Light my fire. (Steddie)

Chapter 1

The bed was yet another sweat bath when Eddie woke up in the early hours of the morning.
The nightmares a constant reminder of the trauma he had gone through a couple of months ago.
Sitting up in bed, wiping the hair off his sticky forehead, he sighed. "Fuck this man."
Looking to the clock, he groaned seeing it was only 4am. Normally he would have a smoke and try and go back to sleep but today was Monday meaning he was expected at school. His attendance record hasn't been golden this year but he had hoped that it would be different this time around, it was gunna be his year he would say, that was until his world got turned upside down literally and now what could of been was nearly entirely down the drain.
Washed away by the cold but comforting hug that was his own tormented mind. It held him tight almost in a chokehold and some days it held him so tightly that he really just couldn't breathe no matter how much air he tried putting in his lungs. He thought he had gone to hell but as the days went by, he realised that that was just the introduction. This. was. hell.

It had been okay initially after the whole ordeal that the group had gone through, they talked it through, helped each other piece their lives back together, patched up their wounds and made promises that just like the other times they would go back to normal but a couple of weeks after the guilt started drip feeding it's way in.
Eddie started realising all the pain he had co-caused in the town that already hated him. All the lives and houses that had been ripped apart. He couldn't stand it. But the worst was the pain Dustin would look at him with. He knew it was never on purpose as that kid could never do any harm but it was there lingering in the boys eyes every time they talked.

He owed his life to Dustin after he managed to drag his lifeless body back to the gate with the help of the others. He remembers the blood on the kids clothes and hands as he sat shaking, crying in the corner of Eddies trailer in the real world while pressure and make shift bandages were being pressed down onto his bleeding body by the others.
It reached a point where he just couldn't take the pained eyes looking at him, monitoring his every move like they were waiting for him to fall apart and so he left. Cut off all communications. When they knocked at the door, he would duck behind the window praying that they would leave so they wouldn't have to see just how far he had fallen.

Sitting on the edge of his bed, he looked around the dark room in search of  some clothes that hopefully didn't stink. He was numb but that didn't mean he had to add more suffering to the world with his stench.
He got up and headed to the bathroom, placing his chosen clothes down on his draws as he was leaving.
The water was the only sweet sweet release he got in the day even though it was only just pushing on warm but he didn't mind. It massaged his body, hitting his scalp first before making its way to his tense shoulders, over his thinning body frame and down to his feet. Using whatever soap his uncle had picked up, he worked it into his hair, massaging his skull as he he went.
What's that he thought to himself? I don't believe it is that actual slight pleasure and happiness?
A smile pricking at the corners of his mouth, little moments like this didn't happen often but he grabbed at the chance when they did.

Although the hopes at a smile died when he got out the shower and caught a look at himself in the mirror .
His muscle was still lingering but now the fat that had protected them before was thin. The tattoos that used to sit lonely on his skin now share the space with thin silver lines in a variety of lengths and age along with some lines that hadn't made it to being scars yet.
Pulling his clothes on with a slight wince as he felt those lines that were just a bit too fresh for comfort.

Looking at the clock to see it now says 5.30am, his eyes widened, he didn't realise how much time he had spent in the shower and staring at himself after but it was still to early to go to school and he definitely didn't want to turn up looking eager for the day.
God forbid people think he wants to be there.