Me, Love, & Secrets

Rushing Through Life

No matter how hard I tried to enjoy my life, I couldn't stay in the moment. I returned to Lyon with a plan in mind. As soon as I saw Roberto, that plan flew out the window. He seemed different. Like he was a better person. I wasn't trying to believe it, but he was making it impossible to think about how he was before I left. It's been two weeks! How much can a person change in two weeks?

I was attracted to him like a moth to a flame. He showered me with gifts, like he had more than enough money to last him for eternity. I get why some women say it's hard to leave a guy who doesn't help them in any way. Roberto doesn't support my future dreams. He's always busy with something else. Whenever I want to be near him, he's so sure I'm suspicious of something he's been doing. I gave up a long time ago.

It was hard to concentrate in school. Callie was extremely worried about me, but there was barely anything she could do. Melinda referred me to Dr. Alexy, but he wasn't much help either. I had already been speaking to him on Roberto's behalf. We tried talking about Roberto, but I had nothing nice to report. Talking about him made me more depressed than I'd ever been before. Bringing up Joël was just as bad. I wanted to be with him, but I was afraid Roberto would try taking him away from me.

Katherine graduated from our school when I'd left France the first time. She was busy interning at modeling agencies and helping out her parents. She rarely had any time for me. I didn't mind, because everyone has something to tend to that's more important than me. I can't expect them to drop everything and come running when I'm not feeling well. I felt myself becoming more and  more of a burden. I had to do something.

Roberto stopped coming to the house just months before I was due to graduate. I knew it was because he wanted to spend more time out at Hugo. The more I thought about it, the more outrageous it sounded. How could someone have two personalities that affect the way they present themselves to others? Science and the mind is so hard to understand. Who knows what Roberto is actually up to?

"I've made up my mind. I should have done this a long time ago, but I was afraid I'd put myself in danger. I thought Melinda and Renée would have to move elsewhere."

"It's fine to feel that way, but your mental health is far more important than his happiness, right now."

"What?"

"I get that you feel like you have to be with him, but putting his happiness above your own isn't the way to go. He's going to continue to drag you down until you blindly agree to do whatever he suggests."

"Like...what?"

"I'm sure you know what, Miss Dominguez." Dr. Alexy sighed. "I expect to hear about your breakup the next time we talk. It's time I did something about him as his therapist. I shouldn't have waited this long, but I wanted to see how much you could change him before things really got out of hand."

"Are you going to use the videos he has?"

"I'm afraid I have to. I don't want you to make him suspicious of you this week. I want those videos to be there when I have the police check out the treehouse. There's a chance he's deleted them, but we need to get what we can get."

"Thank you, Dr. Alexy. I didn't mean to have things escalate this far."

"It's fine, Miss Dominguez. Not even God could have predicted this."

That's a statement that didn't sit right with me, but I didn't say anything. I only nodded and allowed Dr. Alexy to sort through his notes. When Melinda referred me to him, I hadn't thought I'd tell him everything that's been going on in my life. Everything about my parents and how my dad had been mentally, physically, and verbally abusing my mother. It didn't take long for him to piece a few things together.

"How are your parents?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" I leaned back on the couch. "You're gonna have to be more specific."

"How is their...relationship?"

I almost laughed, but he'd just find another reason to keep me in therapy. I didn't exactly hate being here, but the atmosphere gets weird when I say something I find hilarious. No one should joke about the pain they go through at home, but that's how I cope. It's a little odd, I know, but how else was I supposed to trick myself into believing everything will be fine?

"Um...they're fine. I guess." I sighed. "Not much I can really say. They're back together. I'm assuming my mom knows what she's doing. No matter how much I try to convince her that she's being tricked, she refuses to listen. She doesn't want to come back here. I know something bad is going to happen. I just don't know when. It scares me."

"What scares you?"

"The thought of her playing his games. I can't fathom why she would do that. She knows how he is. I mean...one would think--" I covered my mouth, trying to hold back a sob. "I'm terrified of it all. What if he hurts her and I'm not there to help her? I keep imagining her death over and over and over again. It always ends the same."

"How?"

I took a deep breath. "He doesn't get punished. No matter how much I try to convince everyone that he's a liar, they don't believe me. They blame it on our estranged relationship. They know something I don't."

Dr. Alexy began jotting something down in his notebook. I wanted to look at it, but that would prove to him that I didn't trust him enough. I know he hasn't told anyone about what I told him. If he has, then Melinda and Renée know how to pretend they know nothing. I don't exactly distrust their better judgment. I just...Sometimes I feel like they would try to make the choice for me.

I can't leave my mom with him. There's something that's been bothering me. I don't know whether to think I'm just being paranoid or...It's barely been a year since I last had an actual conversation with her. It's almost been two years since I last saw her face to face. Sometimes I fear that I'll forget her. I can't help but think that the next time I see her, she probably won't be alive.

"I'm not one to invade someone's life...but if you feel that you and your mother are unsafe, don't you think it's time to report him?" Dr. Alexy asked. "It could do you some good."

"Well, it didn't the first seven times. How would one more time change anything?" I crossed my arms. "I appreciate you caring, but there's some things Americans still haven't gotten right. One thing the government overlooks until it affects them directly. They don't care for people like us. They pretend we don't exist until...we die? That's when they feel bad. That's when the guilt of ignoring our pleas hits them."

"Miss Dominguez, how do you expect to receive help, if you just give up? Hm? I get that America isn't really the most perfect place in the world, but there are people who still care. They care enough to investigate without...physical evidence. You just have to find the right one."

"My father knows almost everyone on the police force. They know how he is. They don't care. If it was normal, I'm sure he would sell us just to make us "useful" to him." I stood up. "I leave again at the end of next month. That's the longest I can wait to be by my mother's side again. I'll break up with Roberto and tell you all about it on my flight back home."

"You're being too hasty. What if nothing goes how you planned?"

"Then I'll just improvise. I know he isn't someone I should be hasty with, but it's time he got a taste of his own medicine. He needs help. If breaking up with him in front of everyone gets him the help he needs, then I'm willing to go all the way."