A real story... My story.

Grade 12

Nothing has really changed much, I mean I am still angry as frick at a lot of people,a nd lately people have seriosuly started pissing me off. like why do I even try to be nice to people and do people favours and yet they don't do it back to me? Is it really that hard to get up and walk about 5 metres to my locker. Really? Apparenlty for all those people that I follow all the way down to the other side of the fucking school! And what if I want to go to the cafe it is still less than the distance to their locker, and no matter what I am holding or eating I will go with them. No someone has a fucking sandwich and they say...

"I am eating." Well thats fucking nice maybe you can actually be a good friend once and realize why I am pissed at you and not just try to give me a fudging cupcake to make it better. I dont need shit like that, i dont need gifts, I really don't, what I need are good friends who will actually talk to me. 

I guess on here is the only place I can really rant. I cant rant to my mom anymore she says that I am gonna start treating my future family like shit. Well no I wont you know why. because I know how it feels to be called a usless piece of shit. I know how that feels and I do know how to treat poeple that I love. Its the people that I dont like that I treat like shit, but only becasue they treat me like shit. 

The one great thing about this year is that I have my boyfriend Justin Major, he is the only one I can actually rant to, I ranted to him for I think an hour in his car, and after he didnt say anything, he just smiled at me. I hope I didn't scare him, that's what my mom thought I did. But he actually understands me so well, he gets what I am trying to say to me, and if people would let me rant I would be a much happier person I realIy would be. I couldn't stop smiling when I finished my rant and he smiled at me. I really was so happy, i still am so happy to have him. He is perfect, he really is. 

I am also starting to lose weight this year since I have prom yay... ugh I mean yehahI want to go but I dont know its all dressy and everything it's just not exactly me. My mom is making me grow out my hair and its past my shoulders now, I hate it. It's in the way of everything I do, I flipping eat it now. WHen I had short hair it was always away form my face, it was so nice. So after prom I'm cutting it all off pretty much and colouring it blue. Eveyrone I say that to they always say, "aww but your hair is so pretty, I like you with long hair." and I say no just no It's hot, it's curly, and its just eveyrwhere. No. 

School is deffinitly stressful. I have so many things that I need to do right now. I even have an essay in art, what kind of art class am I in?

ok so this is my schedual

Philsophy: Independant study project,  and assignment, and then another assignment

art: essay, and two bug art projects along with 15 sketch book pages

religion: two projects and a test

thats how busy I am, then every night I have to work out for at least and hour and a half, i am so busy I cant wiat to get out of school. 

You know those people that always say, "excpet me right?" when you say I hate evreryone. I Just wanna say yes especially you, but no you cant you have to say no I dont hate you or you or you. when you really wanna say YES I HATE YOU ALL. 

ok so first semester is almost over, I am kinda happy that it';s almost over. You know why because that means the year is almost over and that means I have 167 days left until the last exam that I will ever have in high school but I believe that I have prom after that so I have maybe like 168 days left that I hvae to see all these damn people ever again MWAHAHAHAHAHAAH. My life is gonna sky rocket with happiness after I am done Highschool. We have all these things for the graduating students like sometimes we have to go to a church one day and i am so not going I went last year fro people last year but when its gonna be my turn hahah no its useless. Im not even religious really.

anyways so you know that guy that I told you about Justin Major... Well I want to say that...

Its going GREAT!!!!! I swear, but I still have trouble trusting people and thats the problem with me. Like right now I am at home because I dont have the mental capability to go to school and be surrounded by stupid people all day. The last entry I think I am going to write in this book is going to be grade 12 summer. so that I can actually say what I want becasue some people might read this and they might have problems about it at school which wouldnt be very nice but after school I dont think im gonna be talking to many people tee hee.

so back to Justin It has been 6 months pretty much that we have been together and his birthday is coming up and I already have his gift I just hope he likes it. Anyways these past months have been so fun because he has shown me awesome things and let me actually express myself when I talk and i can just talk with him. I really can I dont have to not swear or anything I can just talk and thats awesome. I think that is really important in a relationship that peopl can just say what they want to and the other person wont get mad. AAANNNNNyyyyways um he actually isnt talking to me right now becasue either is phone is dead or he left it at home or something like that I dont know he might be busy aswell. butttttttt. hahah I just said Butt. :P

12:12 everyone make a wish

now you see every time that there is something like that like 11:11 or 1:01 I always sing happy birthday ( in my head of course) and then i make as  many wishes as I want. I dont know im weird I also bow my head and hold my breath when I drive by a cemetary...

so now i have to do philosophy for my last philosophy project of my life thank you very much. I have to create a story about threee or more philosophers talking about the meaning of lfe and then show my own what I think is the menaing of life. I dont know what I think the meanign of life is I just kinda go along with it. Whatever.

My dad has seriously got on my nerves latley everything that goes wrong pretty much he either takes it out on me or blames me for everything. my bro is home for now and he hasnt gotten yelled at once is that really how they see us. him as teh stra child and then there is me the troubled child that wants to go to art school like seriously. you now what I find funny is that I hate high school so much and yet I want to be and art high school teacher. i mean unless my art actually sells somewhere or I get a good paying job in photography which I will also hopfully be taking in university. sigh oh future why cant you juts tell me now if things will be working out? wouldnt that be nice if I was like a timelord like the doctor. (yes I am a whovian) But yet the doctor has so much money that I wouldnt even need to get a job but maybe the doctor could just show me my future although I dont think he rolls like that.

I think my favorite doctor is David tennant because he is the only one to wear converse hahah I love it. and i really hated that billie piper left and then she came back when donna became the whatever they are called. I just dont get it. anyways enough with doctor who.

So well it's March 13th 2015 and its teh start of march break and I am so happy that I don't have to come to this hell whole for a whole 9 days like fuck yes hahahaha. anyways everything is going good i think I mena I  am a little depressed and I mad]ke Justin Sad but i just am so sorry for that. I just want him to feel good all the time. I can't wait to get out of here and move out with Jutsin and just be happy because I cant really be happy if I am at home an din this hell whole of a school. I know Justin hates being at high school as well and I know he hates me being at high school so thats a good thing that there is only 101 days till teh end of high school until the end of prom.

You know what I find annoying is that I try and talk and tell someone something and they just cut me off constantly like they dont want to hear my story but I am listening to them. I just dont undertsand, like cant I tell them whats happening in my life with out them ignoring me and talking about anything else. like we are having a conversation and they just go and start talking to someone else like I am not important in their lives. Just 63 more days of actual school and then im out thank god.  Wow.... Just wow, I told someone something just now an dthey just looked at me and just started talking about something else with someone else, cant I just have an intelligent conversation and keep a conversation. 

Everything is good with Justin its gonna be our 8th month and I cant wait I always give him something special that I write or create and I just hope he likes it this time. Im gonna try and do something really special for our one year and Ive already started it. I cant tell you what it is because he is gonna read this so I cant say.