Five Shadows

Chapter Thirty-Eight

"Barbara misses you. Wanna walk?"

"Be there in twenty!"

Marnie made it in eighteen. "Thank you! You saved me from a night of conjugated French verbs. Whhhhhyyyy did I think French was a good idea? I'll tell you why- it's romantic! How can I get proposed to in Paris by an artist/vet/sommelier if I don't speak the language? That's why. How was I supposed to know it is the world's hardest language?"

I pointed to Mario. "Where'd you get him?"

"Oh! I'm dogsitting. Ryan had a thing tonight. So you can see why my extra credit croque madame is so very important."

"Right. We'll get to that. Promise." What did Little Cut have going on tonight? A date. Obviously. It was Saturday night, so that made sense. I felt like a stone fruit, suddenly, with a pit in my gut.

"So... what's up with you?"

I inhaled: cinnamon almonds, sewage, French fries. Ah, the smells of the city. Before I launched into my dilemma, I had to explain my dad had robbed her family. She handled that in true Marnie fashion. "No way! And then we became friends? We're like the Hatfields and McCoys! The Montagues and Capulets! Taylor Swift and Scooter Braun! Oo!" She clapped her hands. "You and Ry falling in love! Classic!"

"Ha! Okay, settle down over there!" Fall in love. As if it's a decision like adopting a dog. Or letting your ex-con father move in with you. "Anyway!" I clapped my hands to get the dreamy expression off her face. "Anyway, I'm sorry." I shrugged at the ridiculous simplicity of the word. But sometimes it's the best one for the occasion. "So sorry."

She waved her hand. "Please. I vaguely remember something about all that, but I was in what- third grade? I was more worried about which One Direction singer was coolest. It's Niall, by the way. I know that now. Anyway. Things turned out fine." We walked a couple steps. "For us. Not so much for your dad I guess."

It was my turn to wave my hand, dismissively. "That's how justice works. It's a good thing." I told her that I visited him today for the first time and that he wanted to move in with me. For maybe the first time ever, I saw Marnie at a loss for words. We went several blocks, me glancing at her every now and then to be sure she didn't have something lodged in her throat preventing her from talking. But she looked quite serene, so we just walked.

When I couldn't stand it anymore, and it occurred to me maybe I wasn't clear I wanted her advice, I said, "What would you do?"

More silent steps. "Well. I don't think what I would do has anything to do with what you should do." I gotta say, I was counting on her for more guidance than this and I said as much with a smile. She smiled back, but her tone was serious. "You're you, Nora. I'm me. We're totally different people. What's a good choice for me, might suck for you. Like wasabi."

"I love wasabi."

"Exactly! If we went out to eat, you should totally get wasabi. I, on the other hand, would be miserable. Tongue on fire, throat burning, water-suckingingly miserable."

"Ugh. So what you're saying is I'm going to have to make this decision on my own."

"Yup!" She said cheerfully. "Make a pro and con list, talk it over with Ry, cook about it. You'll figure it out." This girl. As different as we might be, I felt like she really got me. "Here we are!" she announced. I took inventory of our surroundings. We were at Ryan's building. "I'm gonna miss you, buddy! I'm gonna miss you!" she ruffled Mario's face.

"You're returning Mario now? Is that a good idea?"

Marnie raised a shoulder. "He said seven o'clock. It's seven o'clock."

"I'll wait here."

"What? No, he'll want to see Barbara!" I caved and followed her in, standing awkwardly behind her when she banged on the door. "Can you believe he won't give me a key?" I could one hundred percent believe it, but I shook my head at her like it was a crying shame she didn't have a key.

"Ry! We're here! Let me in!" I heard a scuffle and Ryan flung the door open. He looked frazzled, which I'd never once seen on him. Even when he helped me take Barbara to the vet, he was a picture of calm. Now his hair was trussed, his eyes tired, and- "Oh boy," Marnie said. "Are those sweatpants? What's wrong?" She powered past him like she owned the place. She stopped in the middle of the faux bear rug that looked so cozy, newborn babies should be swaddled in it for their trip home from the hospital. Marnie spun on it and took an exaggerated inhale.

"Ryan Arbor Cutter. I know this smell." Ryan was busy petting Mario and Barbara, but I saw something that looked a lot like guilt on his face. He didn't answer his sister. "It smells like greed and devil red lipstick. Mindy was here, wasn't she?" I didn't blame Ryan for ignoring Marnie. She was downright scary at the moment. "Wasn't she?!" she yelled. "Ryan!"

He finally looked up, defeated. "Look, she just wanted to get together for a drink. She's going through some stuff." I scooted toward the door, but Barbara did not follow suit.

"Oh, let me guess. Some financial trouble? Wait, why did you want me to take Mario?" Ryan inspected an invisible speck on the wall and brushed it off. "Ohmygosh. Of course! She doesn't like dogs, does she?!" She stomped her foot. "I can't believe you!"

"Barbara!" I yell whispered, patting my leg, "Come on! Time to go!" Barbara ignored me, but Marnie responded well to leg patting.

"Mindy is his ex-girlfriend," she informed me. "She is horrible and hateful and greedy and she ruined his heart. We worked so hard to put you back together after you guys broke up, Ryan! How could you just let her waltz back in here?!" She was oscillating between Ryan and I. He looked as sheepish as she did furious. My brain was twisting into a headache. My heart into a heartache.

"Okay, we're going to take off." I tried, this time picking Barbara right up.

"I'm going with you. I can't help you if you won't help yourself, Ryan Cutter." Marnie took Barbara from my arms and marched out the door. I gave Ryan a little wave. His lips parted in a half-breath that made me think he was going to say something, but he found the speck on the wall again. I slipped out the door making myself as tiny as possible.

Marnie ranted the entire way to my building, not always making sense to me. Mostly I was concentrating on keeping my heart in one piece. Listening to her in addition to that chore was just asking too much. Still, it was easy to glean that she hated Little Cut's ex-girlfriend, that she'd ruined him, and that if she was hanging around she had a villainous motive. As we walked (stormed, if you were Marnie) up to my building, she was fuming, "She doesn't have a single redeeming quality. It's not like she has an adorable puppy-wuppy (she kissed Barbara) or can cook worth a darn!" I busied myself punching the code into my door, but caught her sly wink anyway.

"Thanks for walking with me!" I said. "And for talking through things." I held the foot with my door and leaned over to hug Marnie. I don't think I'd hugged anyone since Gwen moved away, but she really seemed like she needed a hug. She squeezed tight.

"Thanks for listening to me spout off. Talk to you soon?"

"Definitely. Thanks again."

Back in my apartment I lay in bed wide-eyed. Well. Calling Marnie definitely served its purpose. My mind was a million miles from my dad. I could worry about him later. Little Cut's ex sniffing around occupied my thoughts. The focus I needed to sleep. His love life shouldn't bother me. I put my face in Barbara's fur. I simply wouldn't let it bother me! I won't let it bother me. I won't let it bother me. I fell asleep to the rhythm of Barbara's snores and my own lies.