Say Please

Fuck

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

I sat straight up, all exhaustion vanished as adrenaline and embarrassment washed over me. My cheeks flamed and I refused to look at him. I used my hair as a shield, telling myself that if I couldn't see him, he couldn't see me. Why? Why did I have to do stupid shit? Where was my filter?

I tried to ignore Chan's hand resting on the small of my back. I didn't want to face the music of my comment just yet. We had just had sex for the first time (well, two times) today and I had blurted out the big "L word" already? He probably thought I was crazy. This would ruin everything. Now things would be so weird at work. I might have to ask to switch editors. What if Voss wouldn't let me? Would I need to quit?

"Stop overthinking," Chan whispered from behind me.

"Never," I responded curtly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I don't know why I said it." He sat up next to me and his hand brushed the wall of hair I was hiding behind away.

"Whether you meant it or not, it's okay. Don't go down the should-I-quit-my-job-and-run-away road." I giggled at the accuracy of his words.

"You know me so well already," I chuckled, attempting to relax. "Sorry anyway though. I understand if you want to sleep away from me or think I'm crazy."

"Now why would I miss the chance to see your gorgeous face first thing in the morning?" He winked. I rolled my eyes dramatically.

"Well I'm just warning you that I will absolutely be embarrassed over this for days—maybe years—to come." I fell backwards into my pillow and covered my pink cheeks with my hands. Chan fell next to me and forced me into a hug—one that I gladly accepted. Wrapped in his arms, fatigue found me once again. I drifted off to sleep fully knowing that what I had blurted out was not a lie.

——-

The next morning, I awoke first. I smiled lazily as I glanced at Chan—still fast asleep. His forearm rested gently above his messy hair and his face was angled toward me slightly. He looked peaceful. There was a different kind of beauty to him in this moment. His bare face was unfiltered, his eyes were puffy, his lips extra plump with sleep. He waves in his hair fell gently across his face and pillow. His bare chest rose and fell in gentle, slow motions.

This really was love. I could look at him all day. I wanted nothing more in this moment than to just... take all of him in. I wanted to analyze every square inch of his body and imprint each description in my mind. I wanted nothing more than to lay here in bed with him all day.

The need for caffeine washed over me, forcing my hand. I slipped out of bed as quietly as possible, allowing him to sleep longer. Most of our day was free to spend how we wanted before the ending charades tonight. If it was a day to stay in, it was a day to stay in. I honestly didn't care at this point. I threw away most of my worries when Chan said he would deal with most of the trip when we first got here. It was wild to think that that was only a couple days ago. With all the events that had transpired so far, it felt like him and I had been with each other for weeks.

As the smooth aroma of coffee filled the air, Chan emerged from the bedroom. He rubbed his sleep-filled eyes.

"Good morning." His plump lips turned upward as he smiled warmly at me. I dared to look at all of him, and had to stop a groan from escaping. He stood in front of me in only his briefs. His muscles were so pronounced regardless of how calm he was in the morning. Veins cascaded gently down his arms like waterfalls, crashing to his hands.

"Er, morning," I replied awkwardly, stopping myself from looking any lower than his belly button as a deep heartbeat began to thrum inside my stomach. "Coffee?" I asked. He nodded and slid onto one of the chairs at the table.