A real story... My story.

Grade 12

So grade 12 what can be better then the last year of high school.... Well the first year of University would be way better. That's right I am going to University. the university of Ottawa to be exact, and I got accepted into the bachelor of fine arts program which is awesome I think. I remember the night that I found out I got accepted. I was at my boyfriends house and it was a Saturday, I was just looking on my phone when an email popped up from the university, so I opened it thinking it was just another email about open houses and such, but now. I read congratulations and then I just read that I got accepted. I remember that all I said what I got in not to anyone but to myself. I was so astonished that I actually got in. I didn't know if I would but apparently my art is good enough.

Justin grabbed my phone after I said that and took a photo, well at first he didn't know what I was talking about he asked what and I just kept saying I got into the university. He is going to college so yeah.

I'm juts glad I got in. So right now I'm on a losing weight streak, I am not going to tell you how much I weigh because that's just embarrassing and I would rather not, but Iv'e been losing weight pretty fast, which is good. I guess I mean I weigh myself every morning after I work out for about half an hour to 45 mins. On the days I don't work out I don't eat any carbs at all so that helps out too.

things have been going ok with Justin, other then my parents complain about stupid things all the time about him such as that he is too shy. I don't get that and yesterday he left me a note in the mailbox that said Sarah Major on it so that's my first name with his last name, and my mom is like, " I don't like him calling you that It's not like you guys are married." I said shut up and she didn't say anything after that which is good. But she complains all the time I don't understand. Another thing that is going wrong is that Justin is way over protective sometimes not in a good way. Like yeah I love when we are like turning in his car and he grabs my leg tight so that I don't move. I don't know if he does that on purpose or not but I really hope he does, and another protective that's good is when we are places and there is him walking on one side and another guy is walking on the other that I don't know he will put himself in between me and the guy. That's juts cute and I love it.

But one bad kind of protective is that he blocked all the guys on my face book account and deleted a bunch of people on my vine account and I think even my twitter but I'm not sure about that. I really kinda got freaked out by that. I tried to play it cool when he told me but then I wanted to ask josh or people if there were any jobs in Carleton place that anyone knew about and I couldn't because they were all blocked. I don't know, but the stupid thing was is that I told my mom I shouldn't have told her I should just keep my business to myself. It just made my situation worse.

I talked to him about it and he said that he wouldn't do it again, but another thing that is really bothering me is that. I have always wanted to try drugs even just a little and I'm seventeen and I still haven't I talked to him about it and yeah he wants to be a cop but I men he just took the fun out of it. He says I don't need them, well maybe I don't but I mean maybe I still want to try them. I said that I would promise that I won't use them but I still want to really badly. I think about it everyday now, and just I can't stop I need to try them just once, i mean yeah he says he's my heroine but I mean I just want to feel how it is, I mean it's not like I am gonna go out and look for it. If the opportunity presumes it's self I might take it. I know he will hate me after but it's not like I am gonna go buy some no if someone else offers me some like a hit of something sure I'll try it.

I don't know if he reads this he will probably just freak out or something, maybe I shouldn't post this. But it's my life it is, I know I should do what I want but I don't want to hurt him either and he cries when I tell him that I really want to do them so imagine how he would react if I do them. He might get mad at me and yell at me, or even hit me for all I know.

I don't know what to do anymore, he said he wanted to give me freedom, well I can't really have freedom when he keeps me away from things.

I don't know what is gonna happen at warped tour or the Gerard Way concert, he said that if anyone hits me he will hit them, well I get hit at concerts, everyone does. What is gonna happen?

I just have this bad attitude now and I don't know what to do about it. I just feel like I should do what I want to do. Maybe I should just do what I want. but I have a war going on in my head. I just know that I won't get addicted and I know that I won't lose Justin and he knows that he won't lose me. so I don't know what the big deal is about. It's not like I'm gonna do really hard drugs. He says I can die from doing drugs the first time, well frig what percentage of people die that's what I would like to know.

So I have been writing journals for a while now, I have already filled one and I'm half way done my other one. Truthfully I am just glad there is only 26 days left of actual school not counting the weekends or holidays or prom and graduation of course. But actual school days. Only 26 I am so happy I remember the day it was in the 90's and i just imagined what it would be like once it go to the 20's it went so fast thank god. I am so happy it is almost over and I will never have to see these people ever again. hahahahahaha I am so happy about that I will never have to be someone I am not ever again I can go to uni and juts be me I can be as shy or as loud as I want. I can actually get friends that know me not some fake me that has been created by all the fake people around me. I can actually be me. Sometimes I am not even me in front of Justin because I am afraid that he wont like me. I've been myself a couple times in front of him and he has just stared at me like I was a freak and was like WTF is wrong with you? Then I stopped being myself again and he went back to normal. I guess some people just can't handle who I am. i try to be better I really do but I guess now I see that what's the point of being with someone if they can't accept who you are. ]

He has opened up a little but my family keeps having problems with him. I understand what they are saying and I don't want it to turn out like my bro and Jazz because I do love Justin I really do and I don't want to let him go. I used to see our future as free and all that then he started controlling be outside of the bedroom. I am an independent person and I do not like being controlled. I don't like being the person that follows but I need a man that will take charge that will fight for what he wants and not just be like OK whatever and then get mad about it later.

I mean he went to moores for his tux and they didn't want to sell j=him a tux and they didn't have one his size well fudge maybe ask them to take your measurements and make them call other moores around and see if they do have his size in a tux there. and if the man wants to buy one let him buy one.