Wrong Number

Online - Offline

Online:

Cheska: there's really a reason why I messaged you.

Offline:

I was walking through a shopping mall much to my dismay, as everything about my host city is about shopping. There's really nothing much to see other than the same old stores of bookshops, tea shops, clothes and the usual Zara.

Being a lonesome foreigner, wandering around a shopping mall without any idea of what else to do - Drake, had become my constant companion, even when he says truthful but hurtful words such company is much better than fake friends, fake smiles, fake flattery and fake laughs. It is much better get my thought balloons popped, and fantasy bubbles to punched hard until it breaks. It is only his words that I know would make me better. I didn't see it as a bad thing that it hurts me, I saw and took it as a challenge. It is only through pain, where one gains - at least according to my Taekwondo coach.

Meanwhile

In London it was roughly ten in the morning (seven hours behind), I assumed Drake was just about to begin his day.

He replied within half an hour.

Online:

Drake: what is it? Tell me more

Cheska: I walked away from you before, seven years ago (2011) because you're bald and I found that unattractive.

I felt bad, and that there's just something about you that I couldn't forget. It was my first date ever when I went out with someone not my type.

Within that seven years of not having any form of contact from you, I have learnt that I tend to fall in love or end up loving someone who isn't my type at all.

It is perhaps because I am natural to someone who isn't my type, as there's no need to impress.

Offline:

Texting Drake, is becoming such a chore. He stirred the conversation towards in to potential date or potential fuck.

When all I wanted is to see who else are in the ocean of dating. I thought further whether I made a mistake on not putting up with Darrell, because if I did then I wouldn't be in this situation.

I can understand Darrell, he could have felt insecure to telling me that he'd be moving to Qatar for work not only for business trip. He might have feared that I'd stray away. Perhaps Drake is right, I'm not that experienced.

The stringing along of Darrell bites, why wouldn't he say the truth. Perhaps that's just what being a grown up is like, a lot of baggage and sometimes the lies and stringing along is just a way for defence mechanism.

However the sheer amount of weakness I feel every time I spent time with Darrell, was just immense. He gets a lot, without giving much. I hear about this before from a doctor in YouTube - it is called narcissistic abuse or narcissism.

I'm feeling similar with Drake, the only difference is, the more Drake gets deeper with the details he wanted from me - the more I also get to know myself better, and the more exhausted I felt sending him messages the more I feel more confident about myself.

The fact that I walked out on him before, perhaps the first woman who did so. I did turn him down twice, before he scored the third - third time lucky. As I can imagine that being a water polo athlete may have a queue of women wanting a piece of him.