Say Please

Safe

Chan's index finger wrapped around a single curl that fell across my face methodically, as if he were studying every strand of hair. As we lay next to each other, comfortable silence enveloped us. The buzz of Seattle traffic acted as calming background noise as we focused on each other's breathing.

There was something about this moment that made me want to pour my heart and soul out for this man. He was perfect, and I felt myself envisioning a life with him. I imagined waking up in this apartment to the sound of him brewing coffee. I imagined him glancing over at me with a sleepy-eyed smile. I imagined us brushing our teeth together as we got ready for work in the small bathroom. I imagined cozying up after work with glasses of wine as we watched cheesy reality tv.

"What's on your mind?" Chan whispered softly.

"Nothing," I whispered back.

"You tensed up a bit, like your mind was elsewhere. Also you have a little more glow in your cheeks. I know it's impossible not to think about me," he glanced down at me and winked, "so, a penny for your thoughts?"

"I was thinking about us," I mustered. I felt my cheeks deepen in hue as I contemplated just how much I wanted to reveal. "Just how much I like this."

"And this is?" Chan encouraged. I didn't feel threatened by that comment, or like I needed to shy away. Before I could doubt anything, he added, "I say that because I want you to tell me what you want. I know how I feel about this situation, but I'd like to hear your thoughts."

"If you want honesty," I began, "I don't feel like I need to date around. I want to be around you all the time. I feel safe with you. I feel happy with you." None of this was a lie. An omission of the big "L-word?" Absolutely.

His eyes were warm as he surveyed me. The outside of his knuckles fell gently across my cheek bone.

"I don't feel the need to see anyone else, either."

I let out a sigh. "That's nice to hear." I couldn't help the beaming smile that grew across my face. The small validation sent my heart soaring. Knowing he felt the same—at least in the way of exclusivity—made my confidence boost.

——

"Girl," Bri squealed, "I told you he was into you!" I had just told her the exclusivity news. I texted her about grabbing coffee at lunch time, which she happily accepted. We walked a few blocks from the building to a local shop and coffee roaster.

"I knew deep down. But you know I always have my doubts about things after all this shit with Mark," I shrugged. "Sometimes it's hard for me to see myself as worthy." I cringed at my admission. "Wow, sorry, I didn't want this to turn into a therapy session." I added a lighthearted giggle to calm myself.

"There are good men in this world," Bri smiled back at me, "and look at the one you've bagged now. I saw the way he looked at you when y'all walked in this morning—which we aren't done talking about by the way. His eyes were sparkling, and they never left you." I blushed, thinking about how we looked to the outside world.

"I spent the night with him, if you must know," I beamed. "We just kept talking and talking and before I knew it, it was almost midnight. He offered to drive me to my apartment early this morning before work to change and everything."

Last night Chan seemed to want me to stay more than ever. He always had a part of his body touching mine, whether it was his fingers gently grazing over my thigh or his knee touching mine.

"Stay over," he told me as I looked at the late hour. "I'll take you home tomorrow morning so you can get ready." He caressed my cheek with his knuckles. "I actually miss sleeping next to you. It's nice having another warm body in bed."

I snapped out of my trance at Bri's chipper tone. "You cannot tell me he isn't completely enamored with you. That man has it bad."

"Again, he can be difficult to read. And I don't want to assume he loves me. I also don't want to admit it sober to him yet. The rejection I'd face would kill me."

"Or," Bri cut in, "he would return the love and y'all will live happily ever after. Don't always think about the worst that could happen. Think about all the happy endings you could have, babe."

She wasn't wrong. I did focus on what the worst-case scenario would look like, it was just who I was. And with everything I'd gone through—with all the disgusting things I had been called and accused of by Mark—I found it hard to not think that way.

"We're going camping next weekend," I said blankly. "Maybe I could tell him then. The worst thing that might happen is that he doesn't return the love and murders me in the woods." Bri rolled her eyes. I added with a grin, "but I don't think he would do that."

"That's the spirit!" She exclaimed with a happy clap. "I'm telling you... I see the way he looks at you. I'm not gonna say it, since I don't want to jinx anything, but that man is whipped."

"I'm the whipped one," I giggled. My phone pinged with a new message. I opened my phone as I read the sender.

Chan: *Picture*

Has the endless amount of hair shedding already taken over my entire closet? ;)

I giggled as I beheld the two long strands of hair that fell from the collar of his white collared shirt. My eyes wandered away from the hair up to the top corner of the photo. His Adams apple stood out as he popped his neck to one side. I know his intention was to put the focus on the dark hairs, but my eyes locked on one of my favorite spots of his.

Skye: oops :)

"I'm assuming your boy created this giddy smile across your face?" Bri peeked at my phone.

"Uh, he just sent me this photo of my hair on his shirt. It's stupid."

Bri leaned back against the bench and crossed her arms in triumph. "Stupid texts are exactly what a couple in love would send." I opened my mouth to respond, but paused at the buzz of my phone.

Chan: How tf do they get wrapped up in my collar so easily?

Skye: I have an idea of how we can wrap up some more... ;)

"Skye are you really about to sext in front of me?" Bri gawked, dropping her jaw dramatically. I was thankful for the low lighting of the coffee shop when heat roared into my cheeks.

"Quit looking at my phone!" I bellowed, genuinely happy in that moment. She threw her arms up on either side of her body.

"Hey, you know I'm for it. Get your man, girl."