come out and play

seven ༊*·˚

L

Billie and I laid in her childhood bed. She was leaning against the head board, the Louis Vuitton blanket behind her. I was laying almost horizontally, my head resting in her lap. Billie ran her fingers through my short hair as we both looked at our phones. 

"What about Eden, or Edith?"

"Eden's okay... Edith's a bit too old fashioned sounding for me. I don't wanna sound like a grandma." I said with a light laugh. "Understandable. Are you sure you want me to keep looking with you? I feel like I'm invading on this personal moment." Billie questioned, sounding conflicted.

I nodded, "I want you to help me. You have good ideas and I'm too scared to do it by myself. Please?" 

"Okay, if you're sure," she nodded. "Do you like the plant names? Like Sage or Rose, or Lavender, or something like that." I asked. "It's not about why I like though, love. It's what feels right to you, not what I think." She said making me frown. "Billieeee..." I groaned. "Can you just tell me please? I want to know what you think."

"L, no. My opinion doesn't matter," She said dismissing me and looking back to the names on her phone. I sighed and sat up, staring at her with a dead pan but she didn't look at me. I leaned in quickly and placed a small kiss just beside her lips. "Please?" I asked, repeating the action. 

Billie smiled and pulled away, rolling her eyes. "Fine, fine. I do like some of them, but some are a bit too, I don't know, just there's something weird about them." she said. "Agreed." I nodded now sitting myself beside her and leaning my head down onto her shoulder.

I looked on her phone as well, watching Billie scroll through the lists of names. "Oh, Raven's sick as," Billie said stopping her thumb and pointing to it. "Yeah, it is. Idk if it'd suit me to a T though." I said, "But I'll keep it in mind."

"Cove sounds nice. But I don't really like the stereotype around trans people and nature names." I said wrapping my hands around Billie's bicep. It only then hit me that, that was the first time I'd even related the word 'trans' to myself.

I got quiet.

Billie looked at me after noticing the sudden change in my body language. "Are you okay?" she asked putting her phone down. "Yeah, sorry. I just- never mind." I said with a shake of my head. "No, no. Tell me please." Billie said sitting us up properly so she could see me better.

"It's kinda silly." I admitted grabbing Billie's hand and playing with her fingers. "That doesn't matter," she said wrapping her thumb around my hand to hold them in place together.

I sighed, "It was the first time I realized that I was trans. Like I know that I am, but saying it out loud put the label to it. I don't know how explain it, yeah." I said awkwardly, rubbing my elbow. 

"No, that totally makes sense. I get it," she reassured. "You do?" I asked. "Well I don't personally understand what it's like, but I can imagine and I can understand that sort of feeling." Billie explained. 

The room went quiet, both of us not having anything immediate we wanted to say.

"Uh what about L names? It wont be as hard to transition from, and it's seems fitting to me." I suggested after a minute. "Sounds good. What are you thinking?" Billie asked. "Hm. Maybe Laura, or Lilo, uh, Lali... Luna? Wait, I like Luna very much actually, now that I say it out loud." I listed.

"Luna's cute! Do you wanna trial it?" she asked.

"Mhm. I think so." I nodded, a small grin on my face.

✧.*

"The pizza's ready!" Billie called from the kitchen where she was cooking again. I wanted pizza, but Billie being vegan she decided to make it herself. I wandered into the kitchen putting my phone away. "Wow, that looks delicious," I said as i walked in, sliding onto a stool on the opposite side of the counter.

"Thanks Luna," she smiled sliding the pizza stone toward me. "I put real cheese on yours, I know you didn't like the last one I made with vegan cheese, even though you said you did," she said as she cut it in front of me. "Am I really that bad of a liar?" I asked sheepishly making her laugh. 

"Yup." She nodded as I pulled a slice up and away from the rest of the pizza, a long string of cheese attached to it. 

I lifted it about my head and slowly lowered the cheese string into my mouth. "Mhm," I hummed as I chewed. "I love you," I murmured through my mouth full making Billie laugh again. "I love you too," she giggled leaning over the table and pecking my cheek.

I smiled at her.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Billie asked taking a bite of her pizza. I nodded, "Scary?"

"If you want to. I though you hated scary movies though." Billie said. "Well, I'm doing exposure therapy. I've been watching true crime and I've watched Friday the 13th, IT, the Escape room movies, run and Midsommar." I said matter-of-factly. "I'm impressed, Midsommar's fucked. I want you to watch American Horror Story, I think you'll like it and the scary factor isn't massive." Billie suggested.

"Sounds good, let's finish this though. I don't to be jump-scared and throw my pizza across your parents living room." I said making Billie laugh. "Good call."