Light my fire. (Steddie)

Chapter 11

Robin was in a rush. She's always in a rush.
She was pretty sure she'd loose her head if it wasn't connected to her spine and today was no day out the ordinary as she ran down the hallway not looking for who was in the way until her shoulders connected with the body of another student.
"Oh damn I'm sorry!" She exclaimed, crouching to pick up the books now strewn across the floor.
"Its fine Robin" Eddie muttered, crouching down himself to help collect the remaining books.
"Oh Eddie sorry! I'm meant to be meeting Vicky but I'm already 5 minutes late" she explained with a smile at the thought of the certain lady waiting patiently for her.

"Hm don't let Steve catch you.." he snarked under his breath but obviously not quiet enough as he looked up to find Robin pinching her brows together in confusion.
"What do you mean?" She asked innocently as she tried to decipher his comment as they both rose from their crouching position, fidgeting with her books now firmly in her hands nervously in anticipation for his reply.

"Don't let Steve know about you and Vicky... he hates fags apparently"
Robin frantically searched his face for the punchline but was only met with a deadpanned look in his eyes.
"I'm.. we aren't together Eddie... "
"Uh huh sure.." he muttered as he rolled his eyes. He'd seen the way they were together, there was no bluffing him.
"Anyways Steve knows me..." she explained, not wanting to say out in the open the word lesbian incase of anyone listening in.
"Do you know him?" he threw back at her, looking deep in her eyes just to make sure his words really hit her before walking away, leaving the girl stood confused in the hallway.

"Hey! How was your date?" Steve asked as he watched Robin climb into his car.
"Woah! You okay?" He exclaimed as she slammed the door shut.
"Firstly it wasn't a date! Secondly even if it was a date, I spent the whole time thinking about Eddie! So thanks for ruining it!" She shouted, turning in her seat to stare at him, her face red with pent up frustration.
"Hey! Firstly why were you thinking about Eddie while you're on a date with a girl! Kinda defeats the object of being gay no? Secondly what did I do?" He shouted back, matching her tone.

His mind flashed back to his eventful morning the last time he saw the boy a couple of days ago, his face stinging as he remembered the words and actions of his father but he didn't think Robin would ever know about those events.
"Well I bumped into him. Literally. And he said something about you hating gays! Steve what have you done?" She explained, throwing her hands up in desperation to show how frustrated she was.  She wouldn't repeat the exact words he had said to her out of hatred for the word fag.

Steve groaned as he slumped down in his seat, his head moving down to rest his forehead on the steering wheel.
"My dad caught us.." his voice muffled against the wheel.
"Uhhh what?? Caught you doing what Steve?" She gawked, unable to comprehend the words coming from the boy who was still groaning.
"Not like that Rob! We weren't doing anything!" His head whipping up as he realised what his words had suggested.
"No he caught us like just together in the house.. but I had just come out of the shower and well Eddie was in his boxers... and well he thought I was gay.. that we were gay.. together.." he explained awkwardly.

She shook her head still trying to desperately grasp at what was going on.
"What? Why? When?" She gasped.
"After the movie night when Eddie didn't show up.. well he eventually did turn up after Jason and his clowns had found him"
Robin groaned at the name, she'd seen herself how cruel that boy could be especially with Eddie, she nodded for Steve to continue with his story.
"And so yeah I told him to stay, it was late and to be honest he looked like shit but then my stupid parents came home in the morning and saw us.." He looked at her sheepishly as he finished his story deciding to keep out the part where they slept in his bed together for half of the night.

"I see... still doesn't explain my original point though..." she pointed out.
"Oh yeah...I said some things that I know I shouldn't of especially in front of Eddie... but I had to say something to my dad.. Yknow?"
She nodded staying silent but comforting.
They had spent many nights on the phone or laying on each other beds as Steve ranted about his pent up anger and dissatisfaction with his parents while Robin would just sit and listen, creating a safe, loving space that held no judgment for the boy.

"I know Steve, I know" her smile was warm but still held uncertainty.
"You should talk to him though, he looked like a heartbroken puppy earlier!" She exaggerated.
"Was it those big brown eyes?" Steve chuckled as he thought about them, those big shiny eyes.
Robin watching curiously as  she saw his eyes drift off with a thought which only sparked her interest further.
"And his lips Steve...." She whispered, her brow raised as he went deeper into thought.
"Hmm yeah big lips...-wait what?" He was cut out his thoughts at the end by the sound of Robin cackling manically, her shoulders shaking in the seat.
"You fancy him!" She gasped.
"I do not!" He was shocked and was desperately trying to hide the blush on his face.
"You do! I know you do!"
"Robin do you want a ride home or not?" His mom tone was kicking in now.
"Fine fine! Yes. Please." Rolling her eyes as he started the engine.
"You do like him though.... I've not seen you like someone enough to look after and care for them as much as you do for him"
He didn't want to reply, he knew he wouldn't be able to deny her comment with enough certainty to make it believable. He didn't want to accept it out of fear of the unknown. What would people think?
"Yknow if you did like him or anyone... you can tell me because you know I will always love you Steve.. I trusted you with my secret, you know you can always trust me with any of yours..." she assured, reaching out to squeeze his arm comfortingly.
Steve kept his eyes pinned on the road as they welled up slightly, glistening in his own heartache.

The thought of himself relaxing enough to accept his own truth scared him let alone the thought of the rest of the world knowing. It held him captive in a prison of his own mind with big steel gates that no matter how much Steve pushed, they would not budge creating this block between his brain and his mouth. There had been times before where he had wanted to say something wether that be telling someone how he truly felt to standing up for himself but the words wouldn't come out, blocked by his mind prison.
He was so, so jealous of people who just accepted themselves, announcing to the world that this is them and if you don't like it then you can leave but maybe they don't have parents or class mates telling them how wrong and dirty these emotions are from day 1, drilling it into them that if anybody acts on these feelings deserve to be unloved and put down, that nobody will ever accept you.
And although he had Robin for a best friend, who he loved and accepted always as soon as she told him, he wished the world for her but yet the idea of him having the same acceptance just didn't compute. It was like his brain was telling him that it's okay for everyone else to like the same sex but if he did then it would be disgusting which he knew didn't make sense but at this point he didn't know how or what would change that.

Steve drove the remainder of the journey in silence, eyes focused on the road, his mind zoned out of the rapid storytelling that was coming from Robins lips, too busy thinking about his own tales.

He felt disgusted about the way he had left it with Eddie especially since he hadn't plucked up the courage to call to explain and apologise after the whole ordeal but he was just too ashamed.

The man had shared an intimate fact about himself just hours before, Steve had told him he was safe just to throw back in his face all because he was too scared to stand up for himself against a man that called himself his father but yet hadn't done much to earn the title.

It wasn't until he felt the warmth of arms being wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug that he realised his auto pilot driving had successfully driven them to their destination of Robin's house. Her hair ticking his nose, the familiar warming smell relaxing Steve's muscles as she murmured something into his ear.

"Hmm? Whatcha say?" He asked, her voice dragging him out of his head.
Robin pulled back in shock realisation, her mouth gaping exaggeratedly.
"Harrington have you listened to anything I've said?" She questioned.
"Huh? Yeah.. yes! Yes! I have! I listened to everything you say..." he exclaimed looking her dead in eyes in the hope that if he held his ground, he'd win.
"You are such a doofus!" She laughed, shaking her head as she turned to let herself out of the car.
Steve watched, waving back to her as she walked up to her front door only allowing himself to release the breath he'd been holding once the door was firmly closed, groaning as his thoughts started spinning in head once more.

Starting the engine once more to drive back to his own home, he couldn't help but start weighing up the factors of each of his relationships and crushes but it only confirmed something he already knew deep down.