Torn Between Two {On Hold}

Chapter 11

I felt different. In a way, better than before; stronger, newer, fresher, brilliant and shining. However terrible; disgusting, emotionless, disregarding of anyone's well being.

I left my family, my friends, and keep simultaneously leaving one mate for the other. I haven't called Luke yet and I want to, but every time I turned around, Victor is around, and I feel guilty. He's smiling and laughing with the guys who I haven't really made up with. I know they accepted me back, but the feeling is still there. A foreigner in their pack. Their home. Their territory. It's hard trying to mend relationships, they're trying to act like nothing happened, but I acknowledge the difference. I know things will never be the same and I'm acting upon that knowledge.

I distance myself a lot, I even know that. It's obvious. For example: they gather in the living room where I am, drinking tea, dressed in ratty sweat pants and hoodie, and curled up deep in the depths of the couch, with the hoodie up and my eyes watching them surprisingly as they sat around me smiling.

It scared the shit out of me.

I darted out of there and lock myself in my room. Not doing anything. Sulking with my thoughts. I have to choose my mate. It's bad enough I'm force to be with one but choosing? I don't know how humans do it, then again that's why they have problems, divorces, and martial therapists.

Victor and Luke are passed thoughts. I'm trying to figure out the tattoo and the books were still in my possession, so I took the liberty if investigating. I actually found something.

Dating back to early Egyptian time, a time where ancient Egyptians thought that time was ancient, it's stated some pretty important, relevant facts for me. Here's the writing for verbatim (Of course translated thanks to the fact I took the language course my mother so desperately wanted me in),

'As of today I feel unfaithful. My loyal lies with my people and their leader, my mate, Quilon, but my heart and body doesn't not only crave for him but also another. A foreign wanderer who has striked my interest. My wanderer was larger than my mate, bigger in stature and in appetite, but my mate was nice and naive. He held him to a high recognition, he was seen as tall and leadership status. I couldn't contain the want for this man. He was no cat, I saw that, he was bigger, stronger, more possessive. His eyes told a great story, ones of knowledge and power and I wanted to heard them.

'His hut was set up on the other side of the hamlet, I went to see him, telling my mate that I was visit a fellow sister. I met him outside. He was adjusting the roof, moving it higher, he stopped when he saw me. I greeted him honorably, but I made sure he properly greeted me, he was a guest in my home. He let me in and was stopped staring knowing the tension was there. I said I was mated and that I wanted him also. He told me that he was a shifter like my people, but he shifter not into a feline, but canine. Wolf, he said. He describe them but I didn't believe. He was no dog. No savage mutt. He was too clean. He showed me, large teeth and deep eyes, thicker fur than my mates and bigger built. He was this...dog or wolf he claimed to be. It didn't bother me though, it brought a sense of relief and more want. I sat on his rich, royal pads and he followed, knowing I get what I want.

'He was magnificent, brought me pleasure better than Quilon. He wanted me to leave with him, to go with him. I couldn't. I couldn't leave my mate or people. I told him, in another life, we would me and my soul would be belong to him and his wolf. I left and washed in the river, he was gone before I got back. I never saw that male again but he did leave a mark, a bite on my neck achieved from our earlier acts. I was sore and Quilon will be asking me to perform my duties as his mate but I was tired so I laid there, knowing like the male before Quilon has the same stamina I wouldn't be able to walk or work after this.

'This was different though, Quilon knew and also bit my neck sending me to my peaks. He kissed me and told me he knew everything. That he still loved me. He left; for there was an attack near our village. He let me sleep. The morning came and I was alerted that my mate had die from battle but we had won. It was a dismal life after the death of Quilon, our sons, devastated. I felt I would alone forever until I saw the mystery male again. My sons were old enough and had already start their families, so leaving the throne to my eldest, I set of a journey with the mystery man. My life grew more and more happy and I knew Quilon would want that for me.