Five Shadows

Chapter Fifty- The End

"Nora? Hi." He took in my sudsy hands. "What are you doing here?"

I explained Marnie and I were cooking up her extra credit when she remembered she had a study group.

"She told me to come over tonight to FaceTime our grandparents. They're in Arizona for the winter."

I grinned. "Oops. She has a lot going on with finals and everything. Sounds like she triple-booked herself tonight."

Ryan lifted an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. Something like that." I tilted my head, unsure what that meant, but he didn't elaborate. Instead he rolled up his sleeves. "I'll help with the dishes if I can eat whatever smells so amazing."

It felt weird to be with Ryan, especially in an apartment that wasn't mine. Or his, for that matter, but I was hungry and not in a particular hurry to go home. "Deal."

We powered through the dishes in no time and sat down at Marnie's table. The croque madams were every bit as good as in France, if I do say so myself. Ryan's eyes widened. "This is some sandwich," he said, his mouth full. I grinned. I missed cooking for people. "Ohmygosh," he went on, "What is this thing?!"

"If you think this is good, sometime I'll make you Cherry Clafoutis." As soon as the words were out of my mouth I looked away. That was awfully presumptuous to say to a guy. To my boss. Who has a girlfriend. I stuffed my mouth full to avoid saying anything else stupid, but Ryan was nodding emphatically.

"Okay, I eat out every single meal, so anything home cooked is a luxury."

"I get it. I just started cooking again- I've only eaten eggs and cereal for the last ten years."

"Is that why you're so much happier these days?"

He must have mistaken my surprise for offense, because he waved both hands in front of him. "I mean, lately! You just seem happy lately."

I smiled, thinking of the shadows and how they'd rocked my little world. They shoved me out of my comfort zone, then led me gently toward happiness. "I really am happy. For the most part anyway. Life's not perfect, but I think I'm learning to drag my happiness through the weeds." I could feel my face getting red. Pouring my heart out to my boss was highly inappropriate. "If that makes sense," I mumbled.

Ryan put his food down and set his elbows on the table, hands folded. Staring at me. I put my sandwich down. He looked like he was about to say something important.

"Nora. I have two unrelated things to say, but they seem related." He uncrossed his hands, rubbed the lamppost on his forearm. Then touched my hand. "I want to ask you out and I want to fire you." I blinked at him. Reasons darted through my brain, hot on the heels of the follow up questions I was sorting through. Before I could grab a thought to throw out, he continued. He kept his thumb on his tattoo as though it was powering his voice.

"I want to ask you out because I think you're awesome. So fun and smart and talented!" He pointed at his plate of crumbs. "So, that's that. I am going to ask you out, but don't answer yet, because-"

"Because you also want to fire me." My words came out bruised, wounded. Teary.

"No! Well, yes. But I won't. Unless you want me to. I just think... have you thought about cooking again full-time? You're so talented and it makes you happy and it's what you were trained to do! If I fire you you'll get a severance package and you could cook and-" he shrugged. "I just wanted to throw it out there. Cutter Co. would hate to see you go, but come on! A talent like this? It's not normal! It's-"

"Ryan." I had to put this poor guy out of his misery. I knew nervous babbling when I heard it. He stopped, kept his finger on the lamppost. "I do want to cook full-time. I am dying to get back into a kitchen and cook for crowds and be under stress and pressure. You know me well." We smiled across our plates. "I've been applying some places. But I promise to give you lots of time to replace me. You don't have to fire me. I don't want you to fire me." He was nodding. Even if it was for good reasons, I didn't want to be let go from Cutter Co. I was never passionate about my job there, but I did have strong affection for the company. It was consistent and steady when I needed consistent and steady in my stapled together life. I would always appreciate that.

"And I can't date you." He inhaled, nodding 'yes' like he totally understood. He didn't. "Until I leave Cutter Co." He stopped nodding and stared at me. "People would talk." In the time it took me to say those three words, he was out of his chair and pulling me out of mine into a hug. Pulling away was a huge mistake because I had access to his flawless, kind face. I didn't stand a chance.

The kiss was sweet like him, and a little rough around the edges like me. It was the coziness of his apartment and the craziness of my life. Chill like Mario and spastic like Barbara. It was perfection. When we broke away slightly, I felt his lips brush mine as he spoke. "What about waiting until you leave Cutter Co.?"

"Right. Starting now. Or-" but he was kissing me again and maybe I didn't care that much about waiting until I found a new job after all. Because I loved Ryan Cutter. Without a shadow of a doubt.