The Summer I Fell

just in case

The Fisher family sat bundled together on the couch, tears streaming from their eyes from the news of the night. Jewel sat to Jeremiah's side, knees up to her chest as quiet sobs slipped past her lips. She thought back to her own mom, pressing her mouth further into her sleeve every time the emerging pain cut harder.
"I'm so sorry the night turned out like this. It's not how I wanted you to find out." Susannah spoke, sorrow for both her boys and herself hidden in her words.
"Mom, you're gonna do the trial, right?" Jeremiah asked, internally praying that she would do any treatment she could to keep herself with them for longer.
"Uh... No, honey. I'm not. I can't. Chances are very slight. Uh, nonexistent, really, and... I just can't go through that again. It was too hard the first time." She denied, Jewel attempting to hold in her sounds as she cried harder into her sleeve.
"Mom, but you could try. You have to try." Jeremiah fought, hoping that his words alone could convince her to change her mind.
"I just want to be me when I go. Does that make sense?" She attempting to explain, her eyes glancing over to Jewel's. Although she could only see half of Jewel's face it didn't take a genius to see how much her decision was hurting the girl. Jewel was more than upset, she was devastated. There was a hint of anger within her though, an emotion she stuffed tightly together as if it was leftover food crammed into a Tupperware container.
"No. No, it doesn't make sense. None of this makes any sense." Jeremiah cried out, Susannah attempting to choke back her own tears.
"I know, I know. I'm not good at this. Okay? Mommy's not good at this." She explained, turning to face her oldest son.
"I should've known that you knew. I just didn't want to believe it." She told him, Jewel knowing the weight of a secret like that was killing him. Part of her was mad that he didn't tell her, but the other half of her knew why he didn't. She had seen what losing a love one can do to people. Susannah's eyes met Jewel's, concerned that, despite the quiet sobs, Jewel had been silent.
"Jewel..." Susannah spoke out, the girl no longer able to lock her emotions in like Tupperware. Jewel pushed herself off of the couch, wrapping her arms around herself as she quickly walked to the stairs. She was hurt, but she was angry as well. She couldn't imagine how Susannah could rid her boys of even the sliver of a chance to keep her. She couldn't stop thinking about her own mom. The amount of stuff in the world she'd trade just to have her back for even a moment. It hurt that Susannah couldn't see how much they needed this from her. The house remained quiet as she cried, unable to hear any of the conversations in the house. She pulled her earbuds into her ears, needing something to rid of the void of silence around her.

She had cried into her pillow for longer than she knew, the only thing distracting her being the sound of her bedroom door opening slowly. Susannah came into the room, a solemn look on her face that remained friendly despite everything that had come out that night. Jewel had refused to turn toward her, but knew it was her with the silence that followed.
"Jewel." Susannah spoke out, watching as Jewel tore the earbud from her ear. She sat up slowly in the bed, still refusing to look the woman in her eyes.
"I'll do it." Susannah spoke up after a moment, Jewel's eyebrows furrowing as she spoke.
"What?" Jewel sniffled.
"You know that I can't make any promises, but I'll do the trial." She nodded, forcing herself to smile as she wiped loose tears from under her eyes. Jewel's eyes lit up with hope for a moment, something Susannah wished she could've seen more of ever since Jewel's mom died.
"I can't leave you guys so soon." She spoke softly, reaching forward to tuck a strand of hair behind Jewel's ear.
"I can't let you leave so soon." Jewel spoke, a slight laugh in her voice that matched Susannah's.
"But I need you to promise me something." The woman spoke up again, a more serious expression on her face now.
"Promise me that, if the trial doesn't go as planned, you won't shut down again. You won't block out the boys, or Belly, or your dad. And that you'll at least try to talk to him about your mom." She bargained, another tear slipping from Jewel's eye as she nodded.
"I promise." She cried, Susannah leaning forward on the bed to wrap the girl in a tight hug. Jewel tried to remember every detail of the moment, just in case. She studied the way Susannah mothered her as if she was her own; the way it felt to be wrapped in a hug that tight; even the way Susannah's soft sweater felt against her skin. She wanted to remember everything, just in case.
"Alright, everybody down here! We still have to eat!" Laura's voice called out from downstairs, Susannah pulling away from the girl.
"Let's go eat." She smiled, offering her hand to Jewel to help pull her out of the bed.

It was the first dinner they had that truly felt like before Jewel's mom had passed, because despite the news, they were smiling. Genuine smiles, with no minor bickering or passive aggressive insults. The first dinner that had reminded Jewel that she still had family.