Addiction

Daishou

I hate this feeling. I hate it more than any word in any language can describe. The feeling that your life is crumbling away. The feeling that the life you once knew is no more. The feeling that you can't fix that feeling. The feeling that you've lost everything you've ever cared about.

The trust from the team you play with. The love of the only girl you, yourself, has ever truly loved. The love for the sport you've played since childhood. The motivation to improve so you can one day beat your rival. The childhood friend who was once so loyal to you it hurt.

Ah, the childhood friend. I guess I should probably call him an enemy instead of a friend. We don't get along like we used to. We don't look at each other anymore and try to read each other's mind. We can't even be in the same room without insulting each other behind the other's back.

We look at each other and say whatever mean thing comes to mind first. For example, he'll look at me and throw it in my face that I can't keep a single relationship, whether it be friend or lover, stable. Then, in response I'll insult him by saying he's just like his parents, constantly arguing with the person he once cared so much for that he still hasn't cut ties with. It helps the insult that he knows his teammates are getting fed up with our arguing, with the exception of some of the more competitive than open minded people.

We would probably still be friends if it weren't for me. It all started because I was an ass to him and in response he stood up for himself by being an ass back. I can't blame him. I totally deserved it.

I wonder, what would he think of my coping mechanism? Has Yamaguchi told him yet? Would he actually care that I get high every night off of drugs like Yamaguchi said he would? Or would he brush it off and ignore it? Pretend I don't exist and continue to hold his grudge?

Why am I asking these questions? The only person who would care is Mika, my girlfriend. She would call me an idiot but she'd still care. She'd probably try to help me end this addiction even. The addiction I didn't even mean to start. 

One day, in my second year of highschool, I was just sitting in class when I needed something from my school bag. I go to get the thing and suddenly in my bag there's a bag of marijuana with a note. I had read the note and it was certainly addressed to me saying the marijuana was mine now because I looked like I needed it. It even said where and how to get more if I ever needed it. At first, the thought of needing drugs to make me feel happier was absurd and I planned to throw the bang and marijuana away as soon as I had the chance.

But I never did. I kept it. Knowing it was there, giving me a way to feel better, to escape the stress, made me relax. And before I knew it, after volleyball practice one day the very same year, I used it. I used the marijuana. It felt great. The high it gave me did wonders that any antidepressants could never do.

I'm at that high now. It feels so great. On a walk with the one of the few things that's keeping me stable enough to not throw myself off a bridge. To not find a worse way to escape the hateful and cruel world I was born into. You're probably thinking I've got a bad home life.

I don't. I live with my older sister. Or at least I will till I'm done with school. She doesn't know about my addiction. She might have caught on to it. She keeps giving me little notes to make me happy. Probably hoping if she makes me happier I won't have a reason to use the marijuana any more and stop using it. I don't know why she hasn't confronted me about it yet.

Maybe she doesn't make me uncomfortable?  Or she could be waiting for me to come to her myself so she doesn't feel like she's invading my privacy. Our parents did that a lot. They're not dead and they still care for us. We just don't live with them. They live in a town not far from Tokyo. My sister wanted to actually move into Tokyo when she was old enough to. I didn't want to be separated so I ended up moving with her.

Our parents liked the town they lived in and they thought it'd be best if I moved closer to my schools. I've always gone to Tokyo schools, I just lived further away than most. It did make things easier. And I lived with my sister so it was a double win.

That was during my last year of junior high. And the last year of my friendship with my ex friend.

Speaking of my ex friend, why do the sides of the sidewalk look like his house's garden? I look up from the ground, which I was watching while I walked and look at the house the garden belongs to. There it was. I subconsciously walked here. Was it because I was wondering about his reaction to my addiction earlier? Was I reminiscing about him too much?

Wait, there's an extra car in the driveway. I know he doesn't have a car. His grandparents died a bit ago, and he lives with his father.

It takes me a second before I realize his mother must have come to try and take him from his father even though he's 18. In just two years he'd be considered an adult here in Japan. His parents have been divorced since I met him but he said before they had divorced they constantly argued. They still acted like they loved each other when he was around but he knew they argued and it still came to a big shock when they told him about the divorce.

His mother would come by once in a while to try and take her son but it just led to his parents arguing. I should know, I happened to be in his house a couple times when it happened. I never liked it and I know he doesn't so I can get a pretty good idea of his struggle at the moment.

Before you start talking that my insult from earlier isn't entirely true, it is. His parents still haven't completely cut ties or else his mother wouldn't keep coming back. Their remaining tie was my old friend himself. I can guess just how much he hates that.

I must be taking too long in front of his house because soon he came out of the house looking at me skeptically. He also looked concerned but it was very light and hardly noticeable.

"Daishou?" He just looked at me. "What are you doing here? Not a great time. I'm not in the mood for your insults."

Nodding toward the second car and recognizing the earbuds with one hanging out of his ear, I say, "I can tell."

We stood in silence for a second till he broke it.

"I don't want to be here, and Kenma's streaming, do you want to head out and explain to me why you have marijuana in hand?"

He noticed. Shit. Well, no escape now.
My evening wasn't getting better overall in any way so I guess it couldn't hurt.

I shrugged and he joined my walk. I guess my December 10 evening worries were false. Let's see how this conversation turns out.

(A/N: 1. I know nothing about the affects of drugs like marijuana so the way Daishou is acting is most likely inaccurate. So don't go attacking me.
2. If you're confused about the adult thing let me explain. Haikyuu majorly takes place during the year 2012 and a little bit of 2013 it wasn't till April 1st of 2022 that Japan made the age of a legal adult 18. Before then it was 20. So during the time this takes place, Kuroo has 2 more years before he is a legal adult. Same thing with Daishou. Also, for Japan one must be 20 years old before they can legally drink which is why Kags lied about being 21 in the previous chapter. Just a bit of information. If someone Japanese is reading this and there's something I got wrong feel free to correct me.)