Le Parole Lontane (Distant Words)

Chapter 15 - Seascape

Note: This chapter is unedited.

"The heart of man is very much like the sea, it has its storms, it has its tides and in its depths it has its pearls too."
— Vincent van Gogh, The Letters of Vincent Van Gogh

Rome, Italy, 6th of June 2022

The salty breeze of the sea embraces all my senses like a comforting hug meant to sooth my exhausted body and mind. There's no one in this secluded virgin paradise except for our small group of misfits who finally found a sequence from a not so painful part of the universe.

Martina, a friend of ours, is having her arm around my shoulders while we blissfully watch my sister and her boyfriend taking a walk on the beach. Both barefoot with the sunset's most beautiful colors behind them like an ancient depiction of love and lust.

"I'm happy for them," Martina says. "Lollo is such a good guy."

"A sweetheart," I add with a smile. "And my sister... a party monster."

"I think all wild creatures can be tamed."

The laugh escapes between my lips before I get to voice my thoughts. "You have no idea what you're saying."

I fix my gaze to the sky's bloody adornments spilling their liquid copper into the calm sea. I've never thought that I'll find my escape around people, yet the scenery makes everything feel so insignificant that I manage to successfully ignore everyone. It's just me and my thoughts now and, even if my waters seem calm in appearance, there are a lot of ongoing storms on my sea.

Thomas needed some time today to organize his new place after finally taking the decision to move in with Ethan. I'm happy for them and I would've gladly helped, only my little brother pushed me to go out with my sister after she messaged me about her sea escapade.

"Hey, pretty girl!" my sister laughs, snapping her fingers in front of my face in an attempt to bring me back to reality. "Daydreaming again?"

"I'm fine, Nica," I reply with a smile.

She scoffs, unconvinced by my answer. I like that she doesn't presses me for more, she simply takes my hand and guides me to the water.

"Let's take a pic," she says. "For the memories."

I nod and open my front camera ready to indulge my sister with her favorite mundane activity — selfies.

"Let's take off our glasses!" Nica giggles.

"In your dreams," I reply trying to sound amused.

Ever since Damiano told me that my eyes are like an open book I did everything to keep them covered. The last thing I wanted was for people to read letters of my sadness in the blue of my irises.

Luckily, my sister's phone rings, saving us an argument on such a stupid topic like sunglasses. From her answers I figure out it's a friend of ours who's inviting them at a bar.

"Sure, we're coming," she ends the conversation with a mischievous smile. "Ciao!"

"Don't you even think about it." I tell her before she gets to speak. "I'm heading home, Damiano has to come if he's not at my place already."

"So you'll miss a few hours of fun for your Prince Charming?" Nica taunts me. "He's been out all day, try not to seem so desperate."

I grab my purse and take out my car's keys. If I avoided a fight with her on sunglasses I'm surely going to try not to get in an argument based on me and Damiano's relationship.

"I thought you're mature enough to understand us by now," I snap.

"I'm sorry, Vic. Can we calm down, please?" Lollo is trying his best to reinstall peace between us, but what he doesn't know is that when me and Nica get to fight nothing can stop us until one is giving up. "I don't think she meant it."

"I didn't," Nica says immediately, "I'm sorry."

I nod, but I've already had enough social interaction for today. I need to go back to my place and recharge in the familiar shadows of my messy apartment.

"It's okay, I understand. Now I'd like to excuse me because I'm very tired and easily irritable. Thank you for this afternoon, I really appreciate it, but I need to go back home."

"Alright, I understand." My sister looks down and I know she feels guilty about it, only I don't really have the power to comfort her right now. "Please, take care, Vic. I love you."

I squeeze her into a quick hug. "I love you too." I don't have any other form of affection to show her other than this simple touch and movement of our bodies close to each other. It's all I can offer and I hope it compensates for my irascibility and sudden change of moods.

"Can I come with you?" Martina asks as I'm getting in my old Fiat 500.

"Yes sure!" I unlock the door, letting her enter in my miniature joke of a car. "Make yourself as comfortable as possible in this can."

She laughs politely, then assures me that everything is okay.

We say goodbye to Nica and Lollo and, as I'm driving away from them, I realize how much I'm going to miss the beautiful seascape. Not the memories, not the feelings, none of these, just a simple image that can easily pass out through dozens of other sunsets on the beach that I've experienced in my life.

I drop Martina at her place, then I drive straight to my building ignoring the increasing temptation to stop by at the bar and have a drink. When you're so lost within yourself sometimes the only thing that's left is to jump into the first glass of alcohol like a pool of an unbeknown salvation. But, I refrain.

Tonight I'm going back to my bed, back to my lover and when I reach it I see that all my prayers have been answered. Damiano is peacefully sleeping, stuck in a world far away from here.

I take a blanket and cover his bare back inked with an illustration of a battle between good and evil. The two sides of his soul united only by a small string of love, that's what he told me once.

Damiano used to call me his muse, the springs of his creation, a general name for all his art, but now, as I'm letting my body fall next to his I feel more and more like a satellite. I'm just a celestial body orbiting around him, wondering what images of the night is he witnessing. Is he dreaming of me or another? There's no way I can find out.

My hand searches for his. I smile when instinctively his fingers intertwine with mine. This is my small confirmation that his hand still remembers mine and no memory has been forgotten.

I wish I could wake him up, to talk to him, to ask him to stop leaving me everyday like a Scheherazade of daylight, but I can't. My heart isn't letting me bring him back to the cruel reality he has to face everyday. I sigh and accept everything. As long as he's still coming to sleep away his worries in my bed I know that there's still a part of his heart filled with my love. So I close my eyes and let myself drift away in the land of sleep, hoping that I'll meet him in a realm where there's no pain nor sorrows, only love.

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