Say Please

Highs and Lows

The entire ride home I felt myself drifting back to the kiss: reveling in the way his lips felt against mine, loving the way his hand cupped my face—so gentle yet forceful. I couldn't help but imagine what could've happened if I had stayed. No, Skye. Don't think about it. I still had to work with him, and if we were to make things awkward it might interfere with work.

I told myself that like it wasn't already something more.

I thanked the driver and stepped out of the car. Was it wrong to feel slightly disappointed in seeing my own apartment? I sighed as I opened my front door. Waves of sleep and heavy-heartedness hit me as my head hit the plush feathers of my pillow. Exhaustion took hold sooner than I thought it would, and I calmly drifted toward sleep.

"I had a really great time last night," Chan cooed as I walked into his office. "So great I was sad to see it end."

"Me either. Sorry I was such a party pooper at the end." I frowned dramatically.

"That's no issue," he said, sauntering over to my position against his door. His arm slid around my waist and his palm cupped my lower back. He pulled me close—so close that I could feel his heart beating as fast as mine. "It is Monday after all." He winked and we glanced down at the deep purple, lacy tank top/shorts set I had decided on.

"Weird," I thought aloud, "I wasn't actually going to wear this. I was kidding."

"Isn't that the joy of a dream?" He countered. A dream? Why was I so aware then?

Before subconscious me could answer my thought, his mouth was on me, much more fervent this time. His hand was unwavering—holding me in place while he explored my jawline and down my neck, showering me with kisses. I let out a loud moan that only excited him further. His kisses turned into gentle bites along my collarbone.

"I don't know what I will do if I can't fuck you right now," he growled from his position at the base of my neck. Fire rushed through my veins.

"You don't need to worry about that," I responded with the same passion. "You can have all of me."

I gasped awake and silently cursed myself for not letting the dream continue. I glanced at my phone that was buzzing on my nightstand.

Bri: Bitch, you will never guess who I went home with last night.

Skye: I mean... I'm hoping it was team Britender all night last night.

Bri: NOPE. Do you remember that guy from the warehouse that I think you met with once? His name was Leif?

I vaguely recalled the viking-looking man—a perfect fit for his name—that helped walk me through what they keep for marketing supplies. He was a very well-built man with broad shoulders and tattoos covering his body from head to toe.

Skye: I think so!

Bri: He showed up hella late last night, like twenty minutes after you and Chan left. He walked right up to me and remembered who I was, and we sat and talked until like two. He invited me over since we weren't ready to stop the party.

Skye: OMG how was it?

Bri: So far so good. I'm laying in bed next to him. He's super cute when he's sleeping. Also pretty hot when he's fucking me.

I gasped audibly at her vulgarity. I love it, I thought. Before I could respond, she texted once more.

Bri: SPEAKING OF... what happened with you and Chan? I need all the spicy deets.

Skye: I mean, there's not much to talk about. We went to this little wine spot and ate/drank. And then before I got into my Uber he kissed me.

Bri: Wow. Did this come out of nowhere?

Skye: I mean... not on my side. How could I not find him attractive? But I was kind of surprised on his side. I just thought he was flirty with everyone.

Bri: If it helps he has never been flirty with me.

I grinned widely at her admission. At this point I had to stop selling myself short. He showed interest last night and I had assumed that was just him—because why me?

Skye: Well it could've been the alcohol too. I'm not going to hope for anything.

Bri: Don't do that to yourself. He wanted to kiss you regardless. You're a freaking catch babe. You should ask him on a date. Take initiative.

Skye: LOL me? Do you know me at all? Social anxiety is my killer.

Bri: Didn't seem like a killer last night.. :)

Skye: Thank you vodka and tequila.

—

My Sunday went on like any other. I used the day for self-care—which was much needed after my hangover set in. I spent my time lounging on the couch watching episodes of The Office I had already seen at least twenty times or meal prepping for the week. Trying to be productive while I still had Chan on my mind was practically an impossible feat. The way his abdomen felt under my lips locked in each time I took a bite of food. The feel of his thigh during my accidental slip ran laps in my mind as I cleaned. The way his breath felt against my skin while he whispered into my ear sent a new shiver up my spine each time I felt a gust of Seattle breeze from the window.

How am I supposed to exist around him now... I thought to myself. My eyes already wandered in our small team meetings, and I couldn't even imagine what would happen now if he sat next to me—or even looked in my direction. Around seven, my phone buzzed, throwing me back into the reality of my life.

Mark: Can we talk? Please? I can come over to the apartment.

I sat, frozen. Mark and I had history, and I was silly to forget about all of that just for my coworker—even if he was gorgeous, kind, and had a sexy accent. With the way things ended between us, there was more we needed to talk about. I owed Mark that much—for him to explain his side of things. The practical part of me wanted him to fuck off; there's no excuse for cheating. But Mark and I's past was full of so many defining moments in my life. I opened my phone again and responded:

Skye: Yes.

Twenty minutes later, I heard a soft knock on the door. At least Mark was giving me that amount of space—since I knew he still had a key to the apartment. It was ours, after all.

He looked like shit. Dark circles were etched under his eyes. Worry lines permanently creased his forehead from a constant frown. He looked at me with pleading eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Skye. I really am. I was so fucking stupid and had a lack of judgement in the moment. It should've never happened. That girl," he spat, "meant nothing to me. Nothing. You mean everything to me. I miss you so much it's physically painful. Can we give it another shot? Maybe?" I watched as pain and remorse flashed in his eyes. He studied my face, hoping for some answers.

Was I stupid for wanting to take him back? I looked at the man that I have such a history with... that I've loved. Did I love him now? That I wasn't sure. Chan's crooked smile flashed in the back of my mind, making me falter. Was the history I had with Mark worth losing because of some crush I had on a guy? At this point I wasn't even sure Chan would want something deeper with me. Yes, he had kissed me. Yes, he had flirted with me, but that didn't mean he wanted a relationship with me.

I cursed my need for stability that always led me toward the safe route. I found myself seriously thinking about Mark's offer.

"Can I think about it?" I asked with a half smile.

His eyes lit up. "Y-yes! Of course!" He stepped toward me and opened his arms, hopeful for an embrace. I met his embrace half-heartedly, still unsure of what my decision would be.