Five Shadows

Chapter Six

I stood in my kitchen a very long time before I noticed the shadow in there with me. I was contemplating food, when a woman's deep voice said, "Hello, Nora." I jumped and pushed at my heart. Spinning, I finally spotted her. She didn't look as at home here as Shadow #1 had. Rather than make herself comfortable on a couch or bounce around like she owned the place, this shadow stood, arms folded across her chest, in the middle of my living room. Her "Hello, Nora" sounded a lot like Hannibal Lector's infamous "Hello, Clarice." She wasn't smiling or making any effort to comfort me.

"Hello. You must be Shadow #2."

"They call me The Murderess."

This was not getting less scary. "Why's that?"

"Are you going to invite me to sit? Offer me something to drink? Your hospitality skills could use some work."

Oh, she was a jerk. "The last shadow didn't wait for invitations. You guys are the ones just showing up without knocking."

"We aren't all the same, Nora. Don't generalize."

"Fine. Would you like to sit? Can I get you something to drink?"

"I'm fine." She stared at me. If smoke-shaped beings had eyes, hers would be glaring, I could tell. Her posture was combative. Legs apart like I'd try to knock her off balance at any moment.

"So why are you here?" I finally asked. If Shadow #1 was my introductory shadow, I supposed it was time to get down to business.

"You tell me."

"I don't know!"

"Wow. A liar and a bitch."

"Excuse me?" Another thing I should have asked Shadow #1- is there a way to expel shadows? Because this one? Needed to go. "Look, you don't have to be here. I didn't invite you in case you didn't know that-"

"Nora, just shut up for a second." Finally, The Murderess sat. She looked a little deflated, which made me shut up more than her command. "I'm here because you're a bitch and I think you know that." She put her hand up to pre-emptively shut me up again. "Do you like being talked to like this? Because it's how you talk to other people. And that's why I'm here."

"To tell me I'm awful."

"To point out how coldly you communicate with the people around you. You might be awful in other ways, but at least you're aware of them. But being bitchy to people you actually like wasn't on your radar. So. Here I am."

"Super. Thanks." She either didn't pick up on my sarcasm, or she actually thought she was doing me a big favor. I wasn't sure how to get rid of shadows, but I knew how to get rid of people. I walked my door and opened it to the hallway. "Well. Good talking to you." She moved toward me and I thought she was actually going to float/walk out of my apartment, but instead she put an impossibly firm hand on the door and slammed it shut.

"Don't be passive aggressive with me. I'm the queen of passive aggressive." A smoke crown morphed onto her head. It was unnerving. I thought these things weren't magic. "I get it. You don't like me. Nobody likes me. My name is The Murderess for God's sake."

"Did you ever murder anyone?"

"I'll ask the questions, thanks." She sat back down on the couch. "But no. Not physically anyway."

What the heck was that supposed to mean? I didn't reply for a bit. She was inspecting her nails that weren't really nails. I wondered what was happening in my real time. Because this, crazy as it sounds, was a little boring. I didn't know what to say to her. She wasn't initiating any conversation. If I was going to get called into Little Cut's office again it should at least be worth my while. I sat next to her and inspected my own, actual nails.

"So, what? Are you supposed to be me at my worst or what?"

She looked like I suggested she put her hair in pigtails and wear a pink frock with saddle shoes to a sock hop. "Ew. I'm not you. We just happen to have some of the same tendencies."

"Like what?"

"Like we're a little prickly." That was an understatement.

"I'm only prickly because my life isn't exactly going how I wanted these days."

"Your life hasn't been where you want it to be for ten years." Ouch. That was too close to home. "What happened to culinary school?" I looked at her, but she was still inspecting her nails.

"If you're asking, you already know."

"You should say it, though. It's good for you."

I was done with this shadow. I hoped she blew away with a sudden gust of wind, never to return. "Or don't."

"What?"

"Or don't say it. What do I care? But you need to change. Because right now? You suck." And The Murderess was gone. 

"Are you kidding me?" I asked my empty apartment. That was the note she was leaving on? "You suck?" I cursed her under my breath. "It takes a sucky person to know one," I spewed. Also? She didn't tell me a single thing I didn't already know. Yeah, I suck. But there are people that suck so much worse. There are racists and murderers, rapists and arsons. There are people who embezzle. Cooks who serve spoiled meat. At least my sucking doesn't affect anybody but me. "I'm the only one who suffers from my suckage!" I yelled at The Murderess, wherever she was. And a different shadow, one I can't see, the one that stops me from littering or not returning my cart at the store, informed me, That's not at all true.

The old Nora would have baked her sadness intomacaroons. Current Nora ached to remember her. Instead, I did what I always didwhen things got too real. When life was on the brink of overwhelming darkness.I lay in bed hating myself until the shadow that was sleep rescued me.