Light my fire. (Steddie)

Chapter 4

Robin had been and gone by the time Eddie awoke.
The emotion of finding Steve still slumped down under where the phone sat on the wall was bad enough, she had never seen him like this. She could see that he had been crying but the tears had now ran out and had left stains on his rosy cheeks.

She had crouched down next to him to ask him gently what was happening only to have him point to the sofa where after cautious examination she found Eddie, black out drunk, starting to snore like a sailor.
Confused she questioned Steve again on why the urgency. Granted the sight of him was surprising seeing as he had dropped out of existence and Steve Harrington's couch is the last place she expected to find him sleeping but she still didn't understand the rush.
Scanning the sleeping boy, she saw it.
"Oh... okay" she was trying to sound grounding for Steve but it wasn't convincing.
"Yeah oh... I'm sorry Rob. I panicked... I didn't know what to do.." came a whisper from where the other boy sat on the ground.
"You can always call me, dingus... it's okay.."
Robin was more confident with this answer, even earning a small smile from the familiar nickname.

She bandaged up Eddies wounds, managed to burn some toast and left Steve to eat after he had assured her he would be fine by himself and eat said meal. He absolutely lied and proceeded to throw the burnt toast in the bin once she left but he greatly appreciated the effort.
Part of him wanted her to stay so he didn't have to face Eddie by himself but they both knew that the boys needed space to sort this out and that guaranteed she would force him to tell her everything at some point anyway.

It was late when Eddie awoke, the smell of mac'N'cheese floating from the kitchen.
The nausea climbed up his throat making him sit up instantly. The sudden movement making his stomach injury's burn and his seized joints groan.
Legging it up the stairs, the open door to the bathroom calling his name just in time for him to throw up all his stomach contents, which was 90% alcohol, into the toilet bowl.
Fever overwhelming him, he let his body slump down on the cold floor against the bathtub.
"Jesus Christ man! You scared me!" Cried Steve.
Eddie hadn't even heard him follow him up,
his cheeks reddening from knowing Steve must of seen him throw his guts up.
He couldn't look at him.

Maybe it was the exhaustion or the embarrassment but he just kept his head down.
Steve crouched down to try and meet his eyes but to no avail.
"Look at me." He demanded.
Nothing.
"Eddie?" He could feel anger rising.
"Would you just look at me?" He was getting close to shouting now.

" Jesus Christ what happened to you? You disappear for weeks, you don't phone nothing! We knocked for you and nothing! After everything we did together! And you just have the audacity to just cut us all off? What the fuck man?" He was overcome by rage, venting all the pent up thoughts he had had these last couple of months. Steve knew it wasn't right but he couldn't stop himself.

"These kids have been through hell! Dustin looked up to you so much I was jealous! But even he struggles to talk about you now! You've let him down! And also what the fuck was that just coming to the shop when you knew we would be there? Do you care so little that you'd let them see you like this? Your a mess! like seriously what's your excuse huh? You just been getting drunk and high in your trailer while we all thought you were dead? "
Steve's cheeks red hot with anger and a glaring stare aimed at Eddie but it started faltering as the tears ran down getting caught in brown curly hair.

It was such a strange sight seeing this man he had seen as so hardcore and strong just melt into his bathroom floor. Seeing the what he guessed as self inflicted cuts was enough, he could tell himself maybe it was a metal head thing? But seeing the man he once thought as one of the strongest guys he knows, just fall apart in front of him was an emotion pit he could never describe.

"...sometimes I wish I did die that night.." Eddie finally replied after a moment of silence.
Steve's heart plummeted to the ground.
".. what did you say?" He wasn't sure he heard that right or maybe he just couldn't accept it but he needed to double check the heartbreaking words coming from the others mouth.
Eddie had finally moved his head up to rest on the lip of the bath tub, his big, brown, glossy eyes meeting Steve's equally glossed set.

"... I thought I'd be ok.. that I would move on and life would just go back to normal..." with each pause he took a moment to figure out the best way to say what he wanted to next.
"I have put so much pain on those kids.... I guess I thought if I removed myself and just put the pain on myself instead then it would be easier on everyone..." his voice was steady now as he recited what he has spent many hours telling himself to justify what his life had become.
Steve just let him carry on, all anger had left the building being replaced by sadness and a hell of a lot of guilt.

"I can't face Dustin... he literally watched me die! And then came the nightmares and so I started drinking more and basically being my own drug customer. I couldn't open the door when you knocked half the time because I was absolutely melted off my face!" There was a slight smile at the last bit but it quickly went at Steves horrified expression.
"Is that why Yknow you did that?" Gesturing to the neatly bandaged arm.
Eddies face dropped as both set of eyes went down to his arm, he had forgotten he had even done that.
Stupid stupid stupid he thought to himself, how could I be so dumb to do it right there.
".. I don't know.." he whispered, still looking down.
"You don't know? How can you not know?" Steve had to hold back his frustration, they were only just starting to scape the hard surface that had blocked Eddies emotions and thoughts for so long, he didn't want to scare the fragile boy off already.
"What can I say huh? Like almighty Steve 'the king' Harrington is going to understand anything I say?" It was Eddie's turn to shout now, pushing himself up off the floor. He didn't want this conversation and had already said more than he ever should of allowed himself to. It shocked him to the core how much had actually been said, something about the golden boy just clicked right in his brain but he couldn't place what it was and that's what scared him so he ran.
He ran just like he had so many times before.
He didn't turn back, couldn't look at the defeated boy that stayed sitting on his bathroom floor. There was a twinge in his heart when he got to his van realising Steve hadn't tried stopping him.

The same deep twinge tightened in Steve as he stayed on the floor for hours. He was shocked and hurt, Eddies words cutting him through repeatedly. "Steve ' the king' Harrington"
He hated the name so much but to hear them being said with such despise cut deeper than ever.