If Only You Knew

Chapter 8. Tragedy

Tina and Ryan go back to Morgan's house to clean up for when she comes home. They were both way to tired to drive home since it was around 4:00 in the morning. Tina was going back to the hospital at 6:00 am to make sure Morgan would be okay. Tina was never the religious type, but she was asking and praying to God to help her make it through all of this.
She finally falls asleep in Ryan's arms. She wakes up at 5:30 to get ready. Her phone starts to ring. As one would normally do she picks up her phone and says,

"Hello?"

"Yes, um, is this Tina."

"Yes, who is this?"

"My name is Stacy, I'm an APRN at the Hellsbury Hospital"

"Okay, why did you call?"

"I'm afraid there's some bad news..."

As soon as she knew that it was the hospital she had a gut feeling it had to do with Morgan.

"What wrong with Morgan?!"

"She has unfortunately passed away around 4:30 this morning. I am terribly sorry. "

Morgan says nothing...she doesn't even hang up. she drops her phone and instantly falls to the ground crying. All of the commotion cause Ryan to wake up. He instantly runs to her and holds her and simply says nothing. Some how he knew what had happened without her saying a word.
After about 30 minutes Tina calms down and is able to talk to Ryan. She says...

"Ryan...Morgan's dead, she died at about 4:30 this morning."

   He says nothing he just holds her. They are both sitting on what used to be Morgan's apartments bathroom floor. Eventually they both get up and Ryan gets in his truck and goes for a ride. Tina is still in Morgans apartment. She knows she has to go to the hospital but she can't bring herself to go.

   She can't help thinking about slicing her wrists and the pain will be over. Everything will be so much better. She then got up from the bed and walks to the kitchen, grabs a knife and sits down on the floor.

   Ryan then comes through the door with Rj. Morgans baby. He went to the hospital without her. She is pissed the fuck off. She sits the knife down and hides it in a cabinet under the sink and stands up and she sees the crying baby. The way Ryan was calming him down, it calmed something inside her. There was a sense of peace coming from seeing him with a baby.

   She says nothing except...

"I love you, Ryan, I really do."

He says...

"I love you."

    After that they say almost nothing the ready if the day. They watch over the baby and make sure everything is okay with him. They decide to move into Morgans apartment together so they can take care of the baby. Tina has never seen Ryan so happy. He has completely fell in love with Rj and she's so glad that he did.

   It gave him something to live for  He needed something or someone other than her. She couldn't be his everything anymore. If something ever happened to her and he had nothing left he would simply fall apart.

   Tina knew she had to start planning Morgans funeral and she did just that the following day. This was one of the most difficult things she has ever done in her entire life. Morgans funeral was on the following Friday.

   Tina and Ryan went to Sherry's Funeral Home for the funeral and brought Rj with them so Morgan could be around him one last time. Tina was so heartbroken. This brought back memories of her Father, she wasn't doing well at all. Ryan noticed all of this and was carefully watching her. He knew if he lost her he would fall apart.

   They go back to their house with Rj. lay him down in the crib Morgan had picked out for him. They waited for him to fall asleep so they could go to their room and go to sleep as well. Ryan fell asleep quickly, Tina on the other hand, she couldn't sleep at all. She stayed up with all of her bad intrusive thoughts,

**Tina's Thoughts**

"Just slit the wrists already"
"Everyone will be so much better when your gone"
"No one will miss you"
"Everyone hates you"
"Ryan uses you for your body"
"He doesn't love you"

    Tina tries to shove these thoughts out of her mind. She hasn't been able to since she got the call about Morgans death. She can barely breath with all of these thoughts. She feels like she is dying inside out. She slowly gets out of bed. Walks to the bathroom, quietly shuts then door. Takes her depression meds out and starts to stare at the bottle. She can't let her thoughts get the best of her. She continuously tells herself.

   She gets one out of the bottle. Then gets another,
she thinks just one more might help. She made the decision to take the whole bottle. She finds herself getting sleepy and goes back to bed with Ryan but can't sleep.

She feels her body shutting down, she's scared. She's never felt so scared. She turns to Ryan, and sees him happily sleeping. She barely lifts her arm and wakes him up. He sees her, she's white as a ghost, beads of sweat rolling off her face he says..

"What's wrong?!"

Tina barely being able to speak softly says

"I took a bunch of pills, I'm scared, call 911"

He hurry's to grab his phone and calls and gets an ambulance to rush over and help her. He knows as the minutes pass there is a less chance of her living through this, he hears the sirens. He picks her up rushes outside and puts her in the back and sees them starting CPR. He runs inside to get Rj and hops back inside of the ambulance.

**They arrived at the hospital. They were unable to get her heart beating again in the ambulance. They rush her into the trama room and shock her 3 times. Ryan is looking through the windows holding Rj crying. They shock her one last time...**