated because he switched up again. Why does this keep happening? I'm tired of it. We really need to get our things straight because we both finally need to realize what we want before someone gets hurt since I doubt that I can survive getting hurt more.

He leaves and I go upstairs to my room to grab a coat that's long enough to reach my calves. I clench my jaw, already nervous. I need to keep calm. Maybe it's not the way I think. Maybe things will turn out differently. Why would he call me outside? What is it that we can't handle in here? Are we going somewhere? Nausea rolls over me. Is he going to take me back home? Thinking of my time here being over makes my hands shake. Sweat breaks out on my neck and the hairs on my body stand on end. Would he really do that? Is he done with me now? After he got what he wanted from me? Do I really want to stay? It seems like I wouldn't want to go back home, even if he'd tell me I could leave. I'm not sure anymore, if I want to leave. Maybe that's only what I'm thinking now because I'm panicking. I don't want to think of it all yet because it gives me headaches.

I don't know what's wrong and what's right yet or what I want and what I don't want.

I take a deep breath while I'm walking down the stairs and outside to him. I need to calm down and stop overthinking. It could be about something else. Maybe he wants to get some fresh air with me, show me something or talk about the man and what will happen now because I want to know it since I was worried about it all day. I have a right to know what happen and how the situation will be handled. My guilt is eating me up. Bad things shouldn't happen. Especially not because of me.

He's standing next to the cherry tree with his hands in his pockets. I approach him and promise myself to keep a cool head.

It will be fine.

As I stop right in front of him I notice how the wind blows his scent right into my nose. I close my eyes for a second, letting my head fall back and savoring the smell of his skin, his clothes and the perfume I know so well by now. I would find it between millions. I would find him between millions.

I open my eyes and see that he's looking down at me with his head cocked forward. My heart flutters and I swallow. I didn't even realize how close I'm standing to him. How close our noses are and how are lips are aching to touch.

I slowly tiptoe and plant a soft kiss on his lips. He doesn't pull away.

He kisses me back, just as softly until I'm the one who backs away.