The Write Match // Bill Hader

Twenty-Seven

This has hurt. Every interaction we've had since has hurt. I want to talk to him, to actually smile at him, not the same forced one I've been putting on since. I can't tell how he's feeling though. 

He has left me alone and we've gone our separate ways since the day in my office. Our season finale is next Saturday. I start writing for my last show at SNL next week and no one knows that I'm leaving besides John and Lorne. 

I walk through the main studio as the last rehearsals happen and show runners work hard to get everything set up for tonights show. Before I know what's happening, I see one of the camera operators coming towards me. Instead of moving myself out the way, I feel a warm set of hands on me, hands that I haven't felt in a long time. He pulls me by my waist, pulling me out of the way of the camera, holding my hand as he does, but I pull away, pulling myself together. 

"Are you okay?" He asks from behind me, and he keeps a hand on my arm as we walk, but I pull it away. 

"Yes." I say, wanting nothing more than to go back to my office. I turn around and walk the other direction, heading for the nearest exit, but I can feel his eyes still on me as I open the door to the hallway. 

As I walk, I am hit with a wave of nerves, knowing how many people just saw him grab me and hold my hand the way he did, and whisper to me. I turn around, walking back to the other side of the studio and push his dressing room door open. He gives me a strange look, but lets me in. 

"What the hell was that?" I ask and he looks up from his wardrobe for tonight, giving me a confused look. 

"What do you mean?" He asks and I can tell that he's shocked. I don't know if he's shocked by my words or if he's shocked that I'm actually talking to him right now. 

"Grabbing me like that, holding my hand, whispering, treating me like we're something that we've both moved past." I say and he sighs. 

"I care about you, Meredith. Whether we're on speaking terms or not, whether you hate me or you don't, I care about you. I didn't want you to run into the camera and get yourself hurt. I'm sorry." He says and I shake my head. 

"You can't just grab me like that. People talk around here. I can't be the topic of conversation in the break room, wondering if me and you are together or not!" I yell and he laughs. 

"So what? So what if people think we're together? Why do you care?" He raises his voice too and I have to hold in my laugh. 

"Because we're not, Bill!" I yell back, he's angry. 

"It wouldn't matter if you were mine!" He throws his hands, finally looking at me fully. 

"I'm not yours. I've never been yours. I can't be yours!" I yell back and although I'm mad, I can feel the familiar sting of tears in my eyes, wishing he wasn't so upset and wishing I wasn't either.

"Why not, Meredith? I have spent everyday with you. I know, you were closed off, you didn't want to get to know me, but you did. You got to know me, you know everything there is to know about me and I know everything there is to know about you. I know you, Elliot! Believe it or not. You and I both know you're not the same person. So why not?" He asks and I feel like I'm about to be sick. 

"Because I can't." I say, almost whispering. 

"Why? Because is not a reason, Meredith! Why?" He raises his voice and I feel overwhelmed seeing every feeling he's kept hidden from me. 

"Because I can't!" I yell again, turning around to walk away from him. 

"Don't walk away from me! Don't walk out of this room until you give me a reason as to why you-" I've never seen him like this before. I've never seen him this mad before. I don't know what came over me when I open my mouth again, but I let it all out into the open. My tears, my feelings, everything.