Wrong Number

Dry Spell and Desert Life

The days that I hadn't heard from Darrell, I just took it as he didn't find me attractive. It wasn't any different than going on to a blind date, and your date wouldn't turn up - when truly they might have seen you and changed their mind when you're not exactly what they expected on the five year old dating site profile photo you've uploaded.

I just went on living my life, healing from my recent break up with a Frenchman named Olivier. Trying to pursue things I think I love - art and literature, and the exploration of Judaic teachings and trying not to forget the limited Hebrew I know.

As a foreign ethnic in Asia, life isn't that good. Perhaps this is what drew me closer to the Jewish-Israeli community - the best source of honey and honesty. The more I spent time with Jewish friends and most of whom have strong personalities thus no day is boring the more I recall 2011.

In the process of recollection, I thought of converting to Judaism. The local Rabbi from Israel, is a really good teacher, in which contemplation is never a bad thing.

For a while I was contemplating, my friend Ethan from Tel Aviv had always been there. The handsome friend of mine, who could have been my ticket to truly being part of the Jewish fold. But thanks to Darrell, Ethan had been friend zoned. Darrell strung me along with his lies, but Ethan redeemed me from the truth. Pretty much when the moment of romantic connection lapses, it's hard to return to it and thus friends forever.

He was talking to me that he is willing to bend Jewish laws already, as life is getting lonely - still no wife, still no kids, and just marry a gentile. Even men have ticking time bombs, he said. 'If they're willing to be honest,'  he added.

I admire Ethan's strong will, and will to keeping the principles. He may not be strictly traditional, but he is in keeping the laws alive in him. I try to encourage him to be a good Jewish man, and him protecting me from whatever bad entities there are: from racism, and antisemitism (as he said my close proximity to the people of Israel, will also make me vulnerable) to cocky men and jerks.

It could be me, but he no longer looks me at me that way. Or we just keep ignoring the hints we drop here and there, that there's still likeness and kindness in a not so platonic way.

Some rabbis believe of soulmates, some don't. One of my favourite rabbis, had a lecture about it. I thought, what if I had met mine and just turned him best friends. But a Rabbi said that love is really just like having a best friend, that you also have a family with.

Time and time again, Ethan and I hung out, and throughout the years we have a database of failed dates, fake loves and fake orgasms. We are jaded.

Things would have gone differently if I never had been fooled by Darrell, for the moment I first met Ethan in 2018, we could have done more than me not accepting his invitation and see him walk away from the cafe and towards the friend zone.

As a budding writer of that time, creativity and words should flow like the Nile or the Thames. I decided for a while to write about my contemplation of giving my past another go - an Englishman who's Christian. Or someone new and fresh- a Jewish Diaspora man or a Jewish Israeli man.

Ethan had flown to Israel to be with his parents, he invited me to visit in the months that he will be there.

Instead, I chose to be recluse to myself and used those months to decide my life path.

After driving Ethan to the airport, there I knew that it will be my time to think things through.

Until that one day, where everything changes.