A real story... My story.

Summer gonna start university

So that's right I am gonna start university for visual arts in Ottawa U. So I guess I am proud of that but truthfully I am really scared. I mean it's a huge school and I mean huge. I'm also going there with no friends so I have to meet new people which is scary as balls. I went to this orientation day and met people but they were already in university and they were 21 so I don't really want to hang out with them because I will probably never ever see them on campus and I will probably never have anything in common since they are going into a different program that doesn't interest me at all. 

I am just scared of frosh week because yeah my mom said that she had fun and my bro had fun but they are more open to people then I am I can't make friends for shit. sure I may be able to talk to people but I can't actually become friends with them. I am so screwed. I also have major trust issues as you can tell by tell by the earlier chapters haha. So I guess I am just stressed and worried and scared. Justin went to college already but he knows five people from his school that are going into the same program as he is and they are all his friends so he doesn't have the stress that I do. Yes he had some stress I understand that but really I am just freaking out. And my mother wont come over to my nannies which is where I live to get me school supplies like I am fucked. Along with having to take the bus to school every day and then finding time during school for work and for Justin. Ill have to do my resume today and then hand it in to shoppers down the road and dollarama as well I don't want to be a cashier I want to stock shelves because really I cant really talk to people and I mess up numbers all the time. I just can't do that I know that for sure.

So things with Justin and me are going pretty well. He makes me really happy but for some reason my whole fucking family and i mean my bro dad and mom hate him. I don't know why... Actually scratch that I do know why, it's because hes a little awkward around them and sometimes he doesn't smile like I don't get it my parents want me to be with someone so happy and cheerful but that's not who I am. I want Justin and he makes me happy so that has to count for something right. I mean it has to. 

I miss him a lot these days I really do. I feel always alone when I am not with him I feel solid like i am actually someone when I am with him but when he leaves I feel like he takes my body with him and I am just a spirit floating among everyone pretending like she's living. 

So I moved out of my house right to my nannies and well the first couple of days my brother wasn't there and it was great it was just fan fucking tastic. Let me tell you I could sit on Justin's lap in my room with the door closed I could cuddle with him and everything. No the next day my bother gets there and Im just leaning over Justin my feet are on the floor I am not even touching him and we are talking about school and my brother comes in and is a total ass hole about it saying, "no you both down stairs now!" and he kept saying that and I asked wtf his problem was and he ignored me. so I went downstairs put my shoes on and left the damn house without telling anyone. I just left I texted Justin after saying that I was by his car and he talked to my brother upstairs for a little while before coming down to me and we left and went to the park. we left for many hours and then when I got back in the house after staying at the park and then going to shoppers we got back I took off my shoes and my nannies like you have to call your mother. My brother before I left promised Justin that this wouldn't reach my parents so fuck him. He is such a preppy little fucking liar. So I called my mom and I was already in a pissy mood and she said that I should talk to my brother because he didn't handle it well and then she said it was my fault that our "relationship" went sour. Everything is fucking my fault in my family apparently I just can't wait to move out completely because you know what I am gonna do. I'm gonna move at least 5 hours away from anyone of my family and then cut contact with them. Why keep people that make me unhappy huh?  What's the point if they always treat me like complete shit. I just want to be completely happy in my life just for one moment I want to not worry about anything I don't want to be sad or mad or agitated about anything. for one moment I just want to be happy I just want to be me. And now that my birthday is in 4 days I can do what I want because I will be responsible for my own actions and I will be 18 and say what I want. No one can control me because I will then be an adult and not a child. I can't wait. Some of you may say that I am delusional but I am not if you lived my life you would understand the circumstances that I am in right now and you would be happy to turn 18 too.

Anyways that's all I have to say right now I might add later but we will see I start frosh week on my birthday so I might make another chapter for university next. I am not sure. Later Skaters.