56
Narration
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Fern has long admitted to himself that he likes his bestfriend Arkin.
All the things that he would do for Arkin's benefit are uncanny. From waiting for the smaller boy's class to finish so that they can go home together to asking his Dad for him to just take the school service instead of their car just so he can be with Arkin longer, those are just the little things he did, a way to take whatever their friendship can offer to him.
Confessing is something that is too hard to do in his situation. Fern thought, maybe, if they're not that close, confessing about his feelings would be much easier. However, he couldn't picture it out because one way or another, it would be Arkin that he will like.
It was not love at first sight. It was far from that. Their first meet peaked an interest but not in a romantic way. His feelings was developed by time. It's progressive as he admit that as they spend time longer, his feelings grow deeper.
Deeper for him to suppress.
"Let's just watch Love, Rosie again."
Fern turned to his side to see Arkin busily pressing on the remote. They're sitting side-by-side on his bed inside his room to watch a movie, a thing they always do when they plan to sleepover.
"Okay."
Arkin played the movie and the room was now filled with silence from the two of them except for the sound produced by the TV as the movie's already on roll.
Later on, they're now both leaning on the bed's headrest, pillows on their back. They are covered with only one blanket as they continue the movie.
Arkin's focused on the movie unlike Fern who couldn't help himself but to stare at the man beside him whenever he has the chance. Arkin noticed it but decided to just shrug it off like he always do.
"Today I love you more than ever; tomorrow I will love you even more. I need you more than ever; I want you more than ever," Fern said along with the character's line.
Arkin craned his neck to the man beside him. Heart's beating fast but was covered by his unending pretending.
Arkin was just staring at Fern and the latter noticed it. When he turned to look at Arkin, their eyes met. It's clear that they have so much to say.
Fern thought that maybe this is the right time to tell Arkin about his feelings for him.
Arkin thought that maybe he should be the one who needs to take a step forward...maybe it would work for the both of them.
All those maybes ended up with silence and avoidance when Arkin chose to stand up and excuse himself.
"CR lang," excused Arkin.
Fern sighed when Arkin went inside the comfort room. He rubbed his temple and ran his fingers on his hair, messing it, feeling frustrated. He then got up and turned the TV off before he went back to his bed and covered his self then closed his eyes, trying to sleep.
Minutes after, he felt Arkin came back. Fern didn't open his eyes and stayed on his position, facing the other side, blanket's pulled over his shoulders. The other side of the bed sinked sign that Arkin also laid down.
Fern waited for how many minutes before he assumed that the man's already asleep.
Slowly, he shifted on his position.
Arkin's lying on his side, back's facing Fern. Fern did the same as he stared at Arkin's back. He sighed again.
"Aki, tulog ka na ba?" Fern asked. He only received silence from the other so he assumed that the man's already asleep.
He gulped as his eyes are looking intently at the man's back beside him.
"Mag-iiba ba ang paningin mo sa'kin kung...sasabihin kong mahal kita? Nahihirapan na akong itago 'to, Aki. Mahal na mahal na kita."
Fern felt so coward for saying these things knowing that Arkin's already sleeping. But on the other side, he felt relieve knowing that the latter would not know any of these things that he is muttering. He really wanted to let everything out without risking their friendship. This is the only way that he can do that.
"Naninibago ako dahil sayo lang ako naging ganito. I love you so much that I'm willing to do anything for your sake. I love you but I also wanted to keep you. Kung ano ang maibibigay mo iyon nalang ang pagtitiyagaan ko," Fern pursed his lips and took a deep breath before he let it out and closed his eyes.
"Mahal kita, Arkin," he whispered.
Fern was already closing his eyes and was already prepared to act tomorrow like nothing like this happened.
But his heart rummaged on his chest when he heard a soft and sleepy voice beside him.
"I love you too..."
It was soft yet it was so clear to Fern's hearing. He quickly opened his eyes, nervous and surprised. He was not just hearing things, right?
He watched as Arkin turned and faced him. Their faces are inches away from each other and eyes are looking intently to each other's soul, both burning with different emotions.
"N-Narinig mo? Hindi ka pa tulog?"
Arkin rolled his eyes.
"I was not sleeping. Nakapikit lang ako," Arkin answered.
"P-Pero—aaah gago," Fern covered his face with both of his hands, ashamed from the realization that Arkin heard everything that he said.
Arkin chuckled. "Tanga mo kasi. Magco-confess ka na nga lang nang patago, palpak pa."
Fern glared at Arkin which the latter just replied with a soft laugh.
"Sa susunod ayusin mo. Iyong alam mong nakikinig ako," said Arkin.
"Ulitin ko ngayon," Fern immediately said.
"Next time na! Huwag ngayon. Aminin mo sa'kin next time."
"Bakit hindi nalang ngayon?"
"I might make you my boyfriend already kung aamin ka ulit ngayon."
Fern felt his cheeks burn because of what he heard.
Boyfriend.
He actually didn't think of that. He was so preoccupied about confessing that the possibility of his feelings being reciprocated and the next level would be an exclusive relationship slipped of his mind.
What would it be like to be Arkin's boyfriend? What would he be like as a boyfriend?
So many thoughts again.
"Let's sleep na," Arkin said before he made himself comfortable on the bed, still facing Fern.
"But you like me too, right? You said it," Fern asked. He just wanted to know. He can't wait but to know right now.
"I didn't say it. I don't like you."
Fern's mouth gaped at what he heard. He fell confuse at Arkin's words and actions.
"Isipin mo kung ano ang sinabi ko kanina," said Arkin before he closed his eyes to sleep.
Fern stared at Arkin's resting face as he tried to remember what the man said a while ago.
I love you too.
Right.
Fern bit his lower lip as he tried to stop himself from smiling.
He just realized that Arkin doesn't like him because the smaller boy, his bestfriend, loves him. He loves him too.
