Addiction

Tsukishima

Christmas has passed, it's a new year, and school is back in session. We have practice today. Kiyoko seems to be extra protective of Kageyama and not fond of Hinata. Which is weird. Normally, everyone loves the shortie and Kiyoko never holds a grudge. And if she does, they don't last long.

Speaking of the "Amazing spiker-setter duo" , they are acting distant towards each other. To the point King won't talk to the tangerine and will hang around Tadashi and I more. He's staying distant to us just so the others don't know we can actually tolerate one another.

I wonder if something happened on his birthday. I don't know. He won't talk to anyone but Kiyoko. Even so, I refuse to insult him today just so maybe he doesn't turn to alcohol later. He still might, even if I do stay quiet.

Practice is hell for my lungs. All the running around and heavy breathing is a lot of work for them. I know very well why. However, as long as it makes me feel good, I won't stop. As long as the taste holds me on a leash, I can't. By the time morning practice has ended, I've coughed twice and made a good majority of my teammates ask me if I'm sick.

I am sick, but not in the way they think. It isn’t a disease that I’ll get over in a week or so. It’s a sickness people see the products of, but they can’t see the actual disease. The disease I have is mental. It is only physical when I light my cigarette.

Everyone leaves the gym when it’s time for classes. My first class of the day is History. Probably my favorite class of the day. Nothing ever happens in it and the tests are super easy. Everyone’s also still in the process of waking up so no one is loud and rowdy. Unfortunately for me, since it’s at the beginning of class, the rest of the day sucks. Excep for math. Since no one likes it, they’re too focused on trying to solve the problems rather than talking.

But that’s after lunch. I first have to get through English and Study hall, which is by far the worst class because everyone uses it as a free period henceforth making it the noisiest of the periods. After that we finally get to lunch. It’s also a miserable time slot. The good part about it is that I get to talk with Tadashi. He makes school more bearable.

Most of the time, that is. The only times it’s otherwise is when he reminds me of a test in my least favorite subject. Science. Today happens to be one of those days.

I’m just simply eating a salad and talking with him, my childhood friend. Well, he’s more scolding me about smoking more than anything, referring to my struggle breathing at practice. It was an out of the blue reminder that must have been triggered by what he was talking about.

“I’ve told you over and over again, smoking can make your body lose control of the cell division in your lungs and give you lung cancer. That reminds me, we have a science test today. Anyway, back to what I was saying, you have to sto-....” He continued talking but I stopped listening.

Not because I wasn't going to do as he says anyway, because I wasn't, but because of the anxiety in me that was gradually begining to increase. My mind was racing trying to remember when we were told that we had a test and all the materia that was going to be on it. I hadn’t studied over break. And now I couldn’t even remember what our current unit has been on.

Was it cell division?  Maybe it’s photosynthesis. No. Maybe it’s an exam of everything we covered before break. I couldn’t remember. If I can't remember, I’m going to fail. If I fail then my grades may begin to drop and I’ll get kicked off the team. It’s just a game, but I can't afford to get kicked off. My family would be so disappointed.

I feel myself begin to hyperventilate. A car speeds on a highway, going 90 miles per hour on a road with a speed limit of 75, preparing for the inevitable chase of the cops; my heart beat increases from a resting pace to one that would only come during exercise. My mind becomes a gold medal olympic marathon runner. Everything around me begins to get blurry and all the blurred noise is a siren blaring in my ears. My hands automatically move for my bag.