Light my fire. (Steddie)

Chapter 13

"Something is off." Whispered Dustin.
"What do you mean? Off about what? Am I not doing well?" Will panicked.
This was the first big session that he had properly hosted in a long time. He used to host every time when they were younger and it was the small group of them in his house as kids but then when it all becomes real, turns out people don't want to play their real life trauma as a board game as much.
It had caught both him and everyone else off guard when Eddie had announced that it wouldn't be him to host but in fact the young Byers but as the game went on he understood.
He'd seen this before in his own household.

The silver flask would emerge from the older man's jacket quick and sneakily and disappear just as quickly but he saw it, he knew what it was.

The game went well and eventually wrapped up for the evening with a cheer of success from each of the players.
Gleeful adrenaline pumped around their young bodies enough to not notice the body slumped in the chair that Eddie had been stationed in all evening, not saying a single word.
"Guys let's ride home!" Will announced. He knew there wasn't any chance of waking the sleeping man but also didn't want to face the wrath of a drunk.
"But Eddie is taking us home?"
" I think he's asleep, come on it'll be fun."
There was a hesitation but nobody wanted to ruin the high of success that was radiating around the room and so they followed the plan.

"Come on Steve pick up the phone! Pick it up!!"
Will pleaded with the telephone while it rang.
"Will? Are you okay?" The voice on the other end answered.
".. are you okay? You sound like your out of breath" The boy bouncing back the question at the sound of Steve's exaggerated breathing, huffing down the line.
" huh? Yeah I'm fine, I'm fine. Just been for a jog.. what's wrong?"
He was not fine and when he says a jog, what he really means is pacing back and forth his living room while figuring out how to approach any topic flooding his mind to Eddie but he wasn't going to let on about that to Will.

"It's Eddie.."
There was an audible groan followed by a
"Fuuuuuuucccckkk of course it is" under his breath.
"He's drunk, half passed out in the school, we biked home instead" He explained.
It surprised Steve hearing Will talk like this.
He was always the kinda small town kid that had no idea of the big wide world in Steve's mind but Steve knew he wasn't and that it was naive wishful thinking, given what the boy has been through but it still didn't stop Steve ever from seeing all the kids as small unaware children that he had to protect from the harshness of the world.
"It's okay Will. I'll.. go.. I'll go" the words had been repeating in his head since he'd said them to Robin earlier only this time he actually had to do something about it.

"Eddie?? Ed's? Munson?" He called out into the dark empty room.
The van was gone but he didn't think Eddie would be dumb enough to drive home but apparently he was.
Steve groaned as he jumped back into his car, making his way to the caravan site. His fate unknown but whatever it was, he wasn't looking forward to it.

The water was hot and starting to steam the mirror inside the bathroom, blurring the face looking back at Eddie as he stood in his boxers.
He didn't recognise the face anymore.
It taunted and bullied him, making his eyes concentrate on everything he hated in himself like he was puppet.
His master pointed to the blade sitting on the side of the sink, pulling the string that made his arm reach for it without any thought process.

The decision that today would be the perfect day to end it had been made early this morning but it hadn't gone exactly to his plan.
The plan was that he'd do essentially an Irish goodbye, be around everyone today and enjoy it long enough that he was seen and a good final memory was created but then leave without lingering on the goodbyes but that plan had crumbled as soon as Steve had attempted to talk to him.
The conversation rolled around his head over and over and over.
Steve didn't mean it. Steve didn't mean anything he said. He wasn't wanted in fact he was just an embarrassment, another fuck up that everyone had to deal with and excuse.
Even this evening, he'd messed it up. He'd woken to the darkness of the school and quickly realised what had happened. There was meant to be a good last memory of him in the kids minds but instead it was his drunk ass passed out during their session.

The water beat down onto his shoulders as he sat directly under its path in the shower, his knees drawn up as his arms rested, outstretched, palm side up, on top.
The blade ran quickly over them in a long clean cut, pausing for a second to watch the blood slowly rise to surface to be washed away before passing the blade to the other hand to copy the same line on the other arm.
As much as the water tried it couldn't keep up with the flow of blood rising, dark pink water flowed over Eddie's legs and down into the tray.
It was a pretty colour, he admired, if you ignore where it was coming from.
His eyes were heavy and tired as they slowly closed and a deep, peaceful breath left his body as his head rested back against the shower wall.
The puppet master had finally released him.