ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴛᴀʀᴋ ᴛᴡɪɴꜱ

Chapter 11

TRIGGER WARNING - panic attacks, flashbacks, mentions of blood and self inflicted injuries

After an eventful shower with Bucky, we got dressed and made our way back to the common room. Let's just say, walking wasn't really something I was able to do properly right now. As we're making our way to the common room I look to my side and see Bucky smirking slightly. The cheeky bastard, he is enjoying this. When we make our way into the common room, we see almost everyone sitting on and around the sofa's.

"Hey guys, so are we ready to go to an amusement park today?" Dad stands up and speaks up towards everyone. I can see the excitement beaming off him, it's honestly adorable. I curse in my head but send a smile to my dad. Why did Bucky have to take my ability to walk properly, why today. Why when my father wants to go to a bloody amusement park.

"Sure! Sounds fun." I say half sincere and half strained. I see Bucky smirking from the corner of my eye. I may or may not have very discreetly poked him in the side.

"Let's go everyone!"

-

It had been a fun day. It wasn't too busy so the queues for all the attractions weren't long. We all spent a lot of time riding the rollercoasters and laughing. At one point Bucky and I made our way to the Ferris wheel, and we spent some time with just the two of us. We needed it.

It had been late when we came home and since we'd already had dinner, we all decided to call it a night. Well, everyone but me. I had been repressing a panic attack all day long and I needed to get it out of my system. So, I told Bucky that I would come to bed after working out for a bit. Luckily for me he didn't question it, probably because he'd felt something was off with me. Fortunately, he recognises when I need some space.

I was currently in the gym working through all my anxiety and stress at a punching bag. When I paused to look at the large clock on one of the gyms walls, I saw that I had been going at it for a solid four hours already. It was currently 3 AM. Feeling all the anxiety rush through me again I turned back to the bag and punched it some more. Only it didn't help anymore. I was beginning to feel the air in my lungs being stripped away from me, my limbs started to feel heavy, and my head was spinning.

I made my way through one of the doors in the gym, it was the one that lead me outside. I felt the nightly air hit my skin and it burned. I tried to collect as much air as possible but none of it reached my lungs. At least not properly. My head felt like it was made of concrete, and I felt my knees buckle beneath me. I almost fell to my knees, but I managed to stay upright.

To try to stop my panic attack and flashbacks from happening I made my way to one of the brick walls and started punching. Harder. And harder. I didn't stop, not even when I felt the blood streaming down my arms. I just did it harder. I kept going until my arms felt heavy and my legs could no longer support the growing weight of my body. I was still hyperventilating. I was still trying to get as much air into my lungs as possible.

As I fell to the floor, I could see something forming before my eyes. It brought me even more panic and anxiety. I was starting to have a flashback. The images of what happened at Hydra flashed before my eyes and I felt my breathing quicken even more than it already was. I felt myself begin to shake and I started punching the ground to try and make it stop.

I felt a pair of warm hands land on my wrists, and it pulled me out of my flashback. When the images of Hydra disappeared, I slowly started to feel the crisp night air fill my lungs. I slowly started to see a familiar face before me. I lifted my head fully and I came face to face with my boyfriend.

With just a look of consent and without a word he picked me up and carried me to the bathroom connected to his room. He left me shortly to grab the med kit he kept in his bedroom. When he returned, he saw the state I was in, and it wasn't pretty. Tears streaming down my face, a glassy look in my eyes as if I was zoned out. Blood all over my hands, arms, legs and clothes. The blood was still gushing out of my bruised knuckles.

Without a word he slowly began cleaning the blood of my hands, arms and legs and he began cleaning the cuts on my knuckles. While tending to the injuries on my hands he slowly glanced up at me to make sure I was still okay. When he saw the tears had stopped, he looked down again and began bandaging my hands.

When he finished cleaning me up, he shortly left me again. This time to grab me a change of clothing. Shooting me a look as if to ask if he could change my clothes, I slowly nodded at him. He carefully picked me up off the counter and set me down on my feet. While I was fully zoned out as to not fall back into a panic attack, he changed my blood-stained outfit with a fresh shirt and sweatpants. He picked me up once again and laid me down in his bed, getting in after me. He carefully pulled me into his chest, and I rested my head in the crook of his neck.

He softly rubbed circles on my back, and I listened to his heartbeat. It always calmed me down. When my breathing returned to normal, and I was sure I wouldn't fall back into a panic attack or flashback, I carefully looked up to him.

"I love you"

He pulled me further into his chest and kissed the top of my head.

"I love you too"

While listening to his heartbeat and breathing I could feel myself slowly falling into a deep slumber. Unbeknownst to me he let out a relieved sigh when he heard my breathing even out as a sign of sleep.

"I wish I could help you more. I would give anything to take away your pain." He said while kissing the top of my head. Shortly after he also fell into a deep slumber.