Crossed Paths

CHAPTER 46

IVY's POV

"Tatalikuran mo nanaman nalang ba talaga ako?" tanong ni Josh na ikinatigil ko.

I gulped hard when he went in front of me.

His face is damn serious. But as I look at his expressive eyes, I see longing in him.

Naramdaman ko ang pangingilid ng luha ko kaya naman bago pa 'yon tuluyang bumagsak ay inayos ko ang sarili ko tsaka siya hinarap.

"Come with me to my office." I told Josh. Then I turned to Beatrice and looked at her. I don't have to say anything dahil naiintindihan naman niya kaya tumango nalang siya sa akin.

I lead the way for me and Josh to the elevator. Kaming dalawa lang at wala kaming kasabay nang pumasok kami roon kaya bahagyang napaluwag ang paghinga ko.

I'm nervous, to be honest. Hindi ako mapakali sa kinatatayuan ko.

I suddenly felt his hand reached my hand kaya bahagya akong nagulat. Ipinagsiklop niya ang kamay namin tsaka niya ako maliit na nginitian. A smile that not even reached his eyes but it's okay...

I stared at our hands for a moment before I looked up at him again.

"I wish you could still hold my hand like this after we talk." I said as I forced a sad smile at him. Binawi ko na rin ang mga kamay ko sakaniya.

"Why not? I could hold your hand forever." he said.

Mapait nalang akong ngumiti tsaka umiling.

He's just saying that dahil wala pa siyang alam, hindi niya pa alam...

Parehas na kaming hindi nagsalita. Pagkalabas namin ng elevator ay ako ulit ang nauna sakaniya na maglakad. I walked towards my office and he was just following me. Then I opened the door for him at pinauna ko na siyang pumasok sa loob. Tumingin muna ako sa paligid at wala namang tao kaya pumasok na rin ako. I locked the door so no one could disturb us.

"Take a seat." I said as I pointed the couch here inside my office.

He looked at me but I looked away.

"I'm your boyfriend, not your client. You don't have to be that formal, love... Tawagin mo ako sa kung anong tawag mo sa akin." he said.

I closed my eyes for a moment.

If he only knows... Gustong-gusto ko siyang tawagin sa tawagan namin pero sinasanay ko na ang sarili ko. Kasi alam ko pagkatapos nito, baka tuluyan nang mawala ang kung anong namamagitan sa amin. Oh baka nga ultimo pagtawag ko sa pangalan niya, ayawan na niya pagkatapos niyang malaman lahat ng kailangan niyang malaman.

"A-Anong pinunta mo rito? Sinong kasama mo?" pagtatanong ko.

As I looked back at him, I suddenly got scared by the way he look at me. It's hell serious, he's looking at me as If I said something wrong that he didn't like.

"Ikaw ang ipinunta ko rito, Ivy. Hindi ba obvious?" sambit niya tsaka lumapit sakin kaya napaatras naman ako ng hakbang. "Hindi ko inaasahan na 'yan ang itatanong mo sakin pagdating na pagdating ko." aniya.

Para bang nanghihina ako sa iginagawad niyang tingin sa akin. Scared and nervousness is what I'm feeling right now.

"I-I'm sorry..." I said, almost a whisper, as I lowered down my head.

But later on I heared him sighed heavily as he wrapped his arms around me that made me still on where I'm standing at again.

"I'm sorry, love... Don't be scared, 'wag mo 'kong katakutan. I didn't mean to scare you... I'm sorry, hm?" he said while hugging me.

Napapikit ako tsaka sandaling dinamdam ang yakap niya. I miss this, I miss us, I miss him... Bago pa man ako tuluyang bumigay ay inilayo ko na ang sarili ko sakaniya na siyang labis niyang ipinagtaka.

"Love..." he called me in our endearment. "Ano ba, ayaw mo na ba?" he asked.

I didn't answer his question and I just sat at the couch. I can't directly look at him, hindi ko kaya, hindi ko magawa.

"Ba't ka umalis?" he asked again after a moment.

"Aalis naman talaga ako, diba." mahina kong ani sakaniya.

"I know... Alam ko 'yon. Ang tinatanong ko is bakit napaaga yung alis mo? At hindi ka pa nagpaalam. Don't you know that I'm worried for you? Dahil ba sa nag-away tayo no'n at pinaghinalaan mo kami ng kapatid mo? You know that I can't cheat on you. Mag-aaway tayo pero hindi ko magagawang lokohin ka." sabi niya.

Napalunok ako at hindi makapagsalita. Hindi na muna ako nagsalita at hinayaan na muna siya.

"Mismong birthday mo, pumunta ako sa bahay niyo. Tapos malalaman ko nalang na umalis ka na pala... The letter... Bakit hindi mo nalang sinabi lahat sakin 'yon ng personal? Hindi naman kita pipigilang umalis... Nasabi ko lang na hindi ako papayag na umalis ka nung akala ko buntis ka kasi gusto ko na maalagaan kita." sabi niya ulit.

"S-Something happened..." I uttered after he spoke.

I slowly looked up at him while he's standing in front of me.

"J-Josh, may n-nangyari..." I said as I started sobbing. I finally reached his hand and held it even though I'm shaking. "Kaya umalis nalang ako basta-basta nang hindi nagpapaalam sa'yo kasi alam kong mas magagalit ka dahil sa nangyari, dahil sa naging kapabayaan ko..." sambit ko habang umiiyak.

"A-Ano..." aniya tsaka nagtatakang napatingin sa akin. "A-Anong nangyari?" tanong niya.

I gulped hard before speaking again.

"N-Nung nag-away tayo... T-Totoo pala na buntis ako..." nahihirapang sambit ko.

"W-What?" he uttered. Sandali ko siyang tinignan at hindi siya makapaniwala.

"I got pregnant... I was pregnant..." I said, starting telling him what I'm trying to say. "B-But I lost our baby..." I said as my voice cracked. Hindi ko na rin napigilan na mapaluhod sa harap niya habang hawak-hawak ko ang kamay niya. "J-Josh, I'm sorry... Napabayaan ko siya... N-Napabayaan ko yung anak natin, nawala siya sakin..." I said as I cried harder this time. "N-Nakunan ako, J-Josh..."

I held his hand tighter as I cried hard. Pero mas napaiyak ako nang bawiin ni Josh ang kamay niya sa akin.

I looked at him with blurry eyes.

I can't describe the emotion in his face. Hindi ko maipaliwanag.

Lumayo siya sakin tsaka tumalikod. Napasabunot siya sa buhok niya tsaka marahas na bumuga ng hangin.

"I'm so sorry, Josh... I'm sorry... I'm sorry for being too careless that I've lost our own child..." I said as I stand up.

I went near him and I tried reaching his arm but he shove me away.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" he asked furiously. "For fuck's sake, Ivy! Sa'yo na rin mismo nanggaling, anak natin 'yon! May karapatan ako! I have the right to know what happened to you!" he scoffed at me.

His words hit me... He's right... It was our child, he should've known what happened to me.

It's so stupid of me to do that. I should've told him about it...

Hindi ako nakasagot sakaniya.

"S-Sorry, Josh..." I said.

I just keep on apologizing to him. Paulit-ulit. Wala nang ibang lumalabas na ibang salita sa bibig ko kundi puro sorry. Puro sorry na wala namang magagawa para maibalik ang anak namin.

Josh looked at me. Then he left my office without saying anything.

This is what I'm talking about. Nangyari na yung ikinakatakot ko.

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- Zy