Padme Naberrie was in love with Anakin Skywalker.
Hopelessly. Madly. Completely.
And she hated every second of it.
If this was love, she didn't want it anymore. Never had she felt such agony before. It was as though someone had come along, broken her ribs, ripped open her chest, seized her beating heart and crushed it into a million, bloody pieces right in front of her eyes. Her entire body craved him; craved his company, his soft lips against her skin, his hands running through her hair, craved his very soul. It was all she could think about. Wondering if his lips felt just as delicious on other parts of her body; sliding down her jaw, suckling her nipples, kissing between her trembling thighs. His name resounded in every painful beat of her heart. Anakin occupied her every waking thought, her sweetest dreams, her worst nightmares.
And yet, she could not bear the thought of seeing him again - seeing his heartbroken expression. It had been one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do, running from him, leaving him. But she needed to think. There was so much she needed to figure out, and she could never think clearly when around Anakin.
Padme had always known what she wanted. Unlike her older sister, who was far more hair-brained and carefree, she had set herself a plan, a list, if you will, of how her life was going to play out. School. Harvard. Travel. Career. Marriage. Children. It was all organised in a particular order inside her brain. So far, her life had followed that plan to the letter. She had graduated school as valedictorian. She was approaching her final year at Harvard. Everything was flowing smoothly, the only bump in the road being her parent's divorce. The last thing she had planned for was the enormous road block that was Anakin.
He made her question everything she valued. Her education. Her aspirations. Her precious plan. He had entered her life so unexpectedly and made himself annoyingly uncomfortable and she was definitely not prepared for it.
What was she supposed to do now?
I love him.
So, like every self-respecting, forward thinking woman, she made a pros and cons list. She took a piece of paper and jotted down every single reason she could think of, for and against. And in the end, it had all ended in tears and scrunched up pieces of paper and broken pens and cries of frustration. It was no use. She couldn't chose between Harvard and Anakin, it was like choosing between the heart and the lungs. Both were equally important, and she couldn't have one without needing the other. And she needed, Anakin. Oh, how she needed him. He made her feel alive.
The only solution to her problem seemed to fizzle down to a long-distance relationship, which was something Padme was not too thrilled about. From what she had heard, such relationships never ended well; because one of the parties either cheated - not that she could ever picture Anakin cheating on her, or vice-versa - or the pain of being apart was too much and it was easier just to give up. Judging from Anakin's personality, Padme doubted he could cope with a long distance relationship. And she couldn't either. It was enough to apart from him for a few days, but weeks? Months? It was unthinkable. Even with modern technology, Padme would desire his physical touch, even just holding his hand, or being in his arms. The distance would tear them apart. It would only hurt them.
Torn, Padme had kept herself locked away in her bedroom, refusing to speak to anyone, even her own mother. She was so conflicted and confused and lost and had no idea how to proceed next. She couldn't sleep. She couldn't eat. The weight of the world seemed to rest on her shoulders, crushing her lungs and making it hard to breathe. Why is it all so complicated? She wanted both, but having both seemed too far out of reach. Anakin would distract her from her studies, and Harvard would distract her from Anakin.
